You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

[MayJane]

Hey Dave, Me again! You will be so sick of me soon! In the above you mention about things that backfire etc, my ex still has to collect the rest of his things but before the break up he was very home sick so I went online and bought a really old postcard of his home town (he collects really old postcards) anyway it was to cheer him up and we were due to visit his mum just before the split and was going to go with him to find the street on the postcard. Anyway the post card arrived in the mess of the split so I never gave him it so I have just stuck it with all his things with a note saying I got him it when he was homesick and that it arrived in the post in the mess of things and just said he may as well have it. Do you think I should remove the note or just leave it with the postcard or is this just going to annoy him?

 

I want him to have the post card and its no use to me but unsure on the note? But if I didnt include the note and just gave him it he would wonder what it is?

[LeeRoy6071]

Bumping this thread up for the holidays.

[Zain]

This is for Superdave, my ex left me last week to go back to her child's father (for sake of child) but she tells me she wants to be friends (rather than nothing), wishes she met me a long time ago so things wouldn't be so complicated and tells me that it's me she truly wants to be with ; along with how much she really loves and misses me and her heart will always be with me etc. From what she says, it seems like shes forced to live a lie so her child can live a normal life. She constantly text messages me these types of things and I been responding immediately since today. I really love this girl and truly wanna get her back and be with her but I'm gonna have to start NC to heal from the split.

 

My question is, since shes constantly texting me these things, would NC be detrimental toward my efforts of getting her back as a lover? She texts me that she thinks I'm trying to forget/delete her or that I'm over her and with someone else. Should I even go NC? It's not like I'm doing NC to get her to talk to me cause she is always sending me text messages and trying to communicate. What should I do?](*,) I want her back

[Zain]

Someone help

[GotMyLifeBack]

There is no magical approach to guarantee the result you want. Here's one suggestion. Since she left you to be with someone else (her stated motivation doesn't matter), you probably should step back, tell her you are granting her the space she seems to need (by virture of her being with another man), and tell her you don't want her to contact you unless she is free to be in a relationship with you.

[Zain]

I don't know anymore. it just seems like i'm screwing up any chance I have with getting back with her in the future with this NC thing. Anymore input?

[MayJane]

I don't know anymore. it just seems like i'm screwing up any chance I have with getting back with her in the future with this NC thing. Anymore input?

 

You think it is screwing it up but it's not. She's chosen to be with someone else regardless of what she texts you by you disappearing and doing NC you are no longer there while you are there she knows you are on standby. If she wanted to be with you she would be regardless of the baby.

 

By not been there she may start to miss you and realise shes made the wrong decision. Maybe just send her a text saying while she is with somebody else you can't really be in contact with her and you need space then leave & disappear.

[gez2705]

Have just found this sight and it looks like it could help me have been reading superdaves advice and it all good solid advice.

 

Me and my girlfriend split after eight months, seven weeks ago, we had no arguments or rows at the time of the split But I was going through a very stressful and busy time ay work and I became distant from her.

At the time of the break up I first tried to distance myself from her and not make contact however we did chat occasionally, but I did not bombard her with txts or constantly phone her as she need space ,and the only reason she gave me was that she had a gut feeling that the relationship would not work.

Again I gave her the space she need and it was her who emailed me in the fourth week of the break up a day before I was due to go on holiday telling me to have a good time I just replied with a thank you .

when I got back from holiday she txt me again asking how the holiday had been after this txt we kept in contact for the next week txt each other every day and chatting . I felt good and asked her out for a drink and she jumped at the chance.

When we met all the attraction was there flirting ,touching each other stroking and kissing all the things we used to day, in fact having a real good time and laugh.

This lasted for about an hour and half and I asked if we where alright and then she landed the bombshell that she still had this gut feeling that the relationship would not work and she wanted to leave it still !!!!!

Told her to go but she would not leave me in the bar alone she made me walk out to her car with her and even asked for a good bye kiss, the first break up was bad but the second one was even worse that was over a week ago and we have not contacted each other.

Can anyone please give me any advice on what to do

[friendlyguy]

Hi all, my ex broke up with me after a 16y relationship, we have 4 children.

 

I didn't see it coming at all. Nothing major happened. She just felt i didn't pull my weight the last 2 years. Looking back i can't blame her.

But she never adressed it.

My first reaction was there had to be someone else. You do not break up like that, i mean no warning, no nothing.

In fact a week before we broke up she said she wanted to grow old with me.

6 months earlier my sister broke up and her actual words were "we will never do this will we, please never leave me".

And now she breaks up just like that. I asked to see marriage counceling but she wouldn't dream of it. she doesn't love me anymore ,i've been lying to myself for the last 2 years is what she says.

