Jump to content

GF of 6 Years Broke up with me yesterday


Mstamos
 Share

Recommended Posts

Hello all-

 

I am very distraught. My GF of 6 years this august broke up with me yesterday. It wasn't out of the blue because every now and again she would always ask "are we in love" "are you in love with me?" etc. I was never really sure how to respond. Of course I loved her but I too wasn't sure we were "in love." I definetly did not want to end the relationship because I always thought that you had to work on relationships. I wasn't in a do or die situtation all the time so I just figured that whenever she brought that up I could talk her out of it.

 

We had broken up initially after about a year and a half (her choice but I agreed after much begging and pleading) because our relationship got kind of bad and we were fighting alot but we remained friends. During that time we were DEFINETLY more then friends and still had feelings for eachother. We still also fought and were jealous. We still fooled around and stuff. Then one day she got together with one of my good friends and didn't tell me about it. It was weird becuase we weren't "together" but we were ya know? Confusing. Finally I knew something was up and she told me and then all hell broke loose. To make that long story short she ended up not really wanting to be with my friend soon after and we got together and talked. We said that for a whole month we were going to just stay away from eachother and work on ourselves individually. We just wanted to see where God would lead us. Well about a month passed and I had sent her a package on her B day and one day she surprised me at work. We started haning out again and things were REALLY good. We still weren't "together" but we were not seeing other people and were hanging out alot and getting along really well. Things went like that for a while maybe a year and then we decided that we were a couple agin. But since the time when everything happened and we didnt see eachother for a month, we didn't have much of a physical relationship. No more fooling around and not really much kissing. Finally I had said that I felt we had to love eachother physically and emotionally for us both to get fulfillment out of the relationship. We started being physicla again finally. Then a year after that things kind of soured. She kept saying that she felt like we were more "friends" then "lovers." I did kinda get that feeling but since this was my first BIG relationship I didn't know what "in love" meant. I know you can't be like all "butterflies" and stuff all the time after 6 years like when you first like someone, so I just thought that once we really decided to be with eachother ad get maried that would just com,e. It would be something we had to continually work at. Well after she brought that up we stayed together and then she wouldnt really talk about it. Whenever she would talk about getting married she would never include me. It wouldnt be "when we get married" it would be "when I get married.

 

Then about 6 months ago we were fighting alot and stuff again and she wanted to breakup. I basically pleaded again with her and said you know "we can change" lets give it one last "shot" Lets really commit to eachother its do or die time. It's much easier to stay together and try to work it out rathr then just throw away 5 and a half years. So I convinced her and then got really good again for a while. Things still had been good up to this point when she broke up with me yesterday. She said she wasn't planning on it, but we were sitting outside and she just said "Matt you know nothing has really changed in my heart since we had the last talk. I tried to be open and vulnerable to you and physical. I thought maybe I was preventing myself from being in love with you for some reason. I tried to commit myself 100 percent I said this is my boyfriend. But I just know in my heart I am not meant to marry you. I love you so much but I am not in love with you." I said I felt that we were in love (even though I wasn't 100 percent sure...I still didn't want to break up) Then she said well I'm not. and I said well why are you staying with me? and she said I guess thats what I'm trying to say. I am happy with our relationship how it is now but that doesn't matter. I do not feel like I am in love and you are the "one" She left and I knew it was really over this time. I called her again and said how much I loved her and if she changed her mind I would always be there.

 

I called her again 2 times today. I just can't understand why she wants to do this. I just figured that I would end up marrying her even though I wasn't 100 percent sure at this point in my life I wasnt looking to get married now anyway. I think I would be just as bad if we decided we were getting married and that was that. I just didnt want to break up. We were 100 percent intertwined in eachothers lives. I can't imagine going from that to absolutley nothing. Never seeing the person again. I feel all twisted inside like I am constantly going to throw up. I can't believe this is real. I feel like I wasted 6 years of my life and she wont listen to just stay together and see how things go. There is no one else we are interested in I just don't get it. I was content that I didn't have to try and find someone else. I would have married her. I don't even know where to go from now. I wish she would just change her heart. I feel now that I am never going to find anyone. For all the things I wish I could change about her....they weren't important. I know we could have had a great life together. I feel so sad and alone and panicked.

 

Thanks for listening......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

mate, theres no much to say to you that will help. I think you just need to accept that this is over unless she is willing to give it one more try. How old are you both?

