I am Uneasy About His Female Friend Please Help......

[Aprilbabe75]

I just got of a month and 1/2 relationship with someone I really adored and was dogged, so I do not mind this guy taking it slow.

 

However, I went out with some friends and met a man 3 1/2 years younger than me. We have hung out about 4x in the past 2 weeks and he calls at least once a day or every other which I like.

 

He told me that he just got out of a five year relationship with someone and she went to his best friend. He is not ready for a relationship, but if it happens it happens is how he puts it.

 

Now, the problem.... he gives me a peck kiss goodbye and has not even tried to REALLY kiss me.

 

The past two days he has been with this female friend getting her car washed. Picking her up and taking her home. Yet has not seen me.

He stopped bye yesterday for 20 min to pick up something he left in my car then left to go to the gym, eat and then go get HER.

 

He is not my man yet, but can I and should I deal with this if we become closer? Will I always worry about my time with him being cut short because she needs a ride, or will things change when we get closer? Should I tell him how I feel? He does call and I have seen him a few times since we met. I am 30 he is 26 think too young for me maybe?

[RayKay]

I think it is WAY too early to be putting any "demands" on him for both his time, or for whom he is friends with, considering you are by the sounds of it casually dating...well, you should never put "demands" on someone anyway especially if you know these things ahead of time. You should not start getting serious with someone with intention of "changing them".

 

If you know this ahead of time, and it makes you uneasy, then perhaps its a red flag for you and you should not proceed. Everyone has the right to have friendships, even if it is with an ex, but that does not mean if you are uncomfortable with it you need to proceed with things. I am friends with an ex of mine, and my live in boyfriend knew this from the start, has met him and I am always open and honest about it. My boyfriend is also friends with one of his exes, and the same deal there - we do not hide it when we talk/or spend time with them, and invite each other along. It all comes down to trust, respect, and honesty.

 

He may or may not see her less if things moved forward with you, I can't tell you that, he probably could not even tell you that. You and him might not even develop much farther so it is not something to worry too much about.

 

I think it sounds though like he is not THAT interested in it going further at least not now, by his comments of "if it happens, it happens". That seems to be the international sentence used for "well, I am not that interested, but I will leave it vague so as not to hurt you and maybe to keep options open". I would also say be wary if someone JUST got out of a relationship that lasted 5 years, there is some healing to be done.

 

Have you tried to kiss him? Has he given any other signs of affection? Usually if a guy is attracted and has romantic intentions, and at his age, a kiss will be at least attempted after a couple weeks though maybe not if he is unsure...

 

As for the age thing...I think 26 and 30 is perfectly acceptable, however it does not matter what I think or anyone else thinks, it is what he thinks! I have a friend whom is 26 who is casually dating a 43 year old woman...he really really likes her, but since he wants to have children and all, they both know it won't be able to go too far. But its fun for now. Age can matter, or it cannot matter, all depends.

[Aprilbabe75]

Thank you for the advise. I guess you are correct. He really is not interested, or just waiting for the right time.I do not want intimacy yet but a nice looooooooong kiss would be nice LOL