She moved out imidiatly with a friend and found an apartment a week ago.

It's been 25 day's now and i feel like im loosing my mind.

i don't understand how you can throw away a marriage like that, we actualy had a gr8 marriage the previous 14 years.

btw there is noone else.

i would love to try and not contact her. but can't because of the kids.

Any advice?

 

Thx for your time and sry for my poor English

[aftershock879]

What if u work with them and see them every day?!?

[jonesyjakk]

hey friendlyguy, that sounds so much like my situation, i was with my ex for 8 years and have a kid, she just said one day I don't love you anymore, got a new place, new start, that was 2 months ago. It's gut wrenching my friend, I can't even imagine how hard this is for you. I know how I feel having one child and we were engaged not married so I do really feel for you. I can't really tell you what to do to be honest except give her the space she needs and the time, be there as a father and be the best you can be, all I can really say is there are so many people that would be here for you.

 

Make an individual thread on the main page so many more people can read about what you are going through and they will help you every way they can. I'm sorry I can't be more help my friend but this sounds so close to home for me it hurts just to write about it. There are many good people here, you are in the right place.

 

I wish you all the luck and all the best with getting things sorted out.

[Aquarius71]

You know, what I'm about to say will make you laugh, but last week I saw "Ice age 3" and there was Scrat falling in love with Scratte, leaving his acorn alone. What follows are various scenes of Scrat with Scratte doing all the things lovers do, while the acorn stand alone, watching them from afar. What happens? in the end Scrat goes back to the acorn. As I watched this movie I thought it was a weird coincidence that I was to see it while going through this horrible period (I was dumped by my boyfriend for another girl, I got the usual: I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore, I met a new person). I will stay NC, just like the famous acorn, and see what will happen. Meanwhile, I'll go out and date other boys. If in the next months he'll suddenly realize he wants to stay with me, he'll come to me, no matter what. It could take the whole year, since there's another person, his new girl, involved. They have to go through the honeymoon period, then (if it is a rebound relationship, and I say IF) he'll have to deal with the feelings following the break up (he leaving her=guilt and shame; she leaving him=pain), then he'll have to deal with the slow recovery and then, maybe (it's a big maybe) he'll start to think about me in a romantic way again, and he'll start thinking about getting back with me. I don't know, I think I won't care anymore at that point, and that's too bad. Yes, it's just too bad.

[missfedup]

hi everyone,

i'm new here and i need some advice..

 

Do u think this no contact thing works when the 2 people haven't been together long?

I was seeing a guy for about 3 months, long distance so didn't see each other very much really.

We hadn't got to the stage where we were saying i love you or anything but i fell for him and had feelings for him already.

 

Just last week we had a bit of a run in cos we were supposed to be meeting up but he couldn't make it but didn't contact me to let me know.. just nothing at all. So i emailed him to say i was disappointed he hadn't even bothered to call me and he emailed me back to say ..... that he really liked me but that he just had too much on at the moment with work and that he can't handle a relationship right now.

I was and still am really upset cos i thought it was working out ok....

I sent him an email back saying i wish he had let me know that he wasn't ready for a relationship from the start and that i had started to develop feelings for him. I added that it hurts. And also that i hope down the line a bit we can remain friends cos i like him alot.

i got no reply and that's it since 6 days ago.

I have not contacted him since.

He did say it doesnt mean he never wants to see me again, and hopes we can still get together ( whatever that means)

 

Also he recently got divorced 6 months ago and he has a son who is 17.

 

any advice would be appreciated since i really like this man but i don't know what to do now.

He lives in the US east coast and i live in London but i travel there at least 5 times a month for my work.

 

thanks everyone

[Moonchill]

Wow missfedup, your story sounds very very familiar!

I was in a relationship only a couple of months also long distance.

But I can tell from your story this is suppose to be a mature man.

So when you hold him responsible for his actions and he doesn't reply .. that just doesn't sound very mature to me..

Good luck with that!

[missfedup]

thanks for your reply...

yeah i know , not very mature right?

 

I haven't heard anything from him for a week now since i sent him the email and i'm not contacting him.

 

I've been doing alot of thinking and i figure if someone wants someone then they will move heaven and earth to get them. If they don't then they don't want that person enough.

 

Who wants to be with a person that doesn't want to be with them 100 per cent and reciprocate 100 per cent the same feelings ?

Who wants a relationship that is one sided and only one of you putting in the effort?

 

So, i am not contacting this man ever again.. it's up to him.

 

And if he does, he will have alot of making up to do.

 

What's your story moonchill?

 

I'm sorry, i haven't read all the threads .....

 

take care ...

 

We all deserve the very best and if these men are not giving it then they are not worth bothering with anyway.

