Aikoji Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Lately my bf seems to neglect my perspective when he does some things. This leads me to feeling a bit bad and misunderstood because I know he thinks he's done nothing wrong and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I'll mention a few examples. When we first got together he admitted to me that he was used to flirting, and was sorry if I thought he was doing so. He did flirt with a few girls at the after-school program at our high school, but after we became closer he stopped entirely...but that didn't stop the girls from flirting with him... they would do their giddy laughs and scoot closer to him and I would try to stay close but eventually kept my distance, I hated to see them doing so. The main reason was we don't want anyone to know we're dating so they don't know he's not single, but it should be obvious since we're nearly always with each other. When I told him I didn't like them flirting with him he was silent and I could tell it hurt him and then he said "They're just my friends..." that's when I relized he didn't see them the way I did(though later one of them asked him out, though I'm not the type to say "I told you so"), he doesn't really notice flirting. This especially hurt me after our first kiss and all we'd been through together. Another time he told me he got a call from Rachel(his ex-girlfriend from 3 years ago he doesn't talk much of) and they chatted for awhile, this again hurt me, he wasn't really thinking of it as "talking to his ex" but rather talking to an old friend so I didn't know what to say or describe why it seemed wrong. This summer he also went to her B-day party, I wanted to protest...but I felt like I would be being rude. After he went to it he didn't really tell me much about it, I wanted to question him and find out what she said/did to him but I didn't want to be snoopy. Now for the most recent event: This Saturday we planned to go to this movie night at the local aquatic center(you swim while you watch the movie etc...) and I thought this was going to be a nice night fo us to finally spend some time together, but instead he went off and invited a couple of his friends to go... I admit I was quite angry at this but said nothing to him, but in response invited a couple of my friends to go. Can anyone provide some advice for me? I don't like feeling hurt so much.... Link to comment
Tigris Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Stop seeing him! He doesn't care about you as much as you care about him! My first husband did that to me when we started going out together. He wanted my two younger sisters to go everywhere with us. I just wanted to be alone with him. It was an omen but I married him anyway. After 2.5 years the marriage started to go wrong. I stuck it out for 5 years! I married again and we've been together for 13 years! It was the best decision I ever made! Does he make you feel jealous when other people take up your valuable time together? If the answer is Yes, he's no good for you! My advice is find a nice guy. One who takes your feelings into account. Good Luck Link to comment
Reilly2856 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 First of all, I must ask, why don't you guys want ppl to know you are a couple? I think there is the main problem: though u guys hang out a lot, many girls may just think you two are friends....so they see no reason not to flirt with him. Best thing to do would be to talk to him and tell him all these things bother you. Say you trust him and all when he's with these girls, but it doesn't make you feel comfortable seeing them hang all over him. If he's williing to change his ways, then great. If not, you definitely need to end this relationship because things will continue as they are going....which don't look to great from your standpoint. A relationship is about giving and taking...if he knkows this bothers you, and he cares enough for you...he should be willing to give these things up. Link to comment
Tigris Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 I think he hasn't told them because he enjoys the attention! Link to comment
Aikoji Posted July 23, 2005 Author Share Posted July 23, 2005 I definitely don't want to see someone else, but thanks for the advice. Despite that, he still is the sweetest, kindest guy I've ever met. Especially compared to all the other jerks who go to our high school. I couldn't imagine being with someone else... Even if there are better guys out there I wouldn't be interested. I think that's what's part of a relationship is to put aside what is wrong about that person, because there is no one that is perfect. I just want to find a way to address my feelings in a way that's not hurtful, he's very sensitive o.o I don't want it to be like when I told him that I didn't like the girls after-school were flirting with him. Link to comment
Aikoji Posted July 23, 2005 Author Share Posted July 23, 2005 Also, I forgot to mention why we don't say we are a couple, it's actually for our own protection. He's 17 and I'm 18, and his Mom thinks he's too young to have a gf -.o We want to stay together, but we also don't want to cause trouble for our parents. Otherwise we would definitely have made it clear. Link to comment
Aikoji Posted July 23, 2005 Author Share Posted July 23, 2005 Well then everyone, tomorrow is the day we go to that swimming movie thing.... I want to see if I can drag him away from his friend and somehow distract my friends and tell him about all this, I mean how I dislike his distance he gives me, I've told him tons about my life, but sometimes I feel left out, I know he would tell me anything if I asked...but is it wrong of me to think that I shouldn't have to ask to know what is going on in his life? Anyway, I've decided to tell him that I wish he will look at my perspective sometimes, and especially ask me first before his friend(e.g. he asked his friend if he could go first, then asked me if it was alright, leaving me with no choice). I'd been trying to hint throughout the week that I wanted this time together because quite a lot of stressful things were going on, like my Mom just had surgery Tuesday and I was hoping this could be a day to cheer me up after all that. I'll check here every once in awhile and tomorrow morning or afternoon for replies. Link to comment
Aikoji Posted July 23, 2005 Author Share Posted July 23, 2005 Hmm....No replies for a very long time -.- Link to comment
Tigris Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 I haven't forgotten about you, I live in England! Can't remember what the time difference is? I'll read your last message and have a think! Link to comment
Tigris Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 I know you said his Mom wouldn't like it but couldn't he tell his friends? Then the girls would 'back off' a bit. Or at least some of them would! Is he frightened of his Mom or is it just that he respects her wishes? Anyway, I think I may have misjudged him, however, you do need to get him alone and talk to him. He does need to understand that you have to be put first, not behind his friends! Take it from me, men don't think like we do. I've been married fo 13 years and I still have to make things I D I O T proof for him to understand! He' probably say the same about me at times. It's the old man/woman story! The only way to solve the problem is to say, 'When you said/did so and so you upset me, because .......!' Be really, really nice. He may not have realised he'd done it! ***Need advice, please help!*** I only joined a few days ago! I've answered a lot of questions and had no problems. However, in the early hours of this morning (GMT) I tried to ask a question. It's called 'Help me, I don't know what sex I am anymore!' I submitted it. I don't know where it is on the forum? Link to comment
Aikoji Posted July 26, 2005 Author Share Posted July 26, 2005 First of all, he really does respect his Mom and loves her even more than he loves me. I did talk to him about everything that was going on and you'll be pleased to know everything worked out fine and we're very happy^^ He told he knows that they flirt with him but he just tries to ignore them so they wont get into their stupid little groups and form "hate clubs" against him if you know what I mean. He additionally apologized for the thing with Rachel and he didn't know I felt that way about it. He also agreed that if he's invited somewhere by me or anyone else in that matter to ask the person who invited him first before inviting someone else. Thanks, and the advice was appreciated. Everything worked out in the traditional "kiss and make up" way and I'm very happy again I now have a new question which is located in the "love" forum and would appreciate the advice. Link to comment
Tigris Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 I don't need your help with my problem. I've found out where my message is. If you did try, then thanks. Looking forward to hearing more of your story. Take care. Link to comment
1love2k5 Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 hi. i met this guy a few months ago at my previous job i worked at, and i recently told him that i was starting to develop these feelings for him as in starting to fall for this guy, but i'm not so sure if he feels the same way about me. we both get intimate a lot as well as hang out together, but we also live together too. i already told him how i felt, but he never said anyhing back. did i say something wrong to him or am i moving too fast? how do i know if he feels the same way about me? please help! Link to comment
Tigris Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 1Love, stop speculating and talk to him. Good luck Link to comment
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