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Somebody stop me from being an idiot!


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The guy I'm currently involved with lives in another country, and we're trying to make things work. He'll be back next month to visit. My problem is basically that I have too much time on my hands at work-- today I was sitting here and thought, what if I decided to log onto one of his IM services with the password I think it might be- IT WAS the right password, oh no! There I was logged on, and saw he had about 10 names listed- all girl screen names, all signed off. I kind of froze... then thought, if I wanted, I could look at his past conversations in the archives- when this thought crossed my mind, I signed off. I'm an idiot! I don't know why I would want to do this, but there's something in me urging me to try and find out more- to "make sure" there's no one else. But I'd be totall violating his privacy, and if he somehow found out he'd think I was scary- and I know it's terrible! But there's a part of me afraid I might suddenly do it anyway out of some "need" to know. Help! I don't want to be that kind of woman. I know that on my IM archives, there are old conversations with other guys on there I wouldn't want him to see.

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Now that you've gone that far, you're probably going to want to look and go through with it. I definitely would look if there's no way of him knowing you did. If there's anything bad on there then it's good to find out now. It's good to trust, maybe better to... but this is just me-- I'm saying I would look. There's definitely going to be people telling you not to. You're already "that kind of girlfriend" by signing on in the first place, maybe even just by having the idea in your head to... but just remember that if you do find anything bad, how are you going to tell him? In which case, you shouldn't and just work around it having known whatever it is that you may or may not find out. It's risky...

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You were right! heh... Luckily the archive thing was disabled anyway, so there's nothing there to look at. I did, however, decide to look at each profile.. only one sort of worried me, the rest, who knows. I think he just doesn't care about deleting the names, as he never is on the service... maybe once in a while on my request. I noticed he took himself off of a meeting site as well after we met... so I guess things are on the level. It's just a scary time right now as things are undefined and up in the air.. I'm grasping for security or a way out to avoid these feelings.

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I think that's really good then because now you will not have to wonder what's on it, and there's nothing to see anyway!

But you say he is never on the service anyways... so definitely don't bring it up and remind him about it! =P Just in case, and as you said in your original post, they were all signed off. That definitely means they don't use it much because they probably have other names he doesn't know about, or they just don't use it anymore. EVERYONE on messaging services usually stays logged in all of the time. I don't know why... but in any case, I definitely wouldn't worry about a thing.

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