Getting out there.

[SkyFire]

I have gone very far in one year. It has been the biggest breakthrough in my entire life. Usually my posts are about improvement in life. This time, I am going to post on my wisdom with women. Many people, as it seems, are very confused by them, and I am going to clear some of it up.

 

First off, here are a basic set of, lets not call them rules, but TRUTHS. You might disagree, but as with everything else in my posts, I swear by.

 

[b]1) LOOKS DONT MEAN QUALITY PERSON.[/b]

 

Good looking people are just lucky to be good looking. They are blessed with good genes, nothing else. Many hot girls (and guys) are some of the most weak-minded and insecure people ever. Trust me on this. Looks mean nothing. Character is what's important.

 

2) ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THEN WORDS.

 

This is the most important thing to know when it comes to dating. Trust me when I tell you. What a girl says should not matter to you, at all. From now on, stop paying attention to what a girl says. It is what she DOES that's important. For example: a girl tells you she likes you, yet she NEVER has time to see you or talk to you. This means she doesent like you, simple as that.

 

Another example: You are out with a girl, and she keeps changing the subject and telling you that one day she was out with a guy and he kissed her. most guys will think she is telling them about some other guy and brush it off, but in reality she is telling you to kiss her NOW.

 

This does not only go for girls. Look at what people DO, not at what they say.

 

3) GIRLS ARE VERY HORNY AND LIKE SEX AS MUCH, EVEN IF NOT MORE, THEN GUYS.

 

Delete all the things you have ever heard about how being horny and liking sex is bad out of your mind. Sex is good. If not for sex, none of us would be here. Undestand that the need to reproduce is in our genes, in both males and females. Alot of girls are simply afraid of being called promisquous. I hear my friends (I used to be one of these guys too) say how they call a girl promisquous cause she messed around with some guy and the word got out. This is wrong. Anyways, always remember that girls love sex and that they are VERY horny. Use that to your advantage. I will get back to this later.

 

4) WOMEN WANT WHAT THEY CANT HAVE

 

Its true. It is true for people in general too. The more you give something to someone, the more they will get used to it and it will become of less value. Its true with everything. Dont give women 100% of what they want to hear. Dont tell everything there is to know about you on the first date.

 

5) WOMEN ARE AS INSECURE, IF NOT MORE, THEN GUYS

 

Why do you think women hardly approach guys? They are even more scared of rejection then we are. Men generally are more confident then women. Look at your moms/sisters for examples. Why do you think a woman spends 2 hours preparing herself for a date? You can see it on this forum too. Women freak out if a guy they like hasnt called them, ect. PS: I am not saying women are weaker or inferior then men. I know women will flame me for writing this, but it IS true: In general, women are more insecure then men are.

 

Now on with the post:

 

Stop depending on women for happiness.

 

I constantly see the message that you can only be happy by getting a girlfriend or getting married in the media. This is nothing but a brainwashing load of doo-doo.

 

Happiness comes from YOU.

 

It boggles my mind to see how many guys are unhappy because, as they say, they are single. This is false. You are not unhappy because you have no woman, you are unhappy because your life is not set right. If your life was truly good and full of happiness and accomplishments, you wouldn't depend happiness on a woman.

 

With that said, getting a girlfriend will not make you happier. Quite the contrary, before getting a girlfriend, you should focus on making your life better (self-improvement).

 

Let me tell you, being single is awesome. You can do whatever and whoever you want, and you dont have to spend extra time and money on a girl.

 

As said before, your happiness depends on you and you only.

 

What women are attracted to.

 

Sorry to break it to you guys, but women are not attracted to wimps who do what women tell them to do and shower them with gifts.

 

Women are attracted to guys who have strength (not necessairly physical), confidence, and who are dominant. They say they want a nice guy, (weakness, bend at their every word), but they date and fvck the jerks (guys who display masculinity and strength in certain areas and who dont care what women think of them). This leads us to the next thing.

 

Women go crazy for guys who do not want them. They love a guy that's hard to get. They go crazy for guys who are willing to drop them at any moment and never look back. And, they like guys who all the other women like.

 

Appearance

 

You need to look attractive if you want to attract.

