You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

[forinstance872]

just a question dave ... my last contact was a smart , sarcastic , bitter , blaming her text .. regret that now .. shuold i send a more "pleasant " one now after nc has been iniitiated .. tho i know she does not want to hear from me

[MayJane]

I am on my 12th day maybe of NC but Im finding it so hard I wake up ill think about him every minute, I feel he has gone and done the grass is greener thing but its so hard sitting back while they are with someone. I suppose I feel the NC isnt helping me or feels like it isnt?

 

I know that my ex must be thinking about me as you don't just walk away from a 14 month relationship so easy well knowing him I know he will be thinking about me but feel the mess he got himself into just escalated to a bigger mess. But then I think he will be thinking of me but why is he going with this other girl. So confused and finding NC so hard! X

[TJ323]

Hi MayJane, I'm in the same boat as you, except I am struggling with the NC. My ex (went out for 2 years) broke up with me last Monday and ever since, she has contacted me over AIM I think 3 of those days (just super small talk) but since then she hasn't, so I would cave in and message HER with small talk (somehow it comforts me talking to her on AIM but once the convo becomes stale, it hurts even more). It hurts because although she doesn't have another guy (I don't think), it seems like she is over me, acting like nothing ever happened, and talking to me like a stranger. Maybe because it's too soon, but I always wonder if she misses "us" because I sure do (I've been waking up around this time because I can't sleep; 4:50 AM right now).

[MayJane]

Hi MayJane, I'm in the same boat as you, except I am struggling with the NC. My ex (went out for 2 years) broke up with me last Monday and ever since, she has contacted me over AIM I think 3 of those days (just super small talk) but since then she hasn't, so I would cave in and message HER with small talk (somehow it comforts me talking to her on AIM but once the convo becomes stale, it hurts even more). It hurts because although she doesn't have another guy (I don't think), it seems like she is over me, acting like nothing ever happened, and talking to me like a stranger. Maybe because it's too soon, but I always wonder if she misses "us" because I sure do (I've been waking up around this time because I can't sleep; 4:50 AM right now).

 

Maybe just try your hardest to do NC, I really thought what use is this doing me but I read a post today about it all and really there's nothing I can do, my ex knows how I feel and that I wanted to sort things out so what's the point in me mailing him to re tell him that. I want to mail him to tell him he's not really had much respect for me since finishing it but why should I tell him that! He should just know not to do it, he's a kind kind guy or was so everything is disappointing me.

 

I have no idea what's going through his mind nor will ever know and if I just keep trying to go over it and over it its not going to get me anywhere as hard as it all is I really have to give him space even if he does or doesn't know what he wants. Let him learn by his mistakes and if he thinks the grass is greener then there's nothing I can do, I started to think I had done something wrong but I hadn't he just thinks hes done the right thing and only time will tell if he thinks he has.

 

I have to just grin & bare it!

 

Try your hardest to go NC and even if she messages you just ignore it or if you feel you do cave after a few days to her texts say you have been busy. She prob knows you are there still so its easy for her.

 

Hope it helps XXX

[Bobbadoo]

I am on my 12th day maybe of NC but Im finding it so hard I wake up ill think about him every minute, I feel he has gone and done the grass is greener thing but its so hard sitting back while they are with someone. I suppose I feel the NC isnt helping me or feels like it isnt?

 

I know that my ex must be thinking about me as you don't just walk away from a 14 month relationship so easy well knowing him I know he will be thinking about me but feel the mess he got himself into just escalated to a bigger mess. But then I think he will be thinking of me but why is he going with this other girl. So confused and finding NC so hard! X

 

I'm going through the same thing. My ex of 2 years broke up with me because of this GIGs crap. They do think about you but not in the same way anymore. With another person involved its going to take even more time for them to think about you and the past relationship. Thats why disappearing from her life is essential.

[MayJane]

I'm going through the same thing. My ex of 2 years broke up with me because of this GIGs crap. They do think about you but not in the same way anymore. With another person involved its going to take even more time for them to think about you and the past relationship. Thats why disappearing from her life is essential.

 

Just so hard when everything was perfect then to wrong within a week, all the signs / things my ex said when we broke up suggest GIGS but it says theres nothing you can do and you just have to move on. I was about to move in with this guy now nothing.

[Bobbadoo]

Just so hard when everything was perfect then to wrong within a week, all the signs / things my ex said when we broke up suggest GIGS but it says theres nothing you can do and you just have to move on. I was about to move in with this guy now nothing.