I know this isnt what you want to hear, and I'm no doctor so its just my opinion, she just isnt there for you like that. Its a reality I may be soon facing myself so I know how hard it is. Its not easy to just move on but she seems to have told you that she really did try with this. She really just nailed it shut with this:

tried to be open and vulnerable to you and physical. I thought maybe I was preventing myself from being in love with you for some reason. I tried to commit myself 100 percent I said this is my boyfriend

 

She did try, but its not there. It was onbviously not meant to be. And from what you are saying, it wasnt fully there for you either. So maybe chalk it up to a good experience and move on? I know thats easy for me to say sitting here but I'm just trying to be honest with you. It wont be easy for you, but just try to focus on something else for now. I'll probably be doing the same. It wont be easy like I said, but trust me mate, you'll end up meeting someone sooner or later that you WILL feel fully there for and she will feel the same.

 

Chin up!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From what I'm reading here it seems more that you were comfortable with the idea of being with her and didn't want to go through the pain and hassle of a breakup, but on niether side did I see a tremendous love for one another or desire to be together forever. You've been together for 6 years, a long time not to know it you are "in love" with a person, though that feeling tends to wane some after that much time into a level of deep respect and admiration, comradship and caring.

 

You say that after 6 years you are in no hurry to get married, at that point you need to ask yourself what you are waiting for. If you aren't feeling it after 6 years and wanting the relationship to move forward instead of being stagnant, than your ex is probably right, niether of you can force what just isn't there, and you both deserve someone who is sure that this is the person they want to be with forver, and to take that relationship and go forward with it, get married, have a family, etc.

 

Best of luck in the future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just can't understand why she wants to do this.

 

She has done this because she does not feel about you the way she wants to feel about a person she is in a relationship with.

 

She seems to have given this relationship a good shot but has realised it is not what she wants.

 

Unfortunately there is much you can do but respect her decision and accept it. As tempting as it is I'd advise you to stop contacting her for a while. You probably both need some space from each other right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I recently turned 24 and she is turning 24 this September the 7th. I just feel that after 6 years we shouldn't just give up all hope. I feel like everything would have worked itself out if we just kept working at it. I don't feel I was giving 100 percent to the relationship, but then again we didn't have any long term plans for marriage yet. I felt we were both happy with the place we were at. It's very strange because after we had the talk about 6 months ago when she was ready to break up, the relationship was now going good. She didn't deny that either. She said she was happy with the relationship, she just felt like we were more of "friends" with benifits. I don't see how you can feel that way after 6 years. Everyone who had asked her "how are things with Matt" lately she said "yeah everything is good I am enjoying it." I just can't understand it. I just can't comprehend how I can go from having someone in my life 100 percent like that to having nothing. It just feels so unreal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I felt we were both happy with the place we were at.

 

You can't keep telling yourself that. It will do your head in. She obviously was not happy with the place you were at. She loved you but she did not feel in love with you, she felt you were more friends than lovers.

 

 

 

Everyone who had asked her "how are things with Matt" lately she said "yeah everything is good I am enjoying it."

 

Of course that is what she would say. Because to say anything else to people outside the relationship is to invite questions and speculation. That would not be fair to you.

 

I think 6 months ago she decided to give the relationship the "one more chance" you want now. It does not seem to have worked for her. It is probably neither of your fault at all, she just does not feel it is right.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know I kind of feel that it is her personality. She always would say that she had commitment issues. I just don't want her to be making a mistake due to that. I mean I definetly need some time away from the relationship too. I may see things differently...or maybe not. Either way right now it's been one day and I'm like dying inside. I miss her so much and feel like I want her back so badly. She has told me right now she is sad but feels at piece with her decision. She said she is gong to be doing alot of soul searching but feels she is making the right choice. She said she is praying that what is meant to happen will happen. She is not praying that it is over and it remains over.

 

I just feel right now that it does need time but maybe if I wait she will really be set with this decision more then she is now. She does sound really sure though. That scares me. RIght now I'm feeling like this is a big mistake and maybe she was the girl for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just feel right now that it does need time but maybe if I wait she will really be set with this decision more then she is now.

 

That won't be the case. If she begins to feel she has made the wrong decision she will let you know. Just because you guys are not in contact for a while does not mean she will forget about you or the 6 years you had together.

 

You can achieve nothing but to drive her further away if you pester her now. Take some space and let things run whatever course they run.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

RIght now I'm feeling like this is a big mistake and maybe she was the girl for me.

 

You said after 6 years you didn't know if you were "in love" with her, and now you think maybe she was the girl for you. If after 6 years you didn't know 100% she was the one you want to be with forever and she felt that way for you, it's doubtful that you ever would.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You said after 6 years you didn't know if you were "in love" with her, and now you think maybe she was the girl for you. If after 6 years you didn't know 100% she was the one you want to be with forever and she felt that way for you, it's doubtful that you ever would.

