I broke up with him last night! It was sooooo sad...

[catfood]

I've asked for advice before on breaking up with my boyfriend, and I'm happy, and yet sad at the same time, to say I finally worked up the nerve and did it last night.

 

It was sad, he was being so sweet and suggested we go see a movie...he even chose one and we were about to walk out the door but I couldn't take it anymore and insisted that we talk first. (I'd been trying to have "the talk" for weeks now...we both kept avoiding it, even though I asked to talk several times).

 

So anyway, I sat next to him and told him that I felt we were becoming complacent, and the circumstances in our lives were not allowing us to properly invest in the relationship. I said I felt that we'd stopped growing.

 

I expected him to get really angry but he was so sweet. He said that he could tell that I'd been frustrated and that he didn't know what he could do to make me feel more optimistic and that he loved me.

 

I started bawling and we hugged and I left.

 

The weird thing is though, despite how sad I was, I wasn't nearly as sad as I was the night he sent me the awful email (see previous posts).

 

So that makes me feel like I did the right thing. Hope that feeling lasts, or I'm going to be miserable.

[Hope75]

It doesn't sound like you actually broke up. Was anything said that confirms for him that it's over between you two?

[smallworld]

*Hugs* Catfood. I read your backposts and commend you for having the courage to finally end it. It's hard when we love someone and their idea of "love" (empty words, expecting us to cater to them, accusations to cover up insecurities) is nothing like ours. I don't know what this guy's problem was, but he clearly wasn't meeting any of your needs even half way.

 

I'm not surprised you're feeling slightly better than you did the night he emailed you. By choosing to leave him, you've chosen to believe that you deserve better and that there's someone out there who will love you for you without games, accusations, or reserve. Without him you actually now have a much better chance of being happy. You have hope!

 

If you ever doubt yourself, keep a running list of all the things he's done to break your heart and reread it frequently until it's seared in your mind. Then start a new list... One where you keep track of how you want to love and be loved next time. When this man walks into your life, you'll know. Until then, don't settle for anything less, ok?

 

PS. Music is a great healer and sympathizer. Stay strong... link removed

[catfood]

Hope:

 

Yes, sorry, I wasn't very clear! After I said those things, he asked if I wanted to break up and I did say yes; he offered to return his key, etc. So we're definitely broken up.

 

Smallworld:

 

Thanks so much...deep down I know it was the right thing to do, but it's soooo hard because I still care about him so much. I'm gonna have to stay strong so I don't "relapse"!

[Hope75]

Cat food,

 

Good for you. You should never settle for substandard treatment. I am proud that you were able to walk away, and now you have the chance to meet someone who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve, and who will make you feel sexy every day.

[catfood]

Okay, for an update...

 

As the day goes on it's getting harder. I guess I expected maybe more support from friends. Though granted, many of them probably still don't know...

 

It just seems like that to the people who do know, this isn't any big news. I expected to receive an invite or something, a way to get out of the house so I don't sit and mope....

[Hope75]

Don't wait around for an invite, take yourself out! Go to your fave restaurant for dinner and take yourself to a movie that you've been wanting to see. It's a good way to get out of the heat, switch your cell phone off and focus your mind on something else for a change.

 

Remember you did this for you, and you are ultimately the one who is going to have to take care of you.

 

Don't forget that you will always get support here too!

 

Come back and vent whenever you need to.

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

My advise is to immediately tell your friends about the break up. This way, you won't hide the fact from yourself as well. My ex and I were together in denial for a month, kept on seeing each other-- he is asexual and really can't have any form of sexual relationship-- but we had to end it another time and even start a sort of NC. We call now every so often, and it set me free, you know. I called all my friends and they check up on me regularly.

 

It has felt very lonely because I thought I lost him, but now that we are really away from each other I KNOW I can't have this relationship. I need sex, I need the feeling of being wanted/desired/... I have a crazy crush at the moment, and feel happy about the break up now. It was a good decision for the both of us. I just wanted to share this with you, because I remember your other postings about him. Maybe you can relate to the 'not wanting to have a physical relationship-part' a bit.

 

I know I am always there for friends when they suffer from relationship-downs, and I know I can ask them for extra support in my troubled times. Call them and go out! You'll be fine. I think it was a good decision.

 

Ilse.