 

I know eh. The previous weeks before the breakup, my ex was talking about marriage and she was excited and couldn't wait for me to finish up my studies so we can have a nice life together. Then in a span of 1 week it all fell apart. Don't lose hope though, if your relationship was very good, there is no way they will forget about it and will return. It may take a while thats why use this time to move on with your life, do some soul searching and do something new.

[TJ323]

The last time we spoke on the phone (last Monday when she broke up with me), I panicked and pleaded to not break up. A week has passed and I don't want her to think I'm still being selfish by not respecting her space and decision. I've used that time to really THINK about things and I want to tell her so bad that I understand her decision now but I don't know if she'll appreciate that, or if it'll just annoy her more since she wanted space. And yeah, this past month has been rocky between us but things were generally pretty good so it makes it even that much harder.

[MayJane]

The last time we spoke on the phone (last Monday when she broke up with me), I panicked and pleaded to not break up. A week has passed and I don't want her to think I'm still being selfish by not respecting her space and decision. I've used that time to really THINK about things and I want to tell her so bad that I understand her decision now but I don't know if she'll appreciate that, or if it'll just annoy her more since she wanted space. And yeah, this past month has been rocky between us but things were generally pretty good so it makes it even that much harder.

 

I would just leave it longer as when me & my ex had our first major argument I text like mad etc when he said he wanted space it wasnt until he ended it that I have gone NC I took it that he ended it as he didnt really speak. From then on Ive left him if he thinks the grass is greener with this other person then I have to just leave it.

 

When I first argued with him over it his reason for wanting to split up was because he shouldnt be hurting me like he was doing the right thing thats when he said he needed to think, I think he didnt do much thinking as he works with this girl and know he will have just got drunk and could tell when he came round he wasnt sure if it should end or not by all the contradicting answers he gave me. But still it ended and since then Ive stuck with no contact its really really hard to do but I think you should just try leaving it for a bit XX

[SuperDave71]

If you have already made mistakes, the best thing to do is disappear. (Leave your ex alone) Emotions were probably so high that you reacted without thinking first. Let the air settle. Realize that you have NO CONTROL over your ex and you cannot influence their behavior especially with begging and pleading. Confidence is key here. Though your heart may be breaking, it's best to do what you can NOT to evoke sympathy from your ex.

 

 

The way I see it... If you act crazy, they will assume you are.

 

 

 

You have been warned.

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[MayJane]

If you have already made mistakes, the best thing to do is disappear. (Leave your ex alone) Emotions were probably so high that you reacted without thinking first. Let the air settle. Realize that you have NO CONTROL over your ex and you cannot influence their behavior especially with begging and pleading. Confidence is key here. Though your heart may be breaking, it's best to do what you can NOT to evoke sympathy from your ex.

 

 

The way I see it... If you act crazy, they will assume you are.

 

 

 

You have been warned.

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

 

Thanks Dave for this thread, I am been so brave its so hard sometimes but have done 12 days NC feel the worst but got to keep going.

 

Weird thing is ages ago when we knew a couple that broke up and I said god if you ever dumped me I wouldnt talk to you for about a year, so do you think he will just think Im doing that? Just get so angry its so hard everything. Im going out tonight with a friend to take my mind of things X

[SuperDave71]

Don't worry about what other may be thinking. YOU are the one that matters. You make the decisions in your life NOT your ex. Take the focus off your ex and on to you.

 

 

-SuperDave71

[MayJane]

Don't worry about what other may be thinking. YOU are the one that matters. You make the decisions in your life NOT your ex. Take the focus off your ex and on to you.

 

 

-SuperDave71

 

I know thank you, its silly how we think of them more than ourselves when there the ones that left! Went out with a friend tonight and it took my mind off it somewhat!

[SuperDave71]

We do this because we assume THEY were the one's that made us genuinely happy. This is not the case. It's how we felt when we were with them that made us happy. What the difference? YOU are the one in charge of your own happiness, NOT your ex.

 

 

They were only a part of what was already you.

 

 

 

 

-Think about it

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[delicous]

ha ha..im never getting him back..I sent his best friend apic of me half naked, i sent him a email asking for advise

with another relationship i want to be in and this guy i like has a girlfriend and i told him that too..I told him

I am bi curious...what else??...i texted his fam to text him my apt number...what else??...yeah I screwed my chances..

you know what though..I HAAATE HIM for doing this to me...

