Why do some dumpers immediately hookup after their breakups?

[kaime]

Question

 

Why do some dumpers try to jump right back into relationships or dating?

 

I have my own suspicions or ideas.

 

* I am thinking that in certain cases it is easier to get over your ex when you jump back into a realtionship. That they can maybe fill the void that was left when you left/or was asked to leave.

 

OR They wanted out of the relationship so that they could date again.

 

Any more or indepth comments?

 

I have been told by my ex, or questioned at the time when we were breaking up "What are you afraid to be alone?" No honestly I'm not afraid. I can date, and have been on a few dates - but I decided that I wanted to take some time out for myself for the rest of the year and be with myself. I now wonder that same question for him as it seems as he's trying to date around now, and actually was only a month or so after our breakup began.

 

So I got to thinking...I am generally curious - I am not trying to get back with my ex. I don't know who he is any longer. I have moved on and I'm kool more or less (though I have my days) but I do wonder after reading this forum for the past few months now. What makes people tick. I know there are no real true answers for this as every situation seems to be gravely different, but I thought it'd be interesting to get your thoughts on this matter.

 

What do you think?

[disEnchantid]

it's a good question kaime, and everyone will probably have a different answer

 

Using my own experience of immediately hooking up with someone after breaking up with another, it was probably because of that weird self confidence you get when you break up with someone. You have someone telling you how wonderful you are, and how they can't bear to live without you...it's bound to have an effect on the way you interact with others (and we all know that confidence is the #1 source of attraction).

 

I also think that break ups tend to be less spontaneous than the dumpee often realizes. And the impetus for actually severing the ties is frequently the appearance of a new love interest on the part of the dumper.

 

Let's face it, breaking up with someone you love and care about is never easy, and knowing you have someone else there to keep you firm in your decision can make it a lot less difficult.

 

I'm not saying this is right, or condoning this behavior in any way. I think that for those of us that have been on both ends of this situation, we know that "rebound" relationships are usually doomed from the start.

 

I think you are wise and admirable for recognizing that you need time out for yourself to separate emotionally from the ex. Try not to think or worry about what he is up to dating wise, it is only going to make it harder for you to heal.

 

best of luck!

-dE

[Jinx]

It all depends on the individual themself for their break up doings and motives and what is done there after.

 

Some are clingy individuals no doubt. They just cannot be without anyone, so they make sure there is a potential on hold before they break up. Once that person is open there is no use for the other they had been dating. thereforeeee, no being lonely.

 

Some leech onto anyone they can find as to offer some comfort to the poor unfortunate them that dumped and ran from a relationship for such and such reasons. Eventually, once they've got over their problems, they'll usually split from them as well. They weren't really an important "item" just a shoulder to keep close by while looking around.

 

Whereas others, the previous relationship was so bad and got strung along for so long, once they're finally out they're happy to continue on with life and they had their coping period months ago when they first realized the end was there whether they were still a pair or not. thereforeeee they can proceed onto the dating scene easily as they're past those stages.

 

It can be a multitude of reasons, and sure there are hundreds of others which I haven't even got near but from what I've observed, if they jump right out there - Its clingy, its strictly emotional comfort, or they could care less about the relationship previous so why not get out there and make up for lost time.

[Minty80]

It is going to be a different answer for everyone.

 

For me it was that shortly after my ex-husband and I separated I felt ready to date again. I had gone through the process of grieving for the relationship while we were still technically together. I didn't ask for a divorce until I had already finished grieving and given up all hope of a good relationship between us (though so this doesn't sound heartless he was well aware of what was going on). Really it had been YEARS since there was any sort of connection between us, and when we separated I never felt anything much more than relief.

 

I felt badly because he was very upset initially, then I found out he had been cheating on me with my bestfriend so any guilt I had quickly went out the window.

[kaime]

Try not to think or worry about what he is up to dating wise, it is only going to make it harder for you to heal.

 

Thankfully...I don't really care what he's up to. Don't know what's going on in his life don't need to. This is just something I had been thinking about and thought it'd be fun/interesting to find out what people thought.

 

Side note - however, in my case...there wasn't another person waiting in the wings. But there was cheating, so yeah a good ego boost and the confidence level thing. That's very interesting. I hadn't thought about that one.

 

Good response! This is interesting, your responses are great guys. Any more?!

 

You know...I would think that people would want to take time for themselves and enjoy their new found freedom. Rather than jump into another relationship or even dating situation. But then again...that's just me. Like you guys said, a bunch of different answers from different folks.

[overtheedge]

I think dumpers try to get right back into relationships because of their own insecurities. In my situation, my ex cheated on me with and then started dating one of my best friends. She didn't tell me that any of this was going on, but instead she blamed the entire breakup on me. She basically told me everything that she didn't like about me and then said she didn't love me anymore.

 

Looking back on it, I'm completely sure that she did this in order to justify her own actions. It really hurt that she would completely tear me apart, just to make herself look better. She knew that I would probably end things if I found out she had cheated on me, so she decided to go on the offensive instead.

 

This just showed me her insecurities and convinced me that her reason for getting back into a relationship was because of those insecurities. The guy she started dating is also very insecure so they can feed off of each other. People like that are in constant need of reassurement and praise and they will never learn to be independent.

[Hleb]

My ex was seeing a guy 2 weeks before she told me it was over.Her excuse was she thought it was over months ago and that we was just friends. When i asked her when she would have told me she had a man she said she would - which was a contradiction cos if we was just friends then why would i care if she had a man !!

 

since 16 (and she 24) she has never been without a man for more than a month.her relationships haven't lasted more than 2 yrs. She seems insecure and needs to be loved. She reckons once she gets married her insecurities will go because she knows her man is coming home to her !!

 

I don't understand how people can go from one relationship to another without time to mourn. I think she may have mourn the relationship while with me and when this new man came it was an excuse to leave.

[pattysky]

They start dating or seeing other people because they need to feel secure and if the person that dumped you, is already looking to get a new person in thier life, then it means that they don't like themselves very much because they won't even give themselves the time to heal. My ex started talking to this other girl less than a month after he broke up with me, and she turned out to be a major player and was sleeping around with many men. (good for him, he deserved that)

 

They all eventually experience what I call "THE MELTDOWN" where they begin to feel guilt and regret.

[Hleb]

Even though she left and move with another man. I'm ok about it because I knew she wasn't what I wanted. She wants to tell me what her man does for her what i didn't do. I don't understand why are you bothered about a previous relationship if you're 'happy' in a new one which she says she is. I think she is on the rebound and has to convince herself that she has the better option.