Please help i need some opinions...

[Stump]

About 4months ago now i broke up with my girlfriend. I never wanted this break up to be seriouse but i was leaving to do an internship in FL and i wanted her to stay home and have the summer to herself. We have been dating for 3.5yrs and i love her more then words can explain, but sometimes i feel her emotions and feelings are not really into me. So i decided to break things off and let her have this summer to herself. I came down to FL and she has been going out on dates with guys and i told her how i feel about her dating other guys but she tells me its nothing. I understand because i too go out with girl friends out to dinner or whatever. But i feel other people are brain washing her, she thinks we had a horrible relationship and i treated her badly because i put my friends before her on a couple of occasions. I felt badly about it and i tryed to make it up to her, this was about a yr ago. She is also hearing rumors how i did this and that, when i proved to her they were false... i am 22yrs old and these rumors were getting spread by 16yr olds! So now she says to much has been done and to much has been said for us to ever work things out. I ask her if shes IN love with me and she said no, but then she said i do love you. Just two weeks ago she called me and asked "why does this have to be so hard" and i explained to her its because we are not around one another and when we are not together we are not truly happy. I said, if you just follow your heart and let your emotions follow your heart then you cant be wrong, but when your mind is leading your heart then your just being indenial about your feelings. She started to cry and when we hung up we told one another we loved each other. Now a couple weeks later she's telling me how she doesnt think i deserve another chance and that shes not IN love with me anymore but loves me. I am just so confused and lost i dont know what to do.... i found out she lied to me about last weekend when she went out to dinner and a movie with another guy, and i am wondering if this guy is why? I will be home in 21days and i dont know what to expect when i arrive home. I love her and i know deep down if her and i were next to one another something would slip, like a kiss or holding hands... we were so perfect before this.. we broke up a couple times because of stupid things like she broke up with me before for another guy but that didnt last long... she wanted to get married to me in Feb. where did that part of her go? Can she just hide feelings like this? I have made it clear that i want to be with her no matter what it takes and still i have not gotten any responce, so i am just going to give her "space" like i intended to give her to test her true feelings... i guess i really messed up breaking up with her just to test her feelings for me huh? DAMN IT! I hurt her i know, but why cant she come back to me? i guess when i told her i dont feel like im in love with her when we are apart... hummmm..

 

Well any help would be greatly appreciated. sorry you had to read all that.

[lady00]

Right now, you two are not together so you can't tell her not to see other guys...she needs to feel free at this point, she needs to decide what she wants.

 

I think the only thing you can do is give her space right now. When you broke things off, damage was done to her feelings and the relationship. If there is going to be another chance, she needs to heal. She needs to feel that she is free to choose whoever she wants to be with, that there is no pressure on her to choose you but that she freely does so.

[lisica]

I am sorry to have to be a bit harsh on you to make some things clear.

 

After 3.5 years, you broke up with her and explained to her that you wanted her to have the summer to herself. She probably understood that it was YOU who wanted the summer all to YOURSELF. The fact that you are going out with other girls and the fact that you told her that you do not feel in love with her when you are apart of course made that only worse. On top of that, despite the fact that you broke off with her, you keep behaving as the jealous, controlling boyfriend who wants to know every move she makes.

 

You go away for 4 months. You break off your 3.5 year relationship. You go out with other girls. You tell her you do not feel in love with her. You don't allow her a bit of fun with friends without reporting every detail to you.

 

When was the last time you actually did something nice for this woman? Did you make it clear to her at all before you left that you only broke up as a test? If not, I would tell her as soon as possible. And don't forget to mention to her that she is the greatest woman in the world and that you are the most stupied person ever for having blown your chances with her so badly.

 

If you had done this to me, you can be sure that I would make you crawl on your knees and beg before I would take you back. If I would do that at all...

[lunatic]

I hate to agree with Lisica but, she does make a point. You left her to go to Florida. When you left you hurt her and now your telling her what to do. Face the facts here if she did that to you I think you would be really hurt too.

 

Hey I am not here to pass judgment and only you can repair this damage. If you love her that much then tell her how you feel. Tell her you made the biggest mistake in your life. If she takes you back then great but, she is free to do as she pleases now. She owes you nothin and you should expect that.

 

I would say I am sorry and how much of an idiot I am(dont feel bad I am in the same category).

[Stump]

I told her this week why i broke up with her. She had sent me an email on march 16th and i wrote a responce to it and i never sent it. I said

"michaela-

we are not over, not over by far! this is a new beginning that will show me how much you do care and love me. I know its stupid and i know its just unethical but i feel if you honestly cant live without me then this will show me your commitment. I am going to FL to do my Co-op and i want you to come with me! I feel this is just something that we need to figure out, because you know how i hate devorces and i would never put my children throught what i went through. You went to Germany and slept in the same bed as another guy and chelsea and david and that did kinda hurt me because i know if i had done the same thing we would be done, but i trust you enough and i love you enough that even if you did mess up i would take you back eventually because i truly love you. Dont give up on us and i will always be here for you. I miss you more then ever and dont forget about all our special times, like the cruise, or the mid-night morning kisses, rafting and so many many more. Keep your me close to your heart and love will conquer all!

Love always-

Scott"

 

 

Now i dont know what to expect. she wont reply to any email i send her so its hard to really know what shes thinking. I am not the jelouse type nor am i over protective, i encourage her to go out with her friends and all i ask the next day is "did u have fun" and she usually goes on and tells me how the night went. I messed up, and this isnt the first time i messed things up.. and shes no angel herself she broke up with me for another guy before, so this makes me a little concerned because i dont want her dating another guy.

I thank you all for the help and i truly need to give her space. I understand.