need advice regarding getting over cheating

[suebob1]

Thanks Mun and Hope yet again. I suppose yes i am waiting to see just how much things will change mun once he is back in his own place. Do you think he will change, as he is still using the excuse he is only with her and living with and as close as he is with her because of me, well once he is back in his own home he cannot use me as an excuse.I was talking to his mum and step dad yesterday and they say he still wants me but he has got himself in a situation he doesnt k ow how to get out of with her, ie living with her,as he is living with her he goes along with things but once in his own home he can do what he wants when he wants. The problem i am having ith him at the moment is finalising everything.The house maybe in his name but i am entitled to so much of the equity which i am relying on to complete my purchase, he just seems to delay everything for example he signed forms for another mortgage deal in order fpr him to release the equity and that should have been completing very soon but now he has turned and said he is going to do another deal,the papers for this deal have beeen sat at the house for 2 weeks and he hasnt even started the new deal.His parents say he is just delaying things, also he has said that when i get my equity he will then have a share in my house, i dont think so, i am just waiting to see if he mentions this again,again people say it is because he doesnt want to lose the connection with me, well tough. Now i have said i cannot be his friend whilst he is with her i just cannot, so i suppose yes i am waiting to see what happens when he moves back he has already said to me and his mum, and he wouldnt lie to his mum, that he will not be moving her in, he is not committed to her!Once i move out it will be upto him to fight for my friendship but whilst he is with her i dont want to know. I am goign away next weekend with group of friends and he has been invited should be interesting to see if he comes along which i think he will.I have now told him i cannot be friends whilst he is with her and he says yes cos i am the one who cannot cope with it?? yet he still wants to remain friends. I just cannot get my head round how he can just shut me out the way he does but again i think this is maybe because he is living with her and she is unaware of our friendship i think she just thinks he only contacts me occssionaly not goes away etc, this may or may not change when he moves away from her???

thanks again for your input xx

[Hope75]

Have you contacted a lawyer about getting him to finish that paperwork so you can get into your new house?

 

I would.

[suebob1]

well i finally did i pulled, it is a guy i have been friendly with for a while since bob left but i have never taken it any further, i funally took the plunge. the funny thing is i now feel guilty i feel as though i have cheated on bob, why?? i dont think things will get serious with this guy but it is fun who knows, i still love bob so it wouldnt be fare on the other guy anyway.

well i hadnt heard from bob since last monday and i did my best not to contact him, i got a text from him on saturday asking if i was ok, i didnt let him know if i am or am not, i just said i was keeping busy, he then sent a reply saying he had missed my texts even though when i had been texting him i went on all the time!! i just told him i hoped he was having fun and he just replied getting drunk guess having fun with soemone by my side as oppposed to being on my own! this was his way of having a dig, his mum seems to think he will be back soon i cannot let myself think this. He still hasnt filled in forms for his new mortgage and i am going to see my solicitor this week so i will need to contact bob to find out what he is doing, until this i am still not contacting him he can get in touch with me.

[Hope75]

Hi Sue,

 

I'm glad you are trying really hard to stand up for yourself and not contact bob. It's great that you went out and had a little fun with another guy. you are certainly entitled!

 

It's funny that after all this time and everything bob has put you through, you still feel like you need to be loyal to him and that you cheated on him. Not true! Remember, he has a girlfriend and you are single, and free to do whatever you like with whomever you like!

 

I've been thinking what an ego trip it must be for bob to have a girlfriend at home and then have you pining over him, and I think it's good that you are taking steps away from him and letting him see what the consequences of his actions all are about. That strong girl who threw him out after he cheated is coming to surface again and that's great.

 

Keep it up! I am proud of you.

[suebob1]

well i found out last night that the'honeymoon' period is over for bob and this girl, he finally admitted it to his mum. His mum thinks that me backing off latley may have something to do with it, i do too possibly as i now wait for him to contact me, and he has been for things such as when is his nieces bdays,etc.in a way i feel sorry for this girl as she is now where i was back in august/november time thinking that there was nothing wrong when all the time bob was having doubts, well there relationship didnt last long did it, to start with it had been built on lies. So now it is even more true than ever that he is only there for convenience sake!! something has obviously made him think, he has told his mum he cannot predict the future about us as she keeps saying she hopes we will get back together, he says we need to be friends before anything else. i really dont know what he is going to do now surely he cant stay there any longer now that he has finally admitted to his mum that the honeymoon period is over, before he kept saying he didnt know what he wanted aprt from he could not see a furture with her. he is still not done anything bout our house either, even though he knows i cannot complete till he does?

things with me and the new guy are ok, i dont think either of us wants anything out of it, i still cant help feeling guilty as i still do love bob very much, i do like this other guy dont get me wrong but it is nothing serious.

as for bob i really dont know what will happen i just wish he would do something about the house whenever i ask him about it he doesnt reply, by the way i only drop it in when he has initiated contact.when he asks how i am i dont tell him either way why should i let him know.

we were supposed to be going away this weekend and again he would have been going along asthe others invited him really cant understand him. he has done nothing but lie to this girl from day one.the old bob is there somewhere i just wish i knew what had made him decide that the honeymoon period is over, apparently she is still besotted with him!! as for me i wil continue to have fun and see what happens but i aint chasing anymore just wish i had been stronger sooner. wheni said to his mum i think he will be hurt after this she said she didnt think so as he has just used her for convenience, there relationship was completely different to ours, i always said she may look like me but she will never be me. thanks for listening.xx