how can I get him to leave

[sanda]

My abusive ex boyfriend has made my life hell over the last 5 years. He lives on a caravan on my caravan site and refuses to leave, things are getting worses and worse, he comes to my door to see our 5 yr old daugter and says really upsetting things to me . He wants me to signs a parents rights form and because I wont he has reported me to the social workers and the police, well allegedly he has done this or he threatens to do it all the time. I know that they will be happy with the care they see I give my daughter if they were to visit my home , but its upsetting when he says this. I went to see a soliciter and she is sending him a letter asking him to leave . Im really scared that when he gets the letter he will go completely mad, he has a long history of violence to women [ I didnt know this when I employed him as handyman then became pregnant]

I lock my doors but live in an isolated area, although at the moment there are many people around with my caravan site being so busy. Its awful because when ever he comes to the door and upsets me I get sick and scared, when I see him I feel the same , I so need him to go but he wont. He says hes reported me for leaving Ros with her brother whos 14 but I am only out in the back garden ! This cant be right surely , she is within earshot and surely her brother is old enough. Also my mum her gran lives with me shes old but shes very fit and with it , he says that doesnt count. He swears and says horrible upsetting things all the time but I would think the police would say I was being trivial just calling them to say he called me this or that . He used to threaten me physically a lot and had me by the throat only at christmas but he hasnt done it for a while . He is not allowed to see his other two children from his marraige but he says thats the past and why do I keep bringing it up.

I am sitting here just a mess again but I dont know what to do about him, because until he goes he will keep doing this , do any of you have any experience of this type of person, how should I react when he starts being abusive to me , I just get stressed and upset and ask him to leave but he pushes his way in then after he goes I just cry. I have loads of friends who support me but I need advice from someone who has been through it before

sorry its such a long post ,

 

Sanda

[jna35]

I am so sorry for what you are going through!! I would highly recommend getting a restraining order against him. It worries me that you have a young child. He has NO right to hurt you or intimidate you! Take care of yourself!

[yokohama_mama]

Since he's your employee, can't you fire him? And since it's your caravan site, can't you evict him? In any case you really need to get the help of the police on this one, he's obviously the type who needs to bully women, but I'd bet he's intimidated by other men. I think the police take domestic violence and threats quite seriously these days. Try to collect any evidence you can (tape record conversations if possible, have people who've overheard him make witness statements, etc.) and call the police whenever a threatening incident happens so they'll have a record of complaints against him.

 

And I'm very sorry, it must be awful to live in fear all the time.

[DN]

Am I right that you live in the UK? If so this site may help you

 

link removed

 

In the meantime go to the police, tell them what has happened and ask them what can be done to protect you.

[sanda]

Thank you, I have the phone number of the local womans aid lady but shes not working at the weekend

I wil try the helpline.

If I phone the police they are so nice and understanding I will just start crying again, Im trying to hold myself together because of Roslin and also its very busy on my site today so I cant answer the door crying ! Hes gone away till monday but he left me with 'we need to have a little chat when I come back ' which makes me feel nervous and worried all weekend now,

stupid me Im just sitting here with tears running down my cheeks I will go and give Ros her dinner and try and phone the helpline

Joyce

[DN]

It may be helpful if you take your daughter with you and go to the actual police station and ask to speak to someone. Tell the desk sergeant what it is you need to talk about privately and s/he will probably arrange for someone trained in domestic issues to talk to you.

[sanda]

I phoned the helpline whohave told me to contact the police. I have done so and will speak to them properly on monday when there is someone in . She also asked me to tell the police that I need to see a community safetey officer to check my door locks , and that when he comes to the door to lock it, say I dont want to speak to him and call the police if he gets abusive , this is good advice and hopefully I will be able to do all that when he comes down to the door.

Yes Ros will be effected by seeing her dad locked out the house but maybe not as much as seeing her mum get beaten up .

So thank you for all your help and I feel much better now and stronger,

Sanda

[DN]

Good for you, keep strong for yourself and for your daughter.

 

If you have neighbours that you trust it may be a good thing to alert them to the potential problem so that they can call the police if they see or hear anything happening.

 

If you have a cordless phone keep it with you as much as possible so that you can dial 999 quickly.

[sanda]

The police have a warned him to stay away from the door and to take another person with him when he wants to see his daughter.

He has carried out his threats of reporting me so tomorrow I have a social worker coming to visit me in connection with my daughters care. I know I have nothing to worry about but its still upsetting

He has also reported me to the police , the doctor and ' the Priest [!]not sure yet what he has said I think he might want the priest to pour some holy water on me because he has often called me 'evil' and 'a witch' laughable I know but its not nice at the time

Looking forward to the day he finally goes for good.

Sanda