Queen88 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Okay. So...my boyfriend of almost a year and a half has told me about his past. For the record we are both almost 20 years old. Past meaning that as a young teenager (ages 13-17) his best friend and him had nights where they would "do things together". In addition to this friend....my boyfriend also had 2 other friends that would do things with him. Naturally, he began to enjoy gay porn. He admitted to me that he has been bisexual since as long as he can remember. (new information to me). When we kiss and all....he "gets excited" perfectly fine. However, when we have sex he isnt that hard and it takes forever (like more than 30mins) to finish. When, he has told me stories about getting one in 5 minutes when wacking to gay porn. I've tried to be understanding because this man is my best friend and my other half. We are literally insepearbale. He says he honestly doesnt want to be "addicted" to gay porn anymore because he wants our relationship to be as best as it can be. However, he cant seem to keep that promise. It always seems to get worse. I've been told that its a "momentary thing" for him and that he really wants me....and wouldnt go out and get with a guy ever again. That part of his life is past him. Yet, I'm constantly thinking to myself that he doesnt really want me....he's only with me because 1)his dad is firmly against gay relationships of any kind 2)its more acceptable in society to be with a girl 3) he doesnt want to hurt me. I dont know what to do. Its not like he cant get hard to me. Its just that he has this obessesion with gay porn. Any advice would be great. Thanks so much. Link to comment
asdf Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 sounds like he's gay. his dad being so anti-homo probably has made him feel like he has to play it straight. Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Yep. Sounds like he's more male oriented than female oriented. Could be wrong.. .but the not getting hard thing... nope. Look. You are lucky. You know about his history up front. He's honest with you and tells you what he did. And that he likes gay porn. He might not want to watch it..but he's got a pull toward it... sooooo does he not want it because its still a social "taboo" in many respects? A hetero life style is much easier than a homosexual lifestyle. You said he was your best friend. And you love him. Well...you might want to think about telling him its ok... its ok for him to be who he needs to be and live the way he wants to live. Save yourself the heart ache honey. Like I said.. at least you know for sure. Those of us out here who find GAY PORN on their computer get the shocks of our lives... and thats much further into the relationship. You haven't been dating that long... your sex life should be.. ACES right now... he should be getting as hard as nails... at his age, and at this stage of your relationship. The fact that you are posting here and concerned... looking for advice... I think you already know the answer to your own questions. Yes, he very well may be. And Yes... if you have problems now... it will only get worse. but then again.. thats only my 2Cents. Link to comment
SadnConfused Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 I am sorry. And no intention to offend you but, seriously I had to chuckle a little. If you want to stay with him and all of that stuff does not matter to you (strange). Here is the only advice I can think to offer. By the way this would probably be a big surprise to him.... Buy yourself a strap on. I am sure his eyes and other things will light up... lmao. Link to comment
randy Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 I am sorry. And no intention to offend you but, seriously I had to chuckle a little. If you want to stay with him and all of that stuff does not matter to you (strange). Here is the only advice I can think to offer. By the way this would probably be a big surprise to him.... Buy yourself a strap on. I am sure his eyes and other things will light up... lmao. hahahah . . . . . . strap on . Hey good idea ! ! ! But ya, but it sounds like he' s more gay than bi . Link to comment
SadnConfused Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Oh he likes the beans and franks. Cut your losses before it gets worse and you have actually put your heart into this. I think he may be looking for a tranny, He/she. It is just somethin in the brain its all good to each their own but, if you want a man get one. Ok, he seems to like seeing someone elses dork hanging there than your beautiful womans body. CUT YOUR LOSSES. Link to comment
Lexicon85 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Talk with him. Maybe he should see a therapist or you should go to a counselor together. ONLY if you tell him that it is OKAY for him to be gay. I like the strap on idea. And if you're really open minded perhaps you two should invite another man into your bed- it should all become pretty clear after that. A pretty hot way to brake up, if you ask me. Well... maybe that's a bit much but seriously, tell him you're going to be okay with who he is but you WON'T be okay if he's not being honest with himself and letting this go on farther than it has to. Ask him personal questions about what he's attracted to. Perhaps you should watch both gay and straight porn together and watch how he reacts. This is a dangerous situation- emotionally dangerous- should you continue in the relationship without thoroughly investigating this potential problem together. Link to comment
Queen88 Posted July 22, 2005 Author Share Posted July 22, 2005 We have watched gay porn together....and it does not cause a reaction with him when he is with me. At all. Soft as anything. Thats whats so weird. We've made videos of us together (sorry maybe too much info) and those get him hard in a matter of seconds. However, when he is alone and bored and has nothing to do...he wanders to his gay porn. The other thing i forgot to add in the first comment was, the not being completely hard during sex, might have been due to (and honeslty probably was this time) to pressure. Other times....he's been hard but its hurt me too much. Link to comment
SadnConfused Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 No therapist. They are not even 20 years old!! I am telling you unless two guys together turns you on also, do not keep going with this it is a waste of time. If he can convince you ther eis no more gay porn, keep his dork hard and move on with things then ok. otherwise GETOUTTATHERE. If any other guy catches wind you have dated someone bi. It will put a damper on your future social life. Link to comment
Lexicon85 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Okay, fine, good point- no therapist together, but the confused kid might consider one for himself. Some posts make it sound as if he's pretty straight, others make it sound gay. This is a confusing one! HOWEVER, the idea that it sound damper someone's social life is utterly bizarre to me. Why would it do that? What kind of terrible guy do you think she'd date (or be spared) next? Link to comment