 

Yes, that is true. I have always felt that I wanted to see what else was out there, but also thought that this was normal for someone in a relationship for such a long time. But I also felt that the risk of breaking up, finding she was the one, and then not being able to have her back outweighed jst staying in the relationship. Even if I wasn't 100 percent happy with who she is as a person, I felt the thigns that I did love about her would cover the other things up. I'm not saying that I won't find something better, but if I don't, I will beat myself up over the fact that I didn't realize this while I was still with her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love you so much but I am not in love with you

 

Hey,

My g/f of 4 1/2 years broke up with me and she said the exact same words. The only diff. in my case was that she loved my friend and not me.

 

It's been a week since my breakup and I can imagine how u must be feeling. Suddenly, there is no one, you feel all alone, u dont feel like doing anything. All these are quite normal.

 

I think you shuld stop pestering her and move on with your life. You have always wanted to see how it would be with other people. You have a very good opportunity here. If you both were meant to be together, then nothing in the world can keep you apart. But, if things don't work out, don't lose hope. Maybe it's for the good!

 

Even if she calls up one day and tells you she wants to get back with you. DO NOT go running back. I know I am hurting you a lot by saying that but you have to think about yourself first. Trust me dude, there's nobody to take care of us. We have to do it ourselves. Take your time, think it over and only if you are 110% sure go back. But, if you say she's made up her mind, I doubt that she will ever do it, unless she doesn't find anybody.

 

So, take care of yourself. Life is beautiful. Enjoy it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My ex-g/f left me a little over 2 months ago. 3rd time she left in 2.5 years. We kept trying to build our relationship but it never worked. You should never go back to her. It just won't work, you tried enough. I know 6 years is a long time, but you're still young and you'll eventually find what you're looking for. My ex said the same thing. She thought we were more friends than lovers, and maybe so. I don't need a lot of affection and attention but she did, an awful lot. It sounds to me like she is the same way and demands a lot of attention and if it's not you to give her that then it's best to move on. No point in being fake about it either, you can hug her and kiss her all you want but eventually that would slow down and she'd want to break up again. Believe me, I tried to do all that with my ex but it came down to me giving her all the attention but not receiving any from her. Most relationships do get a bit stagnant, not totally dead but things just seem to slow down a bit. Some people can handle it and some can't. Men have a way of being able to be happy in a relationship without a lot of affection and are a lot of times just happy to be with someone but women often times need to feel loved by constant attention and affection. If you weren't being this way with her then it's best to find the one that you can be that way with. I don't a lot of times understand a womans thinking. My ex said I don't know what love is. She asked if I have ever been with someone where you can't keep your hands off that person and vice versa. Well I have, and it didn't work either. She said that is love. I call it lust, not love. There's a big difference. Sure the attention and affection is nice but anybody can get that if they really want it. You have to love the person, not just what they do for you physically, but really love that person. I know it's tough but you have to start getting along with yourself. Start doing the things that you liked to do before you met her. Keep your mind occupied if you can. That seems to be the hardest part because any little thing probably reminds you of her and then becomes a distraction. Talking to her will only make things worse. Being friends with an ex is a very hard thing to do for most people. I've talked to my ex many times since she left and it always hurt more than it did me good. I have now decided that it has only hurt me so I have cut off any contact with her. If you talk to her it probably won't be what you want to hear. I'm sure you have a lot of questions and not having any real answers is what hurts the most but you're not going to hear what you want. I wouldn't talk to her. I learned from my experience very well. I wouldn't be so messed up right now if I hadn't talked to her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You said after 6 years you didn't know if you were "in love" with her, and now you think maybe she was the girl for you. If after 6 years you didn't know 100% she was the one you want to be with forever and she felt that way for you, it's doubtful that you ever would.

 

Yes, that is true. I have always felt that I wanted to see what else was out there, but also thought that this was normal for someone in a relationship for such a long time. But I also felt that the risk of breaking up, finding she was the one, and then not being able to have her back outweighed jst staying in the relationship. Even if I wasn't 100 percent happy with who she is as a person, I felt the thigns that I did love about her would cover the other things up. I'm not saying that I won't find something better, but if I don't, I will beat myself up over the fact that I didn't realize this while I was still with her.

 

Here's the thing. If you love someone and are 100% satisfied with the relationship, you don't think of cheating with other people or want to see what else is out there.

 

You deserve to be 100% happy, and your ex does as well. Maybe you both will take this time to see what else is out there, find that there is nothing better than what you had, and find your way back to each other. Maybe you will and she won't. Maybe you both will decide you are better off. Either way, it's not fair to continue a relationship that is unsatisying on some level, to either party involved.

