Going crazy without him!

[JerseyCat]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost seven months. We are from the same town and live two minutes from each other. Well, at the present time he is away at college in NYC, which is two hours away.

We both have strong feelings for each other, but im having a hard time dealing with him being away. He says that He loves me and all, but sometimes he does things that make me doubt what he tells me. Like the other night he went out to a party and didnt get home until 5:00 the next morning! He was honest enough to tell me but I cant help but wonder, what was so important that he had to stay out until the next day!!?? He even had to work that same day at 10:00. That is so irresponsible of him. I was hurt, because I didnt expect that from him. What should I do? Should I ignore this and let it be? I miss him and it makes things so much worse because we are not there to work our problems face to face. Help. Im going crazy without him!!!

[jna35]

He's in college and having fun. I think it would have been irresponsible had he stayed out all night and then bailed on work. From what you said he actually went to work, unless I misunderstood what you said. I wouldn't read too much into it. Long distance relationships can be hard, but trust in the love you share.

[RayKay]

It sounds like he is partaking in the "fun" atmosphere of college....but it sounds like he did go to work, and was honest with you about it. As for what was so important - well he was probably having fun with friends and taking a breather from studying. I don't see how bringing it up as an "issue" would help other than make him feel smothered and not trusted.

 

And I don't see at all how that would be a demonstration of "him not loving you". Are there maybe other things he does that make you feel that way?

 

I think you are maybe more upset about it as might be feeling somewhat "left out" from his life right now, which is normal in LDR's, I experienced the same before. And it is why you need to make sure to live your OWN life right now. Of course work on maintaining the relationship, but don't focus everything so you are waiting to see him, call him and so on. LDr's work, but take work and commitment (like regular relationships really!). Should yours not work out though, you want to have a life to be able to lead...

[DN]

Why do you doubt his love for you because he stayed at a party until 5 a.m?

 

If he did miss work one day and was irresponsible for once, would that mean you don't love him any more?

 

Or is it really because you fear he might be cheating, or be tempted to cheat?

 

You must decide if you trust him or not. If you do not you should not be with him. If you do then you have to trust not only his fidelity but his judgment. If you can't do that then you will corrode the relationship.

 

Don't mask your insecurities by an apparent concern for him being irresponsible. You will start to sound like his Mom, no one wants to date his Mom.

[JerseyCat]

I think you are right, RayKay. I agree 100%. I do feel left out of his life right now. but I know it is expected in a LDR. I know he loves me. I just get very fustrated with not seeing him, that my mind has these doubts. I know that it something that i have to work on. And as for myself, I am living my life and doing alot to keep myself busy. It is the only way to get my mind off of missing him. thanks for the advice....