[Samatha]

Hi everyone.. could really need your adivce..

 

I already posted my story out there... trying to be short in my total 6 years story:

-I'm 25 he's 35

-he already left me once saying he didn't loved me, better out without me, blabla, we had though contact and after a year he came back... changed country for me and we were happy.. until a few months ago, I had a bad time, stressing, nagging, moody, sad, irritating... and he felt he couldn't handle me anymore, even said 'he now knows how I really am (-.- after so many years)', and again the words he already said once : we only hurt eachother, find yourself another guy blabla.. difference: this time he is doing NC. he really doesn't wants to know anything about me.

-in these months, he never searched for me, just answered back when I wrote or when late mails arrived to him, and each time he answered, in the beginning he was polite, then he become more and more bitter and almost aggressive.. time did nothing but to grow those ugly emotions of him.

-probably he already has another one.. I stalked in the beginning and he was a lot out, and he's someone who finds without problems new women so and doesn't love to be alone... so...

-also I got to know, he told all my friend I presented to him, that they wouldn't probabily see him again since he broke up with me. He even told his parents, family etc they wouldn't neither see ME again since it's definitive...

he's still got a few weeks to decide wether to stay here or go away (other city, other country..). He didn't come up with exchanging our stuff yet, he mostly said it hurt him to see me since he's remembered of 'the bad things' I did to him. That would mean, the only thing that would create a point to see us a last time, is that of giving us the stuff (if he gives it personally), since he said, that the only contact he wanted to have, was that to give me my things and then it would be over.

 

I'm really losing all hope, really thinking it's over for sure.. I'm doing without problem NC because NOW I really FEAR his reactions.

What I don't understand is, how he can instead of lower down, grow up so much hatred and bitterness towards me.. time should calm him down, instead it's only growing, I really don't get it!

(I shall remember, I never cheated or betrayed or lied or anything, it was just a stressful moment..)...

Also everyone here, sooner or lesser in 3 months each ex has searched for them or called or at least made a first attempt.. mine: NOTHING... it's absurd..

 

any advice, any comments about his 'change' is greatly welcomed.. I'm already giving slowly all my hopes up, on the other hand I'd like to maintain a bit of hope like 'fight for it if you really want it'.. I'd really want it, but how to fight against a wall?

[ConfusedAgain]

My ex and were together for a year, and had known each other about 3 years before dating. There were ups and downs though. He deployed for Afghanistan in April 2010 and came back Nov 2010. He proposed to me over the phone May 2010.

 

I started to not trust him not long after left because of some weird relationship he had had with someone else before me. They met online and never met in person, but lived near each other. He was always bothered she would not meet him. I found out that they had been in contact not long after he left. He said he wanted to know why she never wanted to meet him and with his buddies, got her to send pics of what she really looked like. The version of the story I got, was that she randomly contacted him with pics of herself, not the fake pics she had been using online. I started to be upset with him in September. He finally admitted he had to know why she would never meet him and with peer pressure from guys at work, he kept emailing her for pics. I had a hard time with this. If we are engaged, why would you feel the need to even care about her?

 

So, I still decide to leave the state I’m in and move accross the country to set up our new apartment in Oct. He gets home in Nov, and I just wanted to smack him, I was still mad about what he did. We fought and I left twice and went to my mother's house, and then he moved out of state for his next assignment. We were still together at this point, and talking, figuring out if we were going to work or not. I had not had sex with him since he got back, and I know this was upsetting. But, for me, if I'm upset with you, I will have a hard time being intimate with you. He had lied about a couple of other things, they were minor, but I was trying to trust him again…and having a hard time with that as well. Part of me wanted him to leave me alone and another part wanted to try to work out with him. I was afraid because he has some drama and can at times create more. He has two little girls and is always wanting revenge on his ex-wife and ex-fiancee that cheated on him. It's a bit exhausting at times. I understand where he is coming from, but things just need to be let go of after a certain amount of time.

 

So, he went on a date and didn’t tell me until the next day and told me he was only waiting until I had some medical tests come back to tell me he didn’t want me anymore. I had heard this before from him and I hadn’t been making it easy on him because I was still not in the same state with him. He didn’t want to date this particular woman, but wanted to see if he could move on. Normally for him, he will not keep in contact or stay friends with an ex, the exception is the ex-wife due to their kids. But, he said he broke another rule for me, and wanted me to still be in his life.

 

I had asked if he thought we would possibly be together again and he said maybe. We didn’t talk much more about it and I didn’t want to push the subject.

