What does it mean

[eddie500]

What does it mean if both partners fight, both get really angry with each other to the point of wanting to break up.. Both also enjoy some of the greatest times with each other when they are not fighting,

 

but either partner can't break up with the other when the fighting gets really bad? And both partners always make up after the fighting.

 

And Both partners complain about not getting enough love from each other.

 

Should a relationship like this be ended?

[TroubledTwenties]

Hey Eddie,

 

I've been in that situation before, and it wasn't very pretty. In fact I was starting to feel like the Queen of turbulent relationships, so hopefully I can help with your situation.

 

Arguing in a relationship happens. People are different and they can't always expect to get along perfectly with each other. However, when you said,

 

"Both get really angry with each other to the point of wanting to break up"

 

That's not a good thing. Usually in a healthy relationship, the partners will have differences of opinion but there's never once that they lose sight of the fact that they love each other and want to be with each other. The fact that y'all think about breaking up when you get into arguments may mean that you need to think about the situation and decide if the good times outweigh the bad. The good times will only take you so far, and after some of that fades, and you're left with the reality, is it really so great? If, after you've weighed the options, if you both feel that you aren't getting enough love from the other person, then my advice would be for both of you guys to find someone who you feel would love you like you need to be loved. There are many people out there who will love you like you want. Being in an unhealthy relationship is not good for yourself and/or your girlfriend, because if you guys keep arguing like you are, you will end up resenting each other. I'm not an expert but I have been in some pretty rough situations with ex partners of mine, and while my relationship currently is going well, I have been in situations similar to what you are in now, and the best thing for me was to take steps away from that relationship and find a new partner. Hopefully, it will all work out for you. Take care...

[sorryJason]

Maybe if you can both agree on it, and you both really want to be together, I would go to couples conselling, and see if you two are meant to be together. I know for myself, I have really loved my ex, but I had problems expressing love or being in a relationship because all my relationships were modeled on my parents relationship which is not healthy at all.

 

Sometimes, just taking some time apart really helps you realize how much the other person means to you.

 

If you are really in love with each other, you should both be willing to do anything, to fight for you love.

 

I wish you the best of luck in this.

[DN]

Find a way to argue and discuss differences without fighting and blaming. Anger means that you stop seeing the other persons point of view. So set up 'rules' for sorting out differences - the prime one being that you have to listen to what the other person is saying before getting defensive and arguing back.

[smallworld]

Should a relationship like this be ended?

Hey Eddie, I don't believe in ending relationships (that aren't abusive) until you've tried everything. It's sad that you both don't feel as loved as you both need, but maybe it's really just a difference in love communication "styles." I know you guys aren't even thinking of marriage, but I thought I'd pass on two gems which teach how to fight "fair."

 

1. Dr. Gottmann has studied thousands of couples and how they "fight." He and his team can predict with fairly good accuracy which couples are likely to stay together and which will breakup. Surprisingly, how "loudly" the fighting gets isn't necessarily key. It's the respect for each other that counts. More here.. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman

 

2. link removed has a great section on how to resolve conflicts. See left hand column: link removed