An "occupation" with jealousy

[BlkLagoon]

I've met a genuinely caring, sweet guy who I don't think would really be the cheating type. However, he works as an actor, and this causes me to have a lot of issues with jealousy. The last boyfriend I had was also an actor for a living, and my jealousy with him and women became so crazy that the relationship went fast down the drain because of it.

The new guy is a lot more open to communication, and I feel like he's more trustworthy than any guy I've met so far... but the same issues are coming back. He occasionally has roles where there's kissing involved with an actress- and it's very hard for me to put it in my head that it's only acting. I find it a threat automatically.

If I don't figure out a way to squash this reaction in my head, I just know it will lead to major problems that he shouldn't have to deal with.

How can I stop the irrational thoughts from coming back? I hide them now, so he has no idea.... it's too early on in the relationship to have a talk with him, and I don't want to scare him away.

[Mun]

Is it only actors that bring this on...or does this happen with other men too? If it's just actors you might consider dating men in other professions.

 

In any case, I think you are doing well to recognize that these emotions are based on your own insecurities and not his actions. Keep that communication open and trust him until he shows you otherwise. Remind yourself he is a sweet guy and don't judge him on something he hasn't done yet.

 

Have you tried counseling to deal with your insecurities?

 

Anyway, if this gets the better of you then it might serve you right to decide you are just not thick skinned enough to date someone that will be kissing other women--even if it is fake.

[annie24]

yeah, I like Muneca's advice. Maybe you're just not the type of woman that can date actors.... but, then again, obviously, people of all professions can cheat, and actors just are doing what they are getting paid to do. Do you have this problem with other men you have dated?

 

Is it the acting/kissing roles that are bothering you, or that lots of actors go to crazy parties with actresses and have a different "lifestyle?" Maybe you should start dating computer engineers or something?

[BlkLagoon]

Ha.. I did date/live with a computer engineer once- he was the one bf that did cheat on me!

I'm attracted to men that work in this industry (I'm a make-up artist)- I'm drawn to their creativity, skills/ability... with this guy, it was just an instant attraction and now we're heading forward & giving things a try. I don't want to have to compromise what I'm attracted to. I like everything else about what he does as an actor and really enjoy working with him and seeing his work- I support what he does and he supports me.... but I know there are always going to be times when there's some love scene happening, and this is the one thing I foresee as a problem (for me), but not worth totally giving up over. We get along incredibly!

I think it'd be natural for him to sometimes like doing love scenes to some degree, and that would hurt me. However, I'm trying to figure out how to get over that and realize it doesn't mean anything will come of it... it's more important to me to try and overcome that than to decided I -can't- be that type of woman. When the jealousy emerges, I tend to take it out on the guy and not address my weakness.

I have had this problem with other men-- musicians. haha Well I probably wouldn't be drawn a guy without an interesting career.... I don't like always being on edge about other women... but I can't go the computer engineer route.

[annie24]

when it comes up, talk to your man about your jealousy. I think that he'll probably say something like, "Honey - I like you! That's why I'm dating you. Sure, I don't mind kissing that beautiful woman, but you have to remember that that's my job!"

 

He's not a porn actor, is he? So, like, 90% of his scenes are probably dialogue or action scenes - not romantic scenes.

 

ok - ha ha! no more engineers! Don't worry about this man unless he starts kissing other women off-screen