 

So, the next week, he goes on a date with someone else. (At least this is what he said - again not sure if he was telling the truth because both these women live far from him, could be the same one). And tells me that she was nice and has a child as well. Then the next night, he has a formal dinner to go to. I don’t hear from him at all until the next day. He told me he took this woman he just met and he had sex with her, but she was very aggressive and had some outlandish sexual fantasies and that she scared him.

 

The next day, I brought up the subject of us being together again and he said, what if you come out here tomorrow and be with me and not be mad that I slept with her? I still have strong feelings for you and I miss you very very much. I said I that was big and I asked my question because I figured for the moment he was doing his thing and needed time. We didn’t get to talk more about this.

 

Fast forward to Saturday morning, I get a text message saying him and this woman are now dating seriously. It’s barely been two weeks for us to be split and he has not even know this woman a week. I’m thinking it’s primarily a rebound relationship and he is there because she is only about 1-2 hours from him and will have sex with him.

 

Then I hear nothing else from him until last night. He texts me for a pic. I ask why. The response is “My girlfriend wants to know what you look like.”. I cannot believe he could be that stupid, cruel and hurtful. Nor can I believe that I still want to be with him. I texted him back and I’ll pass on the pic. Then a few minutes later I texted him that what she wants is not my concern. I have made no effort to contact him, nor has he contacted me. We talked every single day before all of this, multiple times usually through text during the day and by phone at night. We also play and online game together - so we would talk there as well. (I can tell he is with her, because he doesn't log onto the game now). Nor has he been on Facebook to even update anything. (Yes, I know, I should not even look).

 

Now I am sitting here alone, depressed and upset. I wanted to work things out with him, but feel like I’ve been slapped in the face. I know I did my share of wrongs in the relationship, I didn't shower him with the attention he needed post-deployment, but I was so angry with him, nor had we lived together, I guess we spent a huge amount of time in the relationship apart from each other.

 

I know it may not be best, but I do still love him and want a chance to try this one last time with him, but how is that possible if he is with someone else so soon? I'm really scared right now, because he told me he loved me within a week of dating...And I'm guessing he has said this to her as well. If he still has strong feelings for me, I'm wondering if he buried them for now? I wanted to send him a text about some of these things, but I keep stopping myself from doing it. He did respond to one I had sent not long after he said he wanted to move on, that was when he decided to stay in contact with me. (This was before sleeping with that other woman). And I kind of feel if I don't do something now, I have no chance, but on the other hand he is already with someone :sad:

[Samatha]

You must remember...this is not only our decision....it is the ex's as well. What we need to decide is either wait and do nothing..or feel the person is worth it and then you create a plan. The most difficult part ...is waiting.

 

 

-SuperDave71

 

may I ask what plan can be created??

(if someone ignores you still after 2 months (2 months are a lot, aren't they?) and thinks still bad stuff of you?)

[cosmokohn55]

Thanks SuperDAve71..

YOur posts have really helped me. It gives me hope that I am doing the right thing. I want my boyfriend back more than anything. But I just remind myself that he broke up with me. He knows I love him .. He knows everything,, theres not much more I can tell him. He's got my number .. He knows where I am . If he wants to come back he will. I need to show him that I am a catch. I am giving him all the spaces he needs .. He said he wanted space. I am not talking to him unless he connects me. I hate being a girl .. I wish I could be logical like a man ...

[ats3216]

Hey everyone, this is my first post here, but I've read through some of the other posts here and they have been most helpful/comforting.

 

My ex girlfriend and I recently broke up (in February) and its absolutely heartbreaking for me. We had been together for nearly 4 years and it just seemed like we were so good together. This last September in 2010, she moved to a different state to finish here degree while I remained back at home. We had both agreed on long distance because we truly loved each other and wanted to remain close to one another. Shortly after moving, things slowly changed... We are both fairly religious and pretty conservative, but since moving down there, she has gotten into heavy drinking and partying and smoking weed... It put me in a difficult situation because obviously my number one concern for her is safety, and I was honestly afraid that something would happen to her. I will openly admit that i began to change a bit because she began hanging out with other males alot while doing these things. Yes, I became defensive and yes I started to become jealous. I tried to suppress my feelings because I didnt want to bother her, but it was difficult considering how much she had changed.

 

Well, in February I flew to her school on Valentines day to surprise her and spend a few days with her. I can honestly say it was the worst "vacation" I have ever taken in my life. The first day I arrived she seemed extremely happy to see me and everything seemed fine. I interacted with her and her friends and everything seemed to be cool. The next day, we went for a walk and she began to tell me that she had become unhappy with our relationship. She said that I had changed from the confident funny guy that she fell in with to someone else (which admittedly I did). She broke up with me that day, and it was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. She said she wanted to remain friends, to which I responded "ok".