[delicous]

lets add to that..Don't try to get attention in negative ways!!

[SuperDave71]

Delicious,

 

What did you hope to gain with such drastic action? Revenge?

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[MayJane]

I got this from my ex today I feel sick don't really know how to go about it as I feel so ill I get annoyed that hes asking how I am as he knows Im going to be a wreck!

 

Hi,

 

How're are you doing?

 

I was just wondering if I could pick up my CD's and Stereo. I'm sure

you don't want them hanging around either. I can't do it until

thursday morning or friday morning this week or anytime after that.

 

Hope you are well. Let me know

 

Any advice of what to do?

[SuperDave71]

Let him have his things as soon as you are available.

 

 

It's called closure. The last thing you want to do it talk about the relationship with him as he walks out the door.

 

 

Be strong. You can do this.

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[MayJane]

Let him have his things as soon as you are available.

 

 

It's called closure. The last thing you want to do it talk about the relationship with him as he walks out the door.

 

 

Be strong. You can do this.

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

 

He was supposed to mail my housemate to sort all this out not me. I dont know if I should just get my friend to sort it rather than me and just carry on with NC? What do you think? I dont know if I could cope with seeing him so soon esp when the mail is so blunt? He has been back once already for stuff but didnt take the stereo n cds.

 

So confused with what to do.

[MayJane]

He was supposed to mail my housemate to sort all this out not me. I dont know if I should just get my friend to sort it rather than me and just carry on with NC? What do you think? I dont know if I could cope with seeing him so soon esp when the mail is so blunt? He has been back once already for stuff but didnt take the stereo n cds.

 

So confused with what to do.

 

My house mate saw him in town today and said he looked awful he said that it maybe best to contact him about getting his stuff rather than going through me as my ex told him he had emailed me about it. I get angry that hes posting stuff on this girls wall (told by friend) its so insulting its like a total diff guy he loved me so much that I can't understand why he would be so disrespectful to me even if he wanted it to end he still would try not to hurt me more by doing things like this if he truly likes this girl then why all this hurtful stuff that everybody can see. Its horrible, this is why I feel like mailing him.

 

He asked how I was again to my house mate I wish hed have said shed be better without having to hear loads of stuff that upsets her. Am I stupid if I mail back to his mail and say all this stuff?

[delicous]

Maryjane~~~ If you need them that bad, go get them but do not act clingy or like you

want to be back with the ex...Make him think you are happy even if you are crying inside.

[delicous]

Superdave71~~~ yes..i guess i did hope for revenge...

[MayJane]

Maryjane~~~ If you need them that bad, go get them but do not act clingy or like you

want to be back with the ex...Make him think you are happy even if you are crying inside.

 

He knew my thoughts that I wanted to work it out tho when it ended I feel if I mail anything like that he still knows I'm here waiting. Until he messages with anything positive I think I should just stay NC as hes still with her. I have just stayed doing stuff and kept busy still sad tho but I havnt give him any information to let him know how Im getting on etc. My house mate just said I was ok that was it.

[MayJane]

Nothing is ever simple...

 

I'm now worried tho because he had this fb page that he uses so he can log into his fb fan page for his blog anyway he never had friends on it but now he has the girl plus three of her mates on there and only one of his no one else its as if its a secret bubble anyway I don't think he knows its not set to private so everyone can see all the comments him & this girl are sending to each other. I have blocked both so I can't see but people keep telling me things they write to each other which makes me so ill and angry I have asked them to stop. Its like he actually has no respect for me and my feelings if he can do this anyway I got upset in front of my best mate about it and said I was sick of hearing things. Anyway she mailed him and said the following its not word for word as she only told me....He knows me more than anyone so he prob knows how I'm feeling at the mo and just told him that in case he didn't know that his page is not set to private so people can see and things are getting back to me. She said he should respect me and turn it to private as all Ive done is love him and thought the feelings were mutual so all this ending has come as a big shock to me and the way hes acting is not like him or the person we loved and hopes he can take some of what she said on board.

 

I'm glad that she stuck up for me and said it as it was really making me ill but now I'm panicking that he knows how I'm getting on or how I'm feeling from her mail when Ive managed to keep up 14 days NC I just hope it hasn't messed my NC up even though its nothing to do with me if that makes sense.

 

Any thoughts, I just hope it hasnt?