 

If youre overweight, research weightloss and hit the gym. Skinny? Research body building and gain muscle mass. Maintain a good posture. Walk with head up, chest a bit out, and shoulders back. Look straight ahead, not on the ground. It is good to see where youre going, plus you appear friendlier and more confident.

 

Get a suntan. Dont overdo it and get burned, however. This shows that you like to go out and dont stay home all the time.

 

Clothes. Mix and match and find your own style that looks good. PS: You dont need to wear all abrecrombie to look good. There is no need to spend 170 dollars on pants.

 

Face: If you have acne, buy the necessary products to remove it. Dont know what? Research. Washing face with rubbing alchohol helps, but I dont advice everyone to do this. Nowadays, most girls like a clean-shaved guy. I leave some facial hair because it looks good on me. I really have nothing more to say on shaving, other than if you are going to grow a beard, ghote or anything else, take care of it and keep it neat.

 

Hair plays a huge role. Ive noticed that gay guys are much better stylists and cut hair much better then women do. Get a stylist thats a guy, and he'll make your hair look attractive.

 

Building confidence

 

Ok, if you are an antisocial computer geek, I am not going to tell you to approach that sexy blonde girl. You most likely wont do it. If you do, then that's great. But you most likely wont, because it scares you to death.

 

You need to start small; when girls look at you, look back at them. Dont stare, but just look. Dont break eye contact by looking down. Practice this; go out and hold eye contact with people.

 

Start talking to strangers. Start saying hello to strangers. It helps ALOT when you also smile.

 

Do all the other things in this post, such as get a life (in the end) and make yourself more attractive. This will give you a huge confidence boost.

 

Getting the number and dates.

 

For this to be effective, looking attractive helps. If you fancy a girl, always go after her.

 

Assuming you've eliminated all your fear of apporaching strangers, you can approach women on the streets. Women that are by themselves and are not obviously doing anything are the best thing.

 

Dont automatically ask for her number. Introduce yourself, make smalltalk and then go in.

 

The more you approach, the better you will get.

 

For first dates, I reccomend action stuff. Dinner and movie dates are not good first dates. Go bowling, lazer tagging, whatever.

 

Signs of attraction

 

If girls are attracted to you, they will do certain things to give you clues for you to make a move on them.

 

These are signs that a girl is attracted to you

 

-she keeps looking at you and once you look back, she looks away.

-plays with hair when around you

-naturally becomes more cheerful and energetic when around you

-starts touching you

-instead of calling your name, she taps you

-her tone of voice and touch become much softer; they have "that look" in their eyes (meaning she wants you)

-keeps talking about kissing, dating, ect. (she wants you to ask her out/kiss her/whatever)

-has her body facing you and looking the other way

 

Signs that a girl is NOT attracted

 

-crosses her arms (she's bored)

-keeps looking around

-makes no effort to contribute to the conversation

-rolls eyes randomly

-looks at her feet

-starts fiddling with her hands

-is looking the other way

 

Desparate guys do not get girls.

 

This, once again, goes against everything the media tells us and against everything we have been made to believe. We have been made to think that girls like nice, sensitive guys who do what they're told. I want you to drop this brainwashing and look at the facts.

 

Now that that's been said, if you are an antisocial unattractive computer geek, doing that will not get you girls. That is where you need to have a drastic change, in other words, self-improvement.

 

Now I am not saying that guys should all be jerks and abuse women. That is not right. What I AM saying is that alot of guys need to grow a pair, and put their life before girls.

 

When a girl asks you to throw away your paper or hang you something that she herself can get up and get, do not mindlessly do it. Tell her to get it herself.

 

Getting a life

 

This is the most important factor of this whole thing. If you have no life, then you will be fake. If you have nothing to do, telling a girl you are out with your friends playing football will only work for so long. If you dont have a life, a girl WILL find out and she will stop being attracted to you.

 

If you have a life, everything will fall into place. Instead of thinking about a girl all day and getting a crush on her, you are writing a song, playing a sport, being productive.

 

Find out what your hobbies and talents are. Try new things. I found out just recently how much I love to rock climb. I would have never felt this unless I tried it firsthand.

 

Literally make a list of your personality, physical traits and hobbies. Do this honestly. If you lie, the only person you are deceiving is yourself. Now, make another list of all the things you WANT to be and to do. Then, go out and DO everything to become the kind of person you want to be.