 

When i returned home, I was a complete mess. I never knew that being heartbroken literally meant that your chest hurt. We talked for a few weeks afterwards and it was difficult, but I managed to keep my composure. I found out from a friend at the school she goes to that he had seen her at a party recently making out with some guy. Upon hearing this, I couldn't stop crying, and a rage consumed me. I punched three consecutive holes in my wall out of sheer frustration (I now take my anger out with weights at the gym).

 

Anyways, recently i have initiated NC with her and it is extremely difficult. It has been about two and a half weeks now and its beginning to get to me. Her spring break is this week and I am honestly scared at what she may do.

 

I know that the way I have described her makes her seem like not the best person in the world, but she is the one person that I love. I've never felt so much emotion towards a single person before and it amazes me that even after all that has happened recently, I am still wild for her. Yes I talk with other women and have a good time myself, but I'm always remiinded of how amazing she is.

 

Fellow posters, SuperDave71, do you have any advice for me or my situation? She returns home for the summer in early May (which will take me to just over a month of NC). I want to rekindle the flame and passion we once shared and feel as though Im taking the right steps in doing so. Please, if anyone has any suggestions whatsoever, I would be overly grateful in hearing what you have to share.

 

Thank you

[OrdnanceSurvey]

I've taken a lot of advise from this site and I can honestly say it's worked! So I thought I should share my story with others to help you all out, as you have all helped me.

 

My ex dumped me about 4 months ago after going out for over 2 years. Basically because having a realtionship over Uni was too much of a strain and we both ended up missing out on things and pretty much not making the most of our time there. Lot of that was my fault, and there were a lot of things about me which she didnt like but long story short we broke up. Anyway, I spent a long time before we broke up trying to convince her not to, crying, pleading blah blah blah and all that embarassing * * * * !

 

I took the break up pretty hard for about a week, didnt really talk to anyone, got pretty damn depressed, stopped going to lectures etc... was pretty much a bit of a loser! Anyway, I wanted to talk to her but found this site and heard about NC and thought I might as well give it a try.

 

And then something clicked inside me. I don't know what it was but I just thought - No. No, your not allowed to make me feel like this. I'm the better person, I'm the one who can hold my head high, I'm deserve better than this. All of a sudden I thought that if I ever stood a chance of getting her back it, it wasnt going to happen with me moping around like a lemon!

 

So I turned my * * * * around. I started going to the gym, got in really really really good shape, the fittest I've ever been in my life. I ate healthly, I went out with my friends much much much more, started enjoying getting with other girls, partied hard and worked hard. All the while I was doing NC, she sent me fb messages and rang be a whole bunch of times but I was so into the zone now, so enjoying doing things for myself that I wanted that I didnt care. I ignored her, and it felt good.

 

So I keep that up for 3 months and by now Im looking (not to be big headed! lol) pretty bloody hot - I've lost weight, got a 6-pack now and a massive upper body. I've started doing triathlons, my skin is clear from my diet, I'm getting a 1st in all m work and I'm a super happy person. So, Easter vaction comes and I have 6 weeks off of Uni back home, which defo. brings back memories of us. I presume it did the same for her because she got in contact with me again, even after I totally ignored her for 3 months.

 

So being in a much better mood now, and not really caring about her anymore, I thought I might as well talk to her and be nice. We chat via text and starts making up crazy reasons to come over to my house to pick up a comb and other random stuff. I ask her about it and she says shes just finding an excuse to see me. She then asks if I wanted to catch up. I wasnt too sure at first and put her off for like 3 weeks, because I didnt want to start liking her again.

 

In the end we see each other at a party of a mutual friend. Things are pretty awkard, and its extremely weird to see her again, but once we both have a few drinks we're able to say a few words to each other. After the party I thought I might as well meet up with her for drinks, so I do. We end up doing a sort of pup crawl, hanging out for like 6 hours or something, just chatting. Things certainly went better than I expected, and we catch up well. I let her know how much of a better person I have become, talking about my health, my grades, my friends and all that jazz. She's pretty impressed (certainly by my abs! haha), and I'm spurred on to know that she didnt cope well when we broke up - she ended up putting on weight and almost dropped out of uni! This made me laugh. Hahahahaha, Im laughing too now.

 

Anyway, another part comes around and we both go again. Its really nice to hang out with all our mutual friends and things are relaxed between us. We have another long chat afterwards, for about 1hr or something, and finish the night with a cheeky kiss goodbye. We seem to be getting along extremely well, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up just in case im reading the situation wrong.

 

A few days later she invites me over to her house to pick up some stuff for my family, and says I can stay for lunch if I like. So I go over and we have lunch at her house. We're getting on pretty damn well at this stage, we're very playful and are just having fun together. We end up lying in the hammock in the sun listening to her ipod, obviously we're getting pretty close and I end up holding her in my arms. We eventually kiss, not too sure how it happened but it happened quite a few times, and we ended up making out for quite a while. Well, considering this was when we were both completely sober I was pretty pleased with the result.

