i feel torn between getting a girlfriend and building up my

[workaholic]

social networks. I am not a sociable person right now, and my biggest problem in groups is that I'm not as talkative as I should be. Nor do I show alot of positive emotion or share humorous stories (lately nothing humorous has actually happened this summer..I work in construction 40 hours a week and my relationship with my parents could be much much better.) And yet I've put alot of energy into preparing myself for a possible date with the girl from my summer class. Honestly, I wish I wasn't so preoccupied with "getting the girl" and instead focused on improving myself, stop procrastinating, and putting more of an effort to call various people up in order to hang out with them. Because in reality, even if I already had a girlfriend, it would just be only me and her this weekend, and that would get old.

 

I know some of you guys (if you are in my twenties like I am) are THROUGH with the "highschool lifestyle", which is hanging out with your buddies or single guy/girl friends late at night and having fun but I am unfortunately not. Because, I am trying to make up for the lack of social fun that was during my highschool years. People I know are already married and with kids; I on the other hand would like to remain a bachelor my entire life. And not a bachelor who is a hermit..but some guy who's successful.

 

But right now the urge to get a girlfriend or at least a girl that I'm intimate with for the summer is very high, because of: my jealousy of other guys who (younger or about the same age as me) have some of the most attractive women by their side, a desire to know what it feels like to have a successful relationship for once, and finally because I want to be next to someone (outside of my family) who really and truly cares about the troubles and flaws going on in my social life and within myself.

[DN]

I don't see why these things are mutually exclusive - why can't you do both at the same time?

 

But if you would really like to remain a bachelor, make sure that you don't ever mislead a girl into thinking you want a long-term relationship when you do not. That would be using her and would be unfair.

[Mun]

I agree with DN. Why can't you do both?

 

People work, have hobbies, have relationships and go out with friends once in awhile too. You just have to manage your time so that you don't burn yourself out.

[smallworld]

I agree: What's mutually exclusive about the idea of having a girlfriend and a social network? Ideally a great social network would lead to finding a great girlfriend. Rather than worry about where you are on some relationship continuum compared to others, why not focus on what you can control: Making as many friends as possible. In time one of those friends might become something more or might introduce you to the love of your life.

 

Socializing doesn't have to be about large groups btw. Many of us prefer to interact one on one. So divide and conquer to build that network you long for.

 

Regardless, I wouldn't worry about finding love. Love has a habit of finding you when you're busy living life to the fullest and just being yourself without all the rules, regulations, what if's, and shoulds.

[Caldus]

Regardless, I wouldn't worry about finding love. Love has a habit of finding you when you're busy living life to the fullest and just being yourself without all the rules, regulations, what if's, and shoulds.