bad timing..........??? it stinks!!!

[hoppy27]

i feel like a broken record. i allow myself to over analize every thought about whats going on. so i turned to you all for advice.

 

 

im crazy about this girl. she's about a month out of a 6 year long relationship. im 2 years single and ready to rock!!!!!

 

she wants to be single and i want her to be single........sorta.

 

we have engaged in two wonderful nights of sex, we talk atliest 3 or 4 times a week. we even have been going out together on the weekend.

she did bring me lunch at work lastweek......that was nice.

 

im not sure where i stand.................she say's she didnt expect to meet someone she thought she could be with so soon. me......ive been waiting for this for 2 years.

 

its so hard to go out with her, be physical with her, etc. and not want to take it to the next level. she seems very content just talking here and there and maybe doing something on the weekend.

 

does this sound like bad timing????

whats being to pushy from my standpoint???? should i just wait for her to call me, ask me to do stuff. being that she wants to be single and not jump into another relationship......but at the same time its like wouldnt you call what we have been doing atliest "seeing" someone???

 

i hat this crap.............its why ive been single for the last two years.

she on the other hand is what ive been waiting two years for.

 

why am i 28 years old and cant just "except" whats going on with us???

why do i feel its all or nothing?????!!!!!!

 

someone please give me some advice??!!!!!

[Shadows Light]

hmmmmm You are talking 3-4 nights a week... and you've had sex... I'd say...

 

You've seen each other NAKED... so whats the problem????

 

What next level are you talking about??? BF/GF.... being exclusive.... dating??????

 

OK... here you go.. if she's talking to you 3-4 nights a week..she's not talking to anyone else..... and since you've already seen each other NAKED... and done some dirty dancing between the sheets.. I think its a safe bed you can ask her out and let nature take its course.

 

Did she tell you that she doesn't want a relationship???? or exclusivity????

 

Maybe.... You guys can go out and get to know each other on different levels other than on the phone and in bed. It makes a difference you know. Big time. Why???? well... you see people in different settings and you get a different appreciation for them........

You just do... can't explain it.......

 

Soooooooooooo form a plan.... maybe something light and fun... like take her out to dinner and a walk on the beach. Or... how about dinner and a movie.... and then a cup of coffee after to discuss movie... lol....

 

Or take her out dancing... or to a sporting event.. or the museum... go window shopping together... or Garage sale hopping.... lol. ASK her out man.... its ok. She's talking to you 3-4 times a week.... I'm sure you guys can find many many commonalities.... its just that you need to discover them together. And let nature takes its course. No... don't pressure.... let things flow...and see where it leads you.

 

Good-luck....

[heloladies21]

Well friend, emotions are the hardest thing to control in this whole world, but that's what this board is all about. Keeping all your feelings in check when making decisions and using only your head.

 

This is the situation, she only sees you as a sex buddy at the moment. Women's feelings can change like the wind at times like these, but it could change for the worse equally as possible as change for the better. It's her decision whether she wants to have a relationship with you, let her come to you with it. Don't even touch the subject cause it will weird her out and make her feel pressured and boxed in. It sounds like you're putting in a lot of effort to hang out with her too so I would cut back a little on that as well.

 

This all depends on whether or not you can accept the situation as is. If you can, then just enjoy spending time with her. If not then cut her off before you get hurt.

[DRB]

hoppy27,

I hear ya mate. I'm going through almost the same stuff though the time out of past relationships is different.

I'm ready to move on a yr and a half out of my last but she is only 6 months out of hers. She says seeing her ex still messes her up and she doesn't want him back though she will still hang out with him in social circles much to my dismay. "Why torture yourself?" I ask.

 

We act exactly like a couple but without her saying it such as "we are boyf and girlf". She said we were just friends the other day but I don't get all intimate with my friends. I don't talk to my friends as often as I do her, everything we do is couple like. I tried the whole backing off thing and it worked a treat, she came running so then I get used to her being around and I do all the work again. Why can't I just hold her when I want to hold her?.

 

Why can't they commit? do girls really prefer to be treated poorly? if the ex is so crap let him go. I just don't get it. If I was still hanging with my ex I'm sure she would be pissed and all weirded out.

I'm not rushing her but I don't want to be treated like a door mat, I've been patient for 3 months now. The timing is bad but you have to play the cards that you are dealt and we can't change that we met too early.

 

So mate, I'd love to know the solution too. Be nice and patient and get used or back off and let hem chase us?. There should be a rule book, better yet there should be no games all together.

 

I know its hard to let go of an ex, real hard but sometimes life isn't easy and you need to take a stand and move on as hard as it seems.

[hoppy27]

it appears maybe things have changed..........we arent talking as much. i havent seen her since 2 fridays ago. we have talked once or twice since then. ive backed off abit and apparently she has aswell. i dont want to get hurt. i find this girl amazing........but at the same time i dont like the situation we are in. i feel i might have freeked her out a bit. i just couldnt resist telling her how i felt. she told me she felt the same way but yet im hearing and seeing less of her.

[DRB]

hoppy 27,

sad to hear mate, though actions speak louder than words. Do you ever think she backed off cos you did?. I know you told her how you feel but then you said you kinda stayed away.

 

I have no idea whats right but I'd hate to think you both walked away and you only did it cos the other one did too.

 

In my situation if I stay away I get the reaction I want, which kills me cos I can't handle staying away.

 

but yeah mate, keep me up to date

[hoppy27]

whats a guy to do when she says "i need to be single".???

i took that as a hint of "i dont want to be with you right now".

isnt that the point i should back off??

i should have never got involved in this situation. it felt so differant to have a woman in my life. this is crazy.

[DRB]

yeah fair enough, if she says she wants to be single you have to let it go. Just as long as she isn't saying she wants to be single but still coming to you for intimacy because that would be very confusing.......believe me, I'm living it right now