 

At the moment things are going well, we're getting on really well and just keeping things casual at the moment, but what I can only guess is that shes starting to have feelings for me again. Sweet!

 

So tips and things I've learnt from all this :

 

- To get them back you have to force yourself to stop caring

- NC works, ignore for as long as you like, dont be afraid of what they'll think

- Take time for yourself, work out, go to the gym, eat well, dress well

- Hang out with your friends more, you'll appreciate being around them at this difficult time

- STAY AWAY FROM FACEBOOK! Delete their posts from the live feed and ban yourself from their profile!

- Do things that you always wanted to do but couldnt

- Get crunk and party party party, makes you feel awesome

- Hook up with other women/men, defo. helps getting over them.

- Dont try to contact them, let them come to you. Don't go crawling back instantly, make them work for

- Keep things casual, dont create drama out of nothing, play it cool and your on your way there

- Remember how you were before you were together. Become that person again - thats what he/she liked in the first place.

 

This has worked for me, wont work for everyone, most probably not the people who did the dumping, but everyones different. Most important thing I learnt was that the second you stop caring about them and start caring about yourself is the second they'll come back.

[stevieb977]

This site has really helped me understand my situation. I only wish I had found it when my ex dumped me, I think I would have been alot further down the road of not caring about her and focusing on me instead.

[Dodo85]

Please help me what can i do? What does she want? Please help me to analyze these e-mails. Sorry the long thread. Thanks in advance!:

 

I don't know right now if we r in a relationship or just friends or even nothing. But i feel necessary to send u this mail. About the hurt feeling i gave u, i'm sorry about it. I know u have a lot of questions u would like to ask, dont bother to ask ur friends for advice, i will answer all of them by myself.

U would like to know after u've been trying so hard to be a better man for me, why i still hurt u. The answer is easy. Broken heart is hard to be mended. As long as i talk about the past, u stopped me. Past has been passed, which is true, but the hurt feeling will never be gone. U said u gonna be a better man, but i'm not sure if u will be the man i want. I mean just for an example, i hate people smoking or drinking, until now u r still doing it. Before i was totally the loser in front of u, who can be down on my knees and beg but u still ignore. U know how many mistakes u made and how badly u hurt me. Firstly ur ex, u have no courage to tell her to get out of ur life. U d rather see me getting hurt than talk to her to stop bothering u, which i can hardly accept. Later ur lifestyle totally upset me. U smoke drink hang out,sometimes lie to me, ignore my dignity. Then u broke ur promise. So i really dont think i can forgive everything. Now u r too far away and u ask me to wait, dont u think u should give me some guarantee? U even have no idea when can u be back, why should i always trust u? U promised me to quit smoking, u promised me not to hang out, until the time u left China, did u achieve any of them? Dont say 2 years is too shout for u to make a change. In love, i dont need a boy to change for me, he just needs to fit me, love is about love the person who he is, the good side and the shortcomings too. I see u r not the right type for me, the way of doing things and the way of thinking, so i dont need u to change for me anymore, u should find someone who loves u, loves ur lifestyle and ur habits. Maybe im not the one. Another reason is, seems my family can hardly accept u as a foreigner. My life my job and my everything will be here in China, it's hard for me to live in a totally different country even for 1 month. It's true that i've never tried, but this is me,i know myself really well, and this is why i quit my plan for studying aboard. U ask me to look on the bright side, tell me what bright side do i have to look? The vague future u promise me? Or the better man in the future? I believe the things i see with my eyes. The things i even cant see, i cant tell it's true.

U would like to know why i took off my rings. The truth is i took a shower and was preparing for going out, i was in a hurry so just forgot the ring beside the mirror. That day u saw me wearing it, i was wearing all the time even when i felt sad about this relationship.

U would like to know whom did i go to the zoo with. i was with the brother i will never have in my life, who can share everything with me. He is the one who really cares about me, from Anderson, to my high-school gossips,to u, everything he knows. I never think about being his gf and he never thinks of being my bf. The friendship is pure and real.

U would like to know why i stop contacting u. In deed, my life needs more personal space. My school here is busy and i always wanna be the top, so im working hard. At least i remember to send u ecards, u said they r just a thank-u for urs, dont u think it's too harsh? the May Day card i chose an ecard with the honey bee, both of us know i spent time and heart on choosing it. U still blame me that i dont contact. By contact u mean daily several phone call bombs? Sorry i cant do it. Before i did, u said u feel tired that i called u so many times a day so i stopped. If u never complain why i dont contact u, maybe we still can go some way, now i think to be friends is better. But if u can come back one day and really be the nice man im looking for, i'm willing to restart with u. Now let's just give each other a break.

