Helping out a friend

[easyguy]

A girl friend of mine (I used to be in an LDR with her until we decided it'd be best to be friends) lately has been in an akward situation. She's 18 years old.

 

Basically, her 40something year old high school counselor (she said he is married and might have a couple kids) has been coming on to her, and only very recently in a sexual way. She has never had to deal with something as extreme as this (or any relationships for that matter), so I've been helping her get through it as best as I can. For a while he seemed friendly, but after just talking to her on IM, it sounded like he recently got high and wanted to have sex with her. That is freaking her out big time, and I'm trying to get her out of this.

 

She is trying to get out of this, but would it be wrong if she somehow told his wife about this situation? He's a near middle-aged man trying to start a relationship with a teenager, most likely behind his wife's back. It's disgusting, and I hate to see her go through this.

 

Btw, any other pointers would be nice, too.

 

Thanks!

[jna35]

It's very sweet of you to stand by your friend!! I think the best thing she can do is report him to the school authorities. He shouldn't be teaching!! I feel bad for her. No one should have to experience sexual harassment. Also, if the school won't do anything I'd file charges with the police!!

[NJRon]

Giving a bit more benefit of the doubt to him... I would first have her tell him flat out that it's inappropriate and that his actions are making her feel uncomfortable. It's the one verbal wanring rule.

 

In a work environment, if something happens to make you feel uncomfortable (I don't mean violated... like touched or hit) just uncomfortable, then you give them the courtesy of a verbal warning. That may be enough to make it dawn on him that something else is going on in his life and he is losing it.

 

However, if that doesn't work, or he has actually inappropriately and clearly solicited her or touched her, then he should be reported to the school authorities. I would also encourage her to formally write the report up and distribute it as a memo to the school authorities, also providing copies to her parents and discussing the situation with her parents (even though it is uncomfortable) prior to distributing the letter.

 

In a case like this, it turns into 'his' word vs. 'her' word. It is important to make sure that there are individuals represented her that would be considered to have equal credibility. Sad as it is... an 18 year-old girl is going to stand little chance defending her allegations of misconduct against a 40-year-old school counselor unless he has had prior reported incidents.

 

Hope this helps...

[jna35]

Actually, you put that very well easyguy and I do agree with you on the warning. I would also advise that if she does this she take someone with her, not just for support, but a witness if need be.

[easyguy]

See the thing is, all of this started AFTER school got out and not on school grounds, so would reporting to school authorities be a waste of time since he is not directly involved with a student during school (the school year)?

[NJRon]

As in.... she graduated? If she graduated, then she should just ban him and not speak to him. If she is still in school and just on summer break, then he is in a position of authority (and abusing it) when she comes back, then it is an issue of harassment.

 

If it's the latter case, then write the letter, send it in detailing that she is going to attempt NC by blocking him from chat/etc. That way, they know that she is trying to avoid contact and if he tries to pull something later, they'll have some history.

 

However, I would abstain from telling the guy's wife... that may be a bit too much of an overreaction at this early point.

 

This is a sticky situation inded...

[easyguy]

Yes, she graduated this year and has been out of school for a couple of months. She's going off to college several hours away from where she lives now in the fall. For a while, she was congenial with him because it never got to a sexual level (deep philosophy talk... they both like deep discussions), but it still made her feel uncomfortable at times because of his age, even more so when things got really serious recently.

[NJRon]

Ahh... well.. in that case, there's no reason at all to maintain contact with him right? She should avoid him at all costs. If he does continue to harass her, then she should tell him something to the effect of "If you continue this behavior I MAY (

 

It's really not any of her concern what his family life is like... she has no business mucking aorund with a marriage... she should avoid being a homewrecker.. let him wreck his own home.

 

Nothing will be gained by allowing herself to continue to be sucked into this drama. And, since he has no authority to actually impede her future (e.g. college admissions) then this is no different than seeing any other guy going through some mid-life crisis of their own and seeing if they still got it with the young chicks. It's *his* problem, not hers. This is something that should be cut off clean and clearly and will be a funny/freaky story she can tell her girlfriends at the bar in about 5 years.