 

This isnt "not being yourself." This is called becoming your best self. Dont be afraid of change, change is what makes this world work.

 

What does this have to do with attracting women? If you have a life, it will give you all the things women are attracted to: You will have confidence, you will be fun, you will know your worth and not be a wuss. You will naturally appear attractive to women.

 

This concludes it. Happy hunting.

[frogkisser]

Interesting take on the human condition. Looks don't= the quality of person but if you are not what a person considers at least somewhat attractive they will not attempt to go deeper. Some people say that the better looking a person is the more personality/mental problems they have. I couldn't say if that is true or not. I think we all have are own issues. It is also a wise rule of thumb to not listen to what any person says but to observe their actions instead, thats whats tangible. You can ask the average person and you will find that we all want something we don't or can't have, that is universal and not exclusively a female trait. If there is anyone who doesn't "have a life" don't dispair, watch the movie About a Boy. Great flick!

[apollocreed71]

funny you say that people want what they cant have. hey, i am the nice guy,but am working on that, it is sometimes hard. but over the last month, i really have not changed anything, but i now have a girlfriend. and ever since we started talking, all of the sudden women now want a relationship with me. there needs to be research done on this, do men give of a special odor, or do the women just smell another female on you, and that is what makes you attractive. whats your take on that.

[yokohama_mama]

You have a lot of good ideas in there, but I think your view on what women want is a bit extreme.

 

There is a wide range of guys (and girls) out there. Guys aren't either servile insecure wimps or hard dominant jerks. Personally while I don't like guys who are completely insecure, I've always liked guys who are nice (which doesn't mean 'doing what I say', it just means nice), fun to be with and have something interesting to say. Guys who come off as macho jerks who "are willing to drop me at any moment and never look back" will not be "dated or fvcked" by me!

 

As far as horniness and insecurity go, again there is a wide range of people out there. Some girls may be as or more horny than guys, some may be less. Same goes for insecurity. It would be nice if there was a foolproof guide to human behaviuor, but you have to allow for individual differences.

 

But you do have a lot of great ideas in your post, on getting a life, on actions speaking louder than words, on ways to tell poeple are attracted and so on.

[SkyFire]

funny you say that people want what they cant have. hey, i am the nice guy,but am working on that, it is sometimes hard. but over the last month, i really have not changed anything, but i now have a girlfriend. and ever since we started talking, all of the sudden women now want a relationship with me. there needs to be research done on this, do men give of a special odor, or do the women just smell another female on you, and that is what makes you attractive. whats your take on that.

 

Women want you because you got a gf? That is because they see that youre in demand to a certain level.

 

I think that men dont necessarily give off an "odor", but a vibe based on how you look and how you carry yourself.

[easyguy]

You need to look attractive if you want to attract.

 

What is "attractive"?

 

Bad hygienic habits aside, there is no concrete definition for "attractiveness". Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so what might be a bombshell or very attractive person to one might be hideous to another. Not all girls/women are in love in Brad Pitt. Not all guys find some star supermodels that attractive.

 

The general consensus is that women love a man with confidence and a good personality. Also, some women don't like egotistical guys who feel like they can get anything they want, and be the dominant one. A "nice" guy probably won't land a date with an extremely attractive woman who is an experienced dater, but eventually she will get tired of the arrogance and free-spiritedness that so many guys she has dated had, and go for a guy that treats her with respect.

 

However, I do agree that happiness comes from one's self. If you are happy with who you are and generally have a high self esteem, then you may be better off having to not deal with relationships and the ramifications that come about.

 

Btw, your first post sounds an awful lot like something that Panzerelli fellow would say. It doesn't really sound like something that would come out of a 16 year old's head, so I'm not disagreeing with you necessarily, but the author of that.

[ShySoul]

Good looking people are just lucky to be good looking. They are blessed with good genes, nothing else. Many hot girls (and guys) are some of the most weak-minded and insecure people ever. Trust me on this. Looks mean nothing. Character is what's important.

 

Yes, character is what counts. But what is good looking anyways? Name one person that is universally considered goodlooking. You can't do it. So "hot" is a relative term anyways. Better to throw it out of the vocabulary (unless to describe the weather ).

