saw my ex

[charlotte_skye]

Hey all,

Just a short run down, if wanna know more, check old posts.......theres a few haha......

 

my ex f 5 n half months ago and i were together 9 months when he broke up with me sayin he wasnt well enough ( depression) and that he needed to sort himserlf out, he was brutaly honest which is all i ever asked of him.

 

we broke up ok, i understood as i hd seen how he wasnt coping and wasnt too well. i wanted him to be happy, whatever that cost.

 

he was my best rship ever, constant love and devotion, caring rubbed my back when sick the lot, so even after we broke up we took alil time but of course stayed in touch.

 

my ex is very shy, and was me who always made moves or started opening emotions etc.........i was able to read him so easy tho it never really mattered too much.......

 

aaaaaaaaanyways fast forwad to now, 5 n half months later i saw him lst night, he had been wanting to see me and catch up......when we broke up i dealt the best i ever had, ive had enuff bad past experiences n guess got stronger, i had let him go........

 

when i saw him he had lost alot of weight, and i dont know what it was but i felt nothing, when we went to leave he walked me to my car, i gave him a pressie i had for him b4 we broke up n some photos of our time togethee as he had none.......i felt fine, so fine.......

 

when i got home, i unexpectedly balled my eyes out, n havent really stopped, as soon as i think bout seeing him tears well up.........i dont understand it.

 

i have met someone new i really like, i have moved on, BUT i love dhim so much, and now its like i sense he always thought we would somehow end up back together, like im scared maybe im now hurting him.

 

i fele guilty and so sad that what we had is really over, i feel sad for him seieng that he hasnt changed much n nothing is really new........i feel sad that i had love dhim so bad n now dont..........i feel soooooooooooooooo very sad about it

 

is this norm?

 

i guess i just need to hear some views some words on this to help me.

 

im finding this so hard, harder then breakin up, its takin everythin in me to stop myself rom callin him n sayin i need a hug form him..........its like im scared im goin to loose him completely now, its like im sad it didnt work out but i dont want it to have so isnt that weird????????

 

i lovehim so much but i dont want to be back with him, i dont understand.

 

im so sad.

 

i want to tell hm how i feel but how can i express this? how would he understand?

[jng92130]

wow, I can relate to this from his perspective, maybe... My ex dumped me a couple of months ago because she'd found her soulmate. I cut off contact about a month ago, but we bumped into each other at a store about two weeks ago. We talked a bit -- she was on her way to an ice cream place to meet a bunch of friends -- and then hugged. And I was surprised that she started crying. I held her and stroked her back and told her that "it's ok, sweetie", and then just had to walk away because there was nothing for me to say that I hadn't already said, and all to no effect.

 

She was probably feeling exactly what you felt when you saw your ex. My ex is very happy, thrilled and ecstatic, to have found her soulmate and is glad that she's no longer with me. But she recognizes on some level how very much she hurt me (though she might not understand why I'd feel taken advantage of), and that's why she cried -- a mix of regret and sadness, but I know that she no longer loves me. What she felt was like a faint echo, the dying whisper of an emotion that was there but is now gone. Her love is now all for someone else.

 

NC is the best course in your situation. Allow him to heal.

[charlotte_skye]

wow, your an amzing kind person.

 

i reckon your ex cried cos she sees you for who u r, alhough she left you. and although shes happy, she still knows completely what a great peson u r.

 

my ex dumped me, i didnt dump my ex. thats why what im felein is weirder i suppose, cos isnt about me feleing bad or nuttin. i never hurt him. he hurt me.

 

i guess i just fele bad that it didnt work out, even tho were both happy now. i still see him r who he is and thats this INCREDIBLE BEAUTIFUL KIND person and it kills me to think we arent as close anymore, but i dont wnat to be his gf either so its confusing why i feel this way.

 

i fele guilty for havin moved on even tho of cours eits what i had to do and should have done. its all so silly.

 

i want him be so happy, maybe i feel instinctively that he isnt happy n thta maybe he always thought ild wiat for him

[jng92130]

Thank you, charlotte. Seeing my ex brought to surface powerful emotions that I'd been working hard to suppress. I would have cried with her, but was all cried out and empty at that point, and could only stand and hold her and try to memorize -- to burn into my memory in those moments --- the way she felt and smelled. She still smelled and felt like Home, and remembering those sensations now I miss her still. I've tried at every step of this process to do the right thing, but it's been so difficult sometimes.

 

I agree completely with what you said in your last post: it's all so silly, what we do to ourselves and to each other. We all just do, though, what we feel is right at the moment and as our time passes. I remind myself that I must have earned this present horribly painful dumping by doing something rotten in the past, and that Karma is now just balancing things out.

 

 

You moved on, as you had to, because he needed time on his own to sort himself out. It was brave and good of you -- and necessary -- to let him go. I'm sorry that he hurt you; it sounds as if he loved you very much and pulled back only when forced to by some internal struggle.

 

He might in fact have been waiting... but if he still is, he too will move on with life, and with good memories of his times with you.