Reach out to her? or Keep NC?..haunted by a "what if&qu

[Royltnxile]

5 1/2 months since the break up. We havent seen each other since day before the over-the phone dumping. Had a few follow up phone calls within the first two weeks. I wanted a face to face meeting, but I never pushed it. Reason for break up was she got scared, panicked, pushed me away...typical self sabotage of growing relationship getting better and better...she has many issues with herself that make her poor relationship material, yet my feelings for her remain strong despite time, other women, and a fun and interesting social life.

 

I"ve been in "no contact" since March for the phone. She called a couple of times late March but left no messages, so I didnt call her back.

 

Sent her a "deep" "heartfelt" letter in April. Let her know how I felt without being sappy or whiney. No response.

 

Sent her a holiday card for Passover in early May.

 

Memorial Day weekend, last week of May...she calls me twice in one day on both my phones ...and leaves no messages. I haven't called her back.

 

I'm trying to let go of this and just let it lie....yet I am haunted by her calls with no messages.....was that her "reaching out"?...albeit weakly? Could she be scared of the reaction she thinks she might get from me? She has no reason to be afraid. I have remained dignified and calm throughout the whole break up. I'm haunted by those attempts to contact me that she couldnt go through with when she got my voice mail....and I'm torn between continueing "no contact" or contacting her with a subtle reminder that I'm thinking of her....it's been 5 1/2 months....has enough time passed that if I do contact her I don't seem needy and weak? Maybe she needs more time to miss me before she gets serious about contacting me?

 

I know she hasn't forgotten me. She isnt with anyone seriously either. I know I havent burned any bridges as well. If she hadn't have made those attempts at contacting me, I would have been better off....but now they haunt me because I have a nagging doubt that I should have returned the call 2 months ago.

 

Insight?

[misery12]

Alright man, it seems that enough time has passed, and you have given her space, yet she seems to be the one that wants to contact you more. She's attempted to call you more times than you have, it seems.

 

The thing is, if you're still into her 5 1/2 months later, that may come off as needy/desperate since that's almost half a year, and you're still thinking about her.. OR.. it may be the kick you two need to get the spark back with each other.

 

I'd say, if you're emotionally stable, with, or without her.. then why not call her? You said yourself that you have a social life outside of her, so you can always fall back on that if she doesn't agree with what you want.

 

My opinion - call her, see what she's been up to, how's life.. and maybe ask her out for a cup of coffee, so you both can catch up.. DON'T have any expectations from this. If she agrees to meet you, maybe that's all she wants, and not a relationship, so try not to look too into things, too quickly.

 

If she agrees to meet you, and all goes well, suggest meeting up some other time. It's a win, win situation. If she wants you.. great, if she doesn't, at least you know and you can get on with your life once and for all.

 

Good Luck.

[regret1]

I don't see any reason you should have any further contact with her. Why set yourself back to square 1. You know you still have strong feelings for her, you just cannot deny it. If she truly and genuinely love you, she should be at your door step crying for you back. First, she broke up with you, it should be her calling to come after you. Secondly, once you love someone there is no dignity.

 

I might sound mean...but it is not. I just want to be strong. We are weak, and we are not in control. Unless, you step you foot down, now you have controll of your situation. I have broken up with my ex for 5 months. For the last 5 months all he does it contact me and we met up. It did me no good, but just simple depression. For the last two weeks, I have maintain NC, even on his birthday. He called me on his birthday, which I ignored. No txt, calls, email on my behalf.

 

Week 1: he called me a total of 9 times, 1 text message, and one called at 1:00 in the morning.

Week 2: two days ago he called 5 times and one text message:

 

What did I do? I ignored him. He knows where I live, if he love me he can find me. But he has to earn my love back...but i truly think it is too late.

 

Same to you. If she loved you, she should find you.

[misery12]

I agree completely, UNLESS... you feel that you can still be happy with or without her. THEN, go ahead ... call her, if it will ease your confusion.

But, if you still have feelings for her, by all means.. DON"T contact her, it WILL set you back... and you'll be at "square 1 " once again.

[Royltnxile]

No such thing as "square 1"....I think i was better off how I viewed this whole thing when I was at the "square 1". She ran because she was scared. I do okay without her, there are other women, and I have a great life, having a great summer.

 

It's not a question of NEEDing her in my life as much as WANTing her in it. Question is do I reach out? I'm not in such a fragile place anymore.