 

What a girl says should not matter to you, at all. From now on, stop paying attention to what a girl says. It is what she DOES that's important

 

Both are important. Yes, her actions can tell you alot, but her words are just as important. You can't just say what she says isn't important, you'll miss out on alot of important information that can help the relationship in so many ways. What you should do is try to find the underlying theme behind both the words and actions.

 

Anyways, always remember that girls love sex and that they are VERY horny. Use that to your advantage. I will get back to this later.

 

Sounds like your just trying to use a girls hormones to have sex with her. Thats a huge AVOID AT ALL COSTS. Theres something girls love and crave more then sex... love. If you respect the girl, your not considering her sex drive until you are already in a commited, serious relationship.

 

The more you give something to someone, the more they will get used to it and it will become of less value. Its true with everything. Dont give women 100% of what they want to hear. Dont tell everything there is to know about you on the first date.

 

Don't spill out everything at once, but not for the reason you put. You want to take it naturally, learn things as they come up. That way each new thing you learn about each other brings you closer together, making every time together feel like unwrapping a new christmas present and feeling the excitement and joy build up. Also, you shouldn't be giving a women what she wants to hear, you should be giving how you feel. If the relationship is suppose to be and going well, they should be the same thing. And if two people really care about each other, they won't get tired and it won't be less valuable. If anything each new day will be more valuable then the last.

 

Men generally are more confident then women. Look at your moms/sisters for examples. Why do you think a woman spends 2 hours preparing herself for a date? You can see it on this forum too. Women freak out if a guy they like hasnt called them, ect.

 

Everyone gets nervous and scared. That doesn't mean they are insecure. Actually, I see more posts from guys talking about them not having confidence in themselves. And looking at my mom and sister, I see two very strong and confident women. I see one of them dealing with a guy leaving her, another guy being abusive, and a third being an alcoholc. Yet she still stuck it out, raised her children the right, and is a great person. I see my sister as being another remarkable secure person. On the other hand I see one brother so insecure on certain things he turned to drugs, another who just avoids all contact, and a father who turned to alcohol. Maybe its just me, but I think my confidence comes from the women in my family.

 

Happiness comes from YOU.

 

Ok, can't argue with you there.

 

Women are attracted to guys who have strength (not necessairly physical), confidence, and who are dominant. They say they want a nice guy, (weakness, bend at their every word), but they date and fvck the jerks (guys who display masculinity and strength in certain areas and who dont care what women think of them). This leads us to the next thing

 

Strength (mainly emotional), and confidence is good. Then you lose it. Women don't want dominance, they don't want to be dominant. They want someone to be there equal. They want someone to stand beside them, not in front of or behind them. They may go through a bad boy phase, but they end up being disgusted that they went for that and turn to the nice guys. A nice guy isn't weakness, a nice guy is someone who honestly cares about them and will make her feel special and loved. Of course, you don't have to take my word, this comes from my sisters and every older women I know who have been involved in long healthy marriages.

 

Women go crazy for guys who do not want them. They love a guy that's hard to get. They go crazy for guys who are willing to drop them at any moment and never look back. And, they like guys who all the other women like.

 

Well, thats not true. Women will get tired of the chase and move onto someone they can actually be with. And girls don't want a guy takes his pick of girls. It makes them feel like just another number, not special.

 

You need to look attractive if you want to attract.

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm skinny, glasses, don't got muscles, not someone that is "hot." I've had acne throughout the years and I hate getting haircuts or worrying about my hair. A cut every six months so it doesn't cover my eyes is good enough for me. I hate shopping for clothes, I don't give a darn about style. That hasn't stopped girls from telling me how cute I am or saying they do find me attractive.

 

More later....

[ShySoul]

Building confidence

 

Best way to build confidence is to not even care about all this stuff. The mere fact of trying to do all this means that you are unhappy with yourself, that you don't have confidence in yourself. It's creating extra pressure. Don't think, just act. Be yourself, however you are. Antisocial geek? Cool. 8) Revel in that. Try embracing that element of who you are, or any other element. Find complete peace with the way you are know, and see that there is nothing wrong with that. That will boost your confidence. In turn you will attract other people with similar interests. Hey, even a shy antisocial geek like me has been able to attract fellow shy antisocial geeks.