I know u can never forget all of ur former girlfriends, unluckily i may be one of them someday. But u will be in my heart forever too. All the good things in u, ur kind heart, ur nice offer, and our old days, i do miss everything. I wanted to end this relationship for many times already, but i didnt have courage. I think u understand how much u mean to me. Though sad moments we had, u did bring me sweet moments that i can hardly forget. once i was really hoping u would marry me, giving me the happiest life in the world, i was really hoping. Now all i want u is to work harder and be smarter. Find a life best for u. When we both grow up, no matter how we r, u r married or not, i look forward to meeting u again...

 

The second e-mail she sent me, just difference minutes:

 

i do miss the old days, i do miss it so much... Plz forever save a place for me in ur heart. I really want u to be good and realize all ur dreams...

 

And the e-mail i'd like to send her:

 

First of all, what i'll write here hopefully u won't misunderstand anything and all the sentences r coming from my heart and just wanted u to know more and understand more that how i am and don't wanna make argument with u, there's no need to make argument again i think, while i'm just trying to be better and it's up to u that u accept it or not. Secondly, seem u finished the relationship with me already so i think i don't need to comment about this now even i really want but as u said u need space and i'm giving u as much as possible and because i don't want u to think too much, i'm respecting u that u wanna work hard, be the top in the class so i'll step back. But never say that i blamed u because u didn't contact me, u can even just text me just one time a day, like saying good morning or whatever, i don't think i asked too much but if u think it is then i have nothing to say but as i said i seriously would like to step back so that u can have more time to think about ur life, about ur future, about everything, won't disturb u. U said broken heart is hard to mended, then the first time when u broke my heart it wasn't difficult for me to mended? Especially if u cheated me but u can see i could forgave u because i love u more than anything in this world. During the time when i was with u, i never ever cheated u, never think of anything to do any thing like that to make u hurt, make u jealous, make u sad. All i'm trying to do is to make u happy, make u satisfy, make u proud. I know from my heart very well that i did a lot of mistakes before and all i asked from u is if u still have that heart then forgive me, i truly regret them. U don't know how bad i feel about it. And i think u shouldn't be upset with me because i asked u for help because i was a foreigner, i was in foreign country, been living there for more than 5 years but still had some difficulties with the language and u r there more than 21 years so it's a huge different. I didn't mean that u never helped, u did a lot of times and i'm really so thankful for that, this is one of the reason that i still love u. U said one time that love, love deeply, forget, forget thoroughly. I remember all of ur sentences u told me before, i put them into my heart. Maybe i didn't show it off but my heart always pay attention to u and listening to u. I just don't know why u can't see the good side of mine like when i asked for advice from my friends.... U can't see i'm asking because i really would like to make this relationship better, would like to do something to make u happier? Or just thinking my bad side all the time? U don't think what i've done to u? Actually i don't really need u to think what i've done to u because what i did it was coming from my heart all the time and because i love u so i don't need u to see that because it can be like a gift or surprise to u. I've never ask anything from u and won't ask u in the future, i mean if i like something then i don't need u to buy it or do it for me. All i just want to hear from u just like before so that i know u're fine. U don't know how much i do worry about u, thinking of u, thinking how to do something, how to say something that can make u happy, feeling great, feeling better so like when u're exhausted, feeling tired because of having so many classes. I never ever felt tired when u called me a lot of times before, in my heart was really happy all the time. Probably u don't believe it but u should know one thing that if i say something all about emotion, all about love r coming from my heart deeply. I never liked to play with the emotion, with love. Do u know why i stopped u talking about the past? Not because i'm afraid of them because if we truly love each other then we'll try to be better, think about present, about future, make it better, we did mistake but we'll learn from it and if we see the mistakes that we did and admit it then it's really good but we can't always rely on the past forever. Everybody's learning, everyday. If we always think about the past then we can't make any progress, we can't think clearly about the future. About smoking, drinking let me tell u the truth i don't smoke that much like before, even drinking, maximum i drink one or two bottles only but not everyday, only when there's a celebration or something like this, not like drinking crazily like before, i've stopped for a while already. And the promised that i gave u i'll do it, u asked me that to give all this things up before getting married and we have talked about this that time, i'll give all up at least half a year before it or 1 year even. Tell me when did i think that u were looser? I've never think of that, never ignored u. I just needed times to think all the things over, make myself calm down because i didn't want to make more arguments, i mean go more deeply because it would just hurt us. Please think that i went out because i didn't want to hurt u, just wanted to make myself calm down and come back with the clear mind to show u more care, to show my love to u, to take care