 

You might beat yourself up, but at least you now have a chance to find someone you are more sure about. After 6 years your ex gf deserved alot more that "not sure if I am in love with you, and maybe you are the one for me.", and so do you.

 

Best of luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree totally with boiler, there are many women out there, like my ex who are very emotionally demanding, requiring constant attention and affection, the minute you start to relax, they begin to resent you and in their minds fall out of love.

 

My ex was the same (we were with each other for 6 years), she would take my love, affection and attention but give very little in return, its draining and when they leave you, you feel like you have been sucked dry.

Sometimes I like to think of her as a parasite ( I don't hate her, in fact still in love with her).

 

Most men do not require that level of attention and are happy enough to just be with the one they love.

 

In truth the only way your ex may return is if she has other relationships and begins to understand the true meaning of love.......then again she may never learn........or she finds a really loving doormat of a man.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 years of being close to someone can cause a mist, familiarity breeds contempt you see. It makes people want to find who they are again. The best thing you can do is to get out of the way from her and in this time find yourself.

 

Don't talk about the relationship at all, let her bring it up, if ever.

Don't show any emotions, as they will just add to the confusion.

Be happy or act happy but not false, or act like your happy what ever happens to you too. Be polite no matter how angry you feel.

Don't get all soppy and sentimental on her.

 

After 4 months apart my ex of 6 years who left me to date some old married man is now saying how much she misses me and it seems like she is wating for me to make all the moves, only thing is I am actually really feeling happy and content with my life now.

I am now always curious to what woman I will end have a short fling with next.

If I end up back with my ex some how one night she will have to put up with the fact that I will have other women I am seeing and this is how it is going to stay for some time.

 

Splitting up really does hurt and suck but you will manage.

Hell I have been through the tears and the deppression and everything, the ex or anyone else does not know this and they do not need to know, all they need to see is I am happy confident and un-defeated

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • Why You Should NEVER Chase Your Ex
      You should NEVER chase your ex, no matter what... even if you want to get back together. In this video, I’ll explain what exactly I mean by that… and why it’s so important if you want your ex back. Here's the simple truth: if you DO want to give yourself the best possible chance of starting over with your ex, you simply CANNOT let yourself start chasing them… it just doesn’t work, even though it’s the natural human reaction to a breakup and often feels like the right way to get them back. Even if you DON'T want your ex back, you still shouldn't let yourself chase after them. Watch the full video to find out why...

       
      • 0 replies
    • How Do You Know She’s The One? 5 Signs She’s The One & 1 Red Flag! 🚩
      How Do You Know She’s The One? 5 Signs She’s The One & 1 Red Flag! 🚩... In this dating advice video, I will explain to you how to know she’s the one and give you five signs she’s the one as well as give you one red flag that you need to look out for. You may want to know whether she’s the one on first dates, online dating, or somewhere in the dating process. Take heed to these dating tips and be sure to watch the entire video.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Odd Signs You're Seeking Approval from Others Outside of Yourself
      In this YouTube Video, Lisa A Romano discusses 5 signs that indicate you're still seeking approval from others outside of you. If you are codependent, and you struggle with self-love, you may not realize the signs you're seeking approval from others. Childhood trauma and emotional neglect lead to a sense of feeling unseen. If you feel unseen, you may seek approval in odd ways. It may not be obvious when you are looking for validation from others. In this video, Lisa A Romano breaks down these 5 signs, and what they mean; hypervigilance, neediness, low self-worth, never feeling fulfilled and what it means when you become a perpetual seeker.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 3 Simple Strategies To Ditch The Imposter Syndrome
      Have you ever felt like you're a fraud who doesn't belong? According to a recent article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, seven in every ten people have or will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. We couldn't see our tribe suffering from this anymore, so we brought in the person who'll help you ditch this feeling for good. In this video, peak performance expert Shadé Zahrai joins Vishen to discuss how to supercharge your life and improve your self-esteem by constructing your own reality, leveraging your self-awareness, and regaining control over your inner critic

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Things People Who’ve Been Mentally Abused Do
      Do you know how common mental abuse is? According to The National Center for Biotechnology Information, 80 percent of the population has experienced some form of abusive relationship and behavior. However, despite how frequent it is, emotional abuse is still hard to spot. Unlike physical abuse, mental abuse doesn’t leave any visible scars; instead, it affects someone’s behavior, mindset, and mentality. This means some people deny they’ve been mentally abused, and others may not even recognize the toxic behavior. So, whether you’re reading this to be able to recognize emotional abuse in others or recognize it in yourself, these a few things people who’ve been mentally abused do are sure to help you be more empathetic and kinder.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...