 

Getting the number and dates

 

Again, don't think. Your goal isn't to get a number or get a date. It is simple to enjoy life and be you. Eventually you will meet someone and start to hang out with them. And you don't need to approach others, either it will happen naturally or (if fate is shining on you) someone will approach you. It happened to me, so it can happen to anyone.

 

Signs of attraction:

 

We need a list for this stuff? Seems like its pretty easy to tell when someones interested in being around you or if they are desparate to leave. Don't think, you'll just get a feeling. Trust the feeling.

 

We have been made to think that girls like nice, sensitive guys who do what they're told

 

But they do like nice, sensitive guys. Your mistaking someone who is nice and actually listens to the girl for someone who is desparate. Desparate is when you get on your knees and beg the person to go out with you. Don't think many guys are doing that.

 

Don't be a willing slave, yes. But if you can do something small and nice for her, does that really hurt you any? And it shows that you care about her.

 

And whats with the prejudice against antisocial computer geeks? You realize that they will be billionaires one day and that you'll be wishing you treated them better.

[SkyFire]

Shysoul... what you are saying is that everyone should stay the way they are, never changing.

 

You, in another post, said you were extremely shy.

 

You should always accept yourself.. yes. But why settle down if you can have more? Why settle down being who you are instead of becoming who you want to be? You can keep the character traits you have and still become alot better. You will have much more fun at life, you will have more success, life will generally be way better.

 

Being nice will only get you to a certain point. Just niceness alone is never going to cut it. This goes deeper then just women. It goes for success in life.

 

Answer this for me, why do you settle if you can have more? You seem happy with yourself, thats good. But why do you not want to be even happier?

 

To easyguy:

 

What is attractive? It is whatever you see as attractive.

 

As you said about the nice guy and the beautiful woman... It goes deeper then just niceness like I said before. Niceness is a good trait to have, but, again, it alone wont cut it.

 

There is nothing wrong with being arrogant as long as it's justified. There is a difference between c0cky and arrogant. The girl might go for the nice guy, but then she will get bored with him and start going for the jerks again. Ive seen it happen.

 

Everything I wrote came out of my head. Being 16 has nothing to do with it. Ive met the right people in life, and I always reflect on myself.

[ShySoul]

Being shy I've gone through periods of wondering if I should change myself, become better by doing different things or adopting a different attitude, one more inclined with the way most people think. I've cursed my shyness. And all I ever got from it was being depressed. I tried things that you said, try to be that guy. I felt like a phony. It was then that I realized that being happy doesn't come from without or from doing most of what you mentioned. I say that by fully embracing who I already was, who I have always been that I would be much happier then I had ever been.

 

I have changed, but the change has come from being completely accepting of myself. The real problem for most people, shy people especially, isn't that they don't change or don't want to improve themselves. It's that they change too much and forget the basic core of who they are. They embrace the ideas that society tosses at them, mainly because they want to fit in. But in doing that they push down something deep within them. Fears, desire to be accepted, have lots of social interaction often causes people to feel like they have to hide much of who they are. I say to just embrace those parts, and explore them more. You'll be happier for it.

 

Your post was full of generalizations. You call nice guys whimps, put down antisocial geeks, tell people that are skinny or have had acne problems that they are unattractive. If people who fit these things look at that they may just feel worse about themselves. They'll get the impression they are whimps, geeks, and unattractive. Then they will get depressed, lose confidence in themselves, and that won't help. Or they will try to change into what society tells them to be, out their heart won't be in it. I take the opposite approach, get someone comfortable with themselves and get them to see there is nothing wrong with them. I'm a nice guy, but I'm not a whimp. I'm an antisocial geek, but just about everyone I meet likes me. I'm skinny and had acne, but that hasn't stopped girls from saying I'm attractive. Why change anything when by embracing all aspects of myself, I am happy and attracting others to me?

 

You were born with certain traits for a reason. See that they are your strengths, and focus on your strengths. I am shy, so I'm going to use that to my advantage. Plenty of girls think shyness is cute, and I'm one that goes for shy girls. So why be outgoing if its not me? I'm nice and have a good heart. I enjoy helping others and being nice. It makes me happy, so I'll do it. It isn't even about me being happy, its about being able to make others happy. And do you know how much a girl digs someone who is willing to go out of there way to help people or volunteer their time with children? I'm not settling, if anything more doors have opened to me since I stopped thinking I had to do anything different and started following the personality/appearance/interests I have always had.