of u, to encourage u so that u can do something successfully. U know if my mind is still not clear then how can i say something that to make u happy? How can i do something that so u can do something very well? People with unclear mind can't do anything, remember this. When i came back and when i said i just can't leave u, i mean it from my heart because i knew that if i say something like this u'll feel better, make u happier so that u can continue to do ur things better, all the things i've said always came from my heart. When i said i just can't leave u i mean it, i seriously can't leave u, never wanted to leave u, meaning exactly that u're in my heart and would like to give u what i can so that u don't have to worry about so many things and i'll always be beside u, always stand by ur side. Have u ever think that when i wanted to be with u but u pushed me away? There were sometimes like that but i've never think of this because i respect u, i can understand u wanna do something, u wanna be urself a little. No matter what mistakes u've done to me i'll forgive and forget because i just love u so much that can't leave u out there maybe sometimes i remember them but never ever will say it out because it would just hurt u or making u feel sad but i forgot them totally already. I was always ready to surrender something so that u can feel better. U mentioned that i didn't have courage to talk to my ex girlfriend to get out of my life then let me tell u i've done it before, just needed times to make everything clear so that later won't be a problem for us. I'm not like a machine that can change something right away, to make something better need times, need patience. What did i lie to u? Like i went to a place but i went to another place? It wasn't lie really, i just didn't tell u because i didn't want u to worry about me so much. Do u know what is real lie? Like when i tell u i go out with my friends but no, i go out with a girl, dating her or whatever. U always knew that whom i was with, always knew that where i went to, never hide anything from u, if i didn't say it then it doesn't mean i lied to u. Don't u think that if the people who's successful around me, giving me some way to be better then i can't do it? I can't be better? It's up to u that which bride sight u wanna look, u can look what i did, how i can be, why i'm saying all these, how much i'm trying hard to be able to give u something what u want in the future. And do u think that i really tell u to wait for me because i want u to waste time on me? If i don't want this relationship anymore then i can end it, if i don't value this relationship then i won't bother to tell u all these, won't put any effort into it. If i don't want this relationship why should i bother talking to u? Why should i explain all these things to u? Because i truly want u, i truly love u, i truly would like to share my life with u, i truly believe that we can work this out but we need to have faith, patience. About being together, i mean in ur family eyes that they hardly accept me it always gonna be ur decision whom u'll be with as long as they can see u're happy. All the family in this world want the best for their child but when it's coming to marriage and when they see u have something in ur hand then they won't say it anymore because they can see u can make the right decision, u can stand on ur own foot. Yeah, everything will be there for u but when u take off ur holiday time then u could come see the new world, see new people so that u'll get more experience. When u learn something, when u see something it always gonna be urs, always gonna be good for u, always gonna be ur advantage. Think like this there's one person who never experienced anything before but u did then u'll be better than that person, it'll be benefit for u, for ur future, u'll understand more. U don't need to tell me what u did or whom u went out with because as long as it can make u happy then do it. Sorry but u're wrong about when u said i'm just feeling thanks to u when u sent me those e-cards. I felt really happy about them, i felt u did with ur heart. If it doesn't mean anything to me then why should i reply? Why should i send u as well? Because they mean a lot to me when u're doing such kind of this things. What u asked me is contact everyday and i tried my best to do it, even not because u asked me because i'd like to let u know that i'm here, i'm here still to take care of u even if u're far away from me, just as i said because i wanted to know u're fine, everything is ok with u. Really sorry if i wanted to take care of u but u didn't want, maybe it was too much for u. I should blame myself that i did this? I never think in my mind that to disturb u, not giving u space or anything like this. Anyway i don't want u to contact me if u don't want, i've stepped back already, giving what u want. Hoping everything will go well with u and u can get what u want. To be friends with u, i'm sorry i can't do it because it would just make me suffer when i'm in love with u. Why do u still want me to save space in my heart for u forever when u end the relationship with me? Anyway i'll think about it. Right now just continue do ur things. When u're ready u can talk to me again. And the last thing probably u're right that i can't forget about my former girlfriends then why r u still talking to me? U didn't even forgive me and forget then please don't come to me even i want so much but the things won't work out like this. U don't trust me, u don't believe me then i think there's not necessary for me to talk to u because no matter how many times i'll say something u won't believe it. Anyway i still do love u so much, i don't know about u but i don't need ur answer if u don't wanna do it right now. Wish u good luck in school!

[italiannmf24]

Fantastic post SD. Your posts are inspiring to me and really get me through that dark tunnel sometimes.

[jjrocks]

save all the cute things you do and want to give her for when things picking up steem