Can someone explain this to me?

[Hopelessness]

How does a man go from declaring his undying love, begging you to marry him and being completely ecstatic over the news of your pregnancy and moving in together to throwing everything away for another woman? The man I was with is now ignoring me despite the fact that I'm carrying his child..his only care in the world is getting his ex back..he spends his every day and night obsessing over her. What the hell is wrong with him? How do you turn your feelings off for one person, feelings that were supposedly so strong and deep and go running to another woman? I don't know how to get past all this, I'm having such a difficult time accepting that I could be so worthless to this man, that he could just turn his back on me and our baby. I can't heal until I let go and I dont know how to do that right now, not with this little reminder of him growing inside of me.

[apollocreed71]

The baby is innocent, concentrate on you and your child. if he wants to be a part of the childs life, then let him. but as for you, let him go, i am not good at this, but often it is easy to let the love go if it is replaced with an equal emotion, such as hate. just think how he left you in this situation, how he cares for another woman, he really does not have, he is throwing you and the baby away to try to get back with an ex. i know its hard to not remember as you are pregnant. but honestly you would never forget anyways. you can focus on providing for you child and how you can have a better life. change your priorities.

 

some people can not see the forest for the trees.

[shes2smart]

Some people are just flaky. Sometimes even the most reliable people can have moments of incredible flakiness. You can go looking for better reasons than that, but more often than not, it just comes down to flakiness. His flake-tendencies are no reflection on you, so your worth as a person, a partner and a parent should not be in question. (Easier said than done, I know...)

 

Have you looked into collecting child support from him after your baby is born? While you can't make him follow through on marrying you and helping raise the child, he does have an obligation to provide financially for the child he fathered.

[chai714]

First things first: Your physical health is what is most important right now. Make sure (no matter HOW you feel) that you're eating right, and not stressing too much. If you need to, see your physician.

 

Second: one of the most difficult things in life is trying to understand WHY someone did something, and then ACCEPTING it as reality. These both come with time, although some never get answers but they must go on living life.

 

If you have the mental strength, tell yourself, "I'll worry about this AFTER my baby is born." This may sound far off, but it can be done. The mind is a very powerful thing.

 

My suggestion to you right now is to write in a journal, perform physical exercises approved by your physician, and to make sure your baby gets proper nutrition (through you). Also, surround yourself with family and friends. They will help you get through this.

[darkblue]

If he can do that, he isn't a man.

 

You are not worthless to men, you are in competition with his ex, he clearly never got over his feelings for her.

 

He has to legally, finance the baby, if he's there or not. You can also settle with him, or through the courts, when and how he sees the child.

 

I'm sorry for your unfortunate circumstances. But please don't judge all men on this bad experience. He is one person, not even a man.

 

Your main priority in life at this very moment, is the baby. Do your best to make sure your problems are not affecting the baby just now. i.e. eating well etc.

[Hopelessness]

I am doing everything I can to put this mess out of mind for the sake of the baby and I've done well for the most part. It's just difficult to go from being with this loving, affectionate person who was there to take care of me, love me, show me attention to being all alone once again and the reasons for doing it seem so ridiculous. What a waste to throw it all away but then again maybe it is for the best. I would imagine 6 months down the road his mind will start to wonder and he'll prolly kick himself in the [edited] for being such a fool..at this point I've decided to cut him completely out of my life..were he willing to help out, be there for appointments and such I'd decline, I've realized his presense isn't good for me or this baby. As for support, I will get it after the child is here..he is going to do his part to care for this child financially. The only thing I'm concerned about is shared custody, I'd rather he not be around if this selfishness he's showed me is going to continue, right now he only cares about one thing and it's definitely NOT the baby or me..he really isn't being a man and I'm not sure he ever will be.

[darkblue]

Give it time for you and him to cool down. You can't act on instinct right now and tell him he can't ever see the baby. He is the father afterall.

 

Try and calm down.

[Hopelessness]

Certain things have come to light recently about this man and his character. I had the pleasure of meeting a woman he was friends with several years..they had their own special arrangement, friends with benefits. Their relationship resulted in her becoming pregnant and him turning her away because the woman he was with meant more to him than the child this other person was carrying. I read the nasty emails he sent to her, I know what she went through with him so my desire to keep this child away is for the good of the child, not as punishment to him. He seems to be the sort of person that only cares about himself. Yes, he fathered this child, he donated his sperm but that doesnt make him a good role model nor a fit parent. He would have to jump through quite a few hoops for me to allow his presense. As I've mentioned before, his obsession with this person had turned him into a worthless person..its all he thinks of day and night and his other children are put on the back burner simply so he can get what he wants at the moment. I guess we'll see what happens.

[Caterina]

Sweetheart, he sounds really scary and mean. Keep showing love to your baby, it will be okay. Dont' put yourself under stress, don't think about this right now. YOu have enough things to worry about. Is there anyone who will be kind to you, like a mother? God?

[alona125]

He sounds like he is heartless to do this to you.

I wanted to respond to you because I was once in a sorta simlilar situation.

I never moved in with my boyfriend at the time, but we did love each other, and had something going.

When I told him I was pregnant, he turned into a monster.

He went back to his ex, and wanted me to get an abortion.

When we talked on the phone, or if i went over to his home, he would be obsessed about his ex, who is now his gf, finding out that I was over.

So, I had to make the hardest decision in my whole life.

I cut out all contact with him. He called me a few weeks after, making sure that I had gone through with the abortion.

I told him i did, even though i didn't. I chose to keep my baby. I wouldn't let this man, who turned into an absoulute horrible, angry, and verbally abusive person, rule my life.

Long story short, you can go on with your life without this man. Focus on you and your baby. He no longer matters, and in the future, he may come around.

So far, the father of my son has not contacted me, he doesn't even know he has a son. I placed my son for adoption in a wonderful home, in which I am able to see him anytime I want. I am not telling you what to do with the baby, but the point of my reply to you is to tell you how you you can go on with life without him.

Focus on taking care of yourself, and the little miracle you are carrying.

Someday my sons father may come around, but until then, my son is way better of without him in his life. He is the happiest little boy I have ever seen, and I couldn't be happier with my decision.

[Hopelessness]

He has turned into a monster..I don't even know who he is anymore, maybe I never knew him. Hell..we were supposed to get married last Saturday, we'd already had the marriage license and everything. It's just sick how quickly he turned his back on me, I'm still in shock that anyone could be that way but I'm working on moving on and hopefully one day soon it won't feel so bad anymore.

[lolapop411]

What a JERK!

Get the anger out of your system