 

Yes, niceness alone isn't they only factor. But (and I hate saying this cause I feel like I'm bragging) I am also smart, funny in a off the wall kind of way, caring, sensitive, confident, etc. The fact that I am extremely nice is the icing on the cake. It's what allows me to be friends with everyone (well, accept for my jealous cousin ) and get close to people. It's also brings me a feeling of satisfaction knowing I have helped someone. But most importantly, being nice is just the right thing to do.

[SkyFire]

Ive been the nice guy. Ive been shy as hell before. Rather than accepting it, I changed. Why? Because I was pretty damn unhappy being the "nice guy". Ive done the things you say, Ive committed selfless acts for others just because. Sure it felt good, but at the end it didnt help me one bit. Insead of embracing myself, Ive changed.

 

Ive also been the jerk. Without even noticing it, my arrogance took over and I havent even seen it coming. Ive been in both the extremes, and I say where I am right now, in between the nice guy and jerk, is the best Ive felt.

 

And guess what... im not a phony. I STILL have the same core values that Ive had before. I am not a jerk, oh no. I am nice and sincere to everyone as long as they respect me back, if not, I dont associate witht hem. I was never saying in any of my posts to embrace what society tells you. Its all about self respect. I tell people to change into what they want to be.

 

I am not making people worse about themselves. The point of that is to make people realize their flaws, get people off their butts and go do something about them. I never said skinny was unattractive. I am 6'0 and weigh 140 which is pretty damn skinny, and I consider myself attractive. Its a huge change since Ive started lifting, when I was at 125. You are contradicting yourself when you say you are an antisocial geek but you are funny and people tend to like you. You say you follow your own interests/personality. Thats what Im saying in my post man.

 

It is great that you are happy with yourself and all, you do have a point there.

 

But my point still stands that you should never settle with yourself, you can be the guy you are but simply improve everything about you and become better.

[ShySoul]

Because I was pretty damn unhappy being the "nice guy". Ive done the things you say, Ive committed selfless acts for others just because. Sure it felt good, but at the end it didnt help me one bit.

 

Being nice, committing selfless acts isn't about how you feel or what you get from it. It's about what you give. It's about what others get from it. And it did help you. It helped you to be a good person. It helped you see what is really important, that is if you had been paying attention. But your at a point where you lose sight of those things and focus on what society tells us to value.

 

I was never saying in any of my posts to embrace what society tells you. Its all about self respect. I tell people to change into what they want to be.

 

But in the process you were putting down people who don't follow the typical mold of society. Your telling people to change from things when there is nothing wrong with what is there to begin with. If it ain't broke, why fix it?

 

I am 6'0 and weigh 140 which is pretty damn skinny, and I consider myself attractive. Its a huge change since Ive started lifting, when I was at 125. You are contradicting yourself when you say you are an antisocial geek but you are funny and people tend to like you. You say you follow your own interests/personality. Thats what Im saying in my post man.

 

I'm 5'7'' and 130, shorter and skinner. And I not only consider myself attractive, I've been told that. But I see that what makes me really attractive is the fact that I don't care being attractive or not. I am me. How I look on the outside is a matter of genetics and hygiene. Nothing special. Who I am on the inside, there is real attractiveness. So as long as your physical look isn't making you sick, it doesn't matter.

 

It's not a contradiction to be an antisocial geek and be funny and have people like you. I tend to stay to myself and prefer staying in to going out. My interests are typical geek stuff: video games, computer games, science fiction, brain teasers. Hey, I've even got glasses! Yet I'm around people (since its hard not to be unless I move to the forest and become a hermit) and can get along with them great, even when I have few things in common with any of them. I don't speak out much, but when I do I always have something interesting, insightful, nice, or funny thing to say. Few people have ever had a problem with me or thought less of me because of my personality, appearance, etc. And those that did were the jerks and bullies who put most people down and who had didn't really have any friends of their own.

 

But my point still stands that you should never settle with yourself, you can be the guy you are but simply improve everything about you and become better.

 

Yes, don't settle. I just find that the best way to go about it is to not change, and in so doing you change more then would believe.