SadnConfused Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 His "best friend" = boyfriend in young confused persons mind. Um, lets see, If I am bored with nothing else to do I like to see some nice girls booty. Nice hairless skin... Dont get me started. Womens bodys are nothing like a mans body. A completely strait person can see this. Stop fooling yourself. it is just weird. Ok you go down the road, have kids with this guy. All of the sudden he decides he has not had enough dork stuck in his bung... I am being blunt get real.... Sorry. Link to comment
Lexicon85 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 I understand that he's probably gay and that's nothing to be getting involved with (though bi people do exist, and it sounds like he's pretty horny for her). I wasn't confused about that... I was just asking why it would damper her future social life. Why "get real'? Link to comment
Queen88 Posted July 22, 2005 Author Share Posted July 22, 2005 I dont understand the ruining my social life either..... I'm not trying to sound like an insecure and attached person when i say this.....i just wonder if maybe his "relations" with his friends when he was a teenger could be chalked up to raging hormones? Experimenting? I know experimenting with your friends isnt as widely accepted for guys as it is for girls....but could that be part of what is going on with him. My heart has already been put into this relationship...so its not like I can just up and leave and not feel any loss. He chased me for 2 and half years before I finally gave in and went on a date with him. He "dated" one girl before me. Not for long because he said they were too different. He did have his past with his friends....and he does like gay porn.....but he still gets hard to me....more often than not. Its just those times that he doesnt get hard that worry me. Link to comment
Queen88 Posted July 22, 2005 Author Share Posted July 22, 2005 oh and to your comment about "up the bung" he gets utterly turned off by guys having sex. He enjoys watching the oral sex in gay porn and kissing. Link to comment
Lexicon85 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Queen, it's just hard to say. It sounds like your sex life is pretty good. I think the main thing is to make sure he's being honest, and the first thing you can do to make sure that's happening is to make sure he feels it's absolutely okay for him to be honest. Bi people exist. Straight people with gay fantasies exist. Also, straight boys sometimes don't get hard. Do you know that the reason he's not getting hard is gay porn? Ask him if he ever fantasizes about men while he's with you. If the answer is yes, you had better leave. Does he get excited about straight porn with you? Does he ever get bored and look at straight porn or is it ALWAYS gay porn? Have you ever asked him what excites him about the gay porn? I am a straight woman, and I have looked at straight porn, gay porn and lesbian porn. I find the human body beautiful. At one point I wondered if I was a lesbian (i think such is natural when you are young and honest) but now am very secure in that I am absolutely not (men are just way, way, way too hot... and I could never get that close to a girl's... ahem... eek). Is this similar to how he feels? Link to comment
SadnConfused Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Ok I will explain. If you two ever did not work out and another guy you JUST started dating got wind you were involved with a guy who was smokin pole you would have some issues. That is all I am saying from a male point of view. hence "social life" Lets not turn this around on me... She is dating a guy who likes gay porn. Flat out not good. Catch my drift? What comes out next? comes out... lmao Link to comment
Lexicon85 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 oh and to your comment about "up the bung" he gets utterly turned off by guys having sex. He enjoys watching the oral sex in gay porn and kissing. I've read that many straight men fantasize about gay oral sex. I'm really not sure why... or what it indicates... I guess it's just that your friend has acted on these fantasies, which does indicate... er... very possible gayness. This may be prying, but I'm curious and I think it might actually make a difference, though I'm not sure. Has he told you why this is sexy? Does he want to give or receive, or is that just too much info? Is your boyfriend very masculine or feminine? Link to comment
lisica Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 It is not strange that he finishes more quickly and easily when he is by himself, not under any pressure, enjoying some porn, compared to when he is with you. I have no statistics to prove this, but it even sounds very normal to me. Does he sometimes uses other porn/fantasies as well, or is it only gay oriented material that turns him on? Link to comment
SadnConfused Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 I am thinking my final reply might be... You said he chased me for like 2 1/2 years before you dated... During that whole time his boyfriend and he were smokin pole. You cant see that in a strangely odd way hie is cheating on you and using the sexual revalation to justify it. Good luck with that... Link to comment
Queen88 Posted July 22, 2005 Author Share Posted July 22, 2005 He has looked at straight porn before. NOT often though. But he HAS. He told me that he just likes seeing the guys faces getting pleasure and the moans. He said he never has fantasized about men when he is with me. Ever. He said that there are things about the male body that are attractive (like the rock soldness of it) and he likes the gentle delicate beautiful nature of a womans body. Its been two years since he did something with a guy. He is more masculine but likes his fashion. Thats the only thing. Link to comment
Lexicon85 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 I am thinking my final reply might be... You said he chased me for like 2 1/2 years before you dated... During that whole time his boyfriend and he were smokin pole. You cant see that in a strangely odd way hie is cheating on you and using the sexual revalation to justify it. Good luck with that... Uh... if they weren't together it's not cheating. Link to comment
SadnConfused Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 So are you the queen in the relationship or is he? hard to see the pleasure in a mans face when you are going down on him yourself..... Makes me want to gag... literally. You kiss a mans mouth that has had another penis in it. A MANS mouth. Link to comment
SadnConfused Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 So lexicon... Your ex boyfriend goes out and gets it on with every girl in town and the next. OH yeah it is not cheating but would you get back with him? By the way it is not even girls he was getting it on with....follow me what I am sayin... Link to comment
Queen88 Posted July 22, 2005 Author Share Posted July 22, 2005 I gurantee that you've probably kissed a girls mouth thats kissed another girl and been down on a girl probably. And FYI the time he was chasing after me he did not do anything with a guy, for the majority of the time at least. Link to comment
Queen88 Posted July 22, 2005 Author Share Posted July 22, 2005 the thing is...I didnt know him when he was doing things with guys. Link to comment
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