a letter i wrote her but never sent

[temjin132]

and i realize how little i mean to you. I will never understand how you could go out drinking with this guy when we were still together and make out in the backseat of his car at 3AM in the morning. Then I will never undestand, how the next day, which was so critical for us, when I said I would not allow you to see him ever again, you were in tears over the thought of losing him. You cared so much more about never seeing him again then you did for the horrible thing you did to me. Then I will never understand how 2 days after we break up, you have him go over to your apartment and spend the night with you. I can't even fathom what else you two have been doing since we broke up. I'm sure he's replaced me completely by now and I'm sure the last month with him has completely erased and replaced the past 6 years with me.

 

This guy must be the best thing that has ever happened to you. He must treat you like gold. He must be THE knight in shining armor himself. He should feel very lucky to have a girl care sooooo much about him, to sacrifice soooo much to have him. I hope one day I will find a girl who I mean half as much to. That truly is something amazing. You guys have such a great story to share with other people about your truly beautiful, pure love.(im being sarcastic and exaggerating)

 

For me, it sucks that I had to be a casualty, the guy who got decimated in the process of you two finding true love. He better be worth it because I think you got the raw end of the deal. Maybe one day you will realize how great of a guy I really was, and regret the decision you made.

[temjin132]

it's been a little over a month. I've done NC and that helps a lot. Most days I'm ok, but somedays are really bad. I woke up today to a horrible dream about her, so I spent most of the day depressed and feeling alone. I try to keep myself busy for the most part, I'm taking 2 classes in summer school, working out, playing guitar, wtv, but its at night when it gets me. I can't control the dreams I have, and I can't help it when I find myself waking up in tears.

[melrich]

Yeah I can hear your frustration. Get it all out on paper but don't ever send it. Things will get better and take heart in the fact that her actions will hit home to her one day. People do not forget 6 year relationships. Maintain your dignity.

[DN]

Great idea to write and not send. And it is also helpful sometimes to burn the paper it is on. Or press delete.

 

The fact you burn or erase the message symoboically also helps to erase it from your mind. And you don't have it lurking around to remind you when you least need it.

[lolapop411]

I recently ended a five year relationship, dated for two before, knew him for a total for nine years, married him last October and left him this July.

Even thought I made the choice to believe him (he is an alcoholic who spend his free time with his buddies), I am still in love with him. As I read your letter to her I felt like someone understood how it feels. Your words have touched me. As time goes by it will be better. It sounds like you are doing everything to keep life flowing. For me the hardest is when I know he is not a work. I dream too. I know how it is. I have this connection that I know when he has had sex. The feels like caca! You are not alone! Remember that.

[temjin132]

todays actually gone a lot better. i think it was the dream that really tripped me up yesterday. anyway, i made a realization today during lunch. I ate at this resturant that i haven't eaten at since a little after my ex left me, and I was shocked to realize that I finished the entire meal. The last time I was here, i could barely eat half of it and had to get it to go. I thought i had developed an eating disorder b/c for like 3-4 weeks after we broke up, i could barely eat 2 meals a day. and i always wanted to throw up afterwards. it was horrible.

 

the solution to all this is exercise. since i started lifting weights reguarly, i gradually started eating again, i mean i had to, my body was completely depleted after a grueling lifting session. This helped compensate the heartache that was preventing me from eating, and before i knew it, here i am eating 6-7 meals a day again, back to normal. so for all those out there who might be having this same problem, get out there and be physical! it really helps so much. plus it really gets your mind off of things. my ex never crosses my mind when im lifting. plus it feels so rewarding knowing that im doing my body good. even though im still an emotional mess, at least my body doesnt have to suffer as well.