Closure?

[blueyes25]

I am struggling with closure...I cannot seem to find it anywhere. I have made it through a month and a half and have even met some great new people. I actually have been talking to an old friend from highschool. (yes, he is male!) and we get along really well. Somehow, I ended up on the phone with him for 3 hours last night...I am not sure where the time went or how that happened exactly, but it was fun. I surprised myself. We really hit it off. Anyway, I do not feel ready for dating or anything b/c I feel like I am caught between 2 worlds - my life with A and my life w/o him - I never did get any closure from A - and I know that I probably never will...he actually tried to keep the door open....and I refuse to put my life on hold.

 

Anyway, my point is that I feel guilty for hitting it off with another guy b/c I am still holding on to A. I still miss him terribly, I still love him, and my emotions are all confused. How do I get closure? How does one create closure for themselves? I feel like closure would bring peace, but I just can't seem to get there.

 

Has anyone else had this issue? How did you find closure, if you could not get it from your ex?

 

Thanx for your help.

[Bounder]

I am trying to answer that question for myself. I ended up hooking up with a girl the first time I sa my ex at a party, solved nothing, though the girl was a sweetheart and could be nice once I get things figured out.

 

is there anything you have left to say to him? Do you feel like he has control still and that bothers you? that you didnt try your all? Somebody once told to imagine the person in your shoes, and see what they would do.....probably something similar in terms of having a tough time letting go......we're here for you

[blueyes25]

The link below tells my story:

 

 

 

Everything was left open...actually, I tried to close the door myself one evening when I was feeling angry. I sent an IM that basically wrote him off and asked him not to contact me. Well, he did contact me - by e-mail again and said "I guess I just don't know where I stand with you anymore. It looks like you are moving on..." I thought that ironic b/c he was the one who left - did he think I was gonna sit and put my life on hold?

 

Anyway, none of this is really important - the point is that I tried to force closure and I felt like he just tried to push the door back open.

 

I just want to feel peace that it is over for good...so I can be whole again...nothing seems to be working...and that is why I am asking for suggestions...

 

Also, I am nervous b/c I am forcing myself into going out to meet my new friend for a drink tonight...and there will be NO hooking up - it's just not my style...and I am soooooo not ready.

[Bounder]

Have fun with the friend. I have this secret hope that closure just kind of sneaks up on us when we arent looking, maybe that will be how you get it

[blueyes25]

Funny thing is that I know I will have a good time with him - he is really cool! What bothers me is that I will feel bad about it later...

 

And I hope u r right...I pray that closure will just magically appear at some point and make this go away

 

Good to know someone else is sitting in the same shoes

[sweetheart4ever]

I say meet your ex somewhere public n let him know you are metting with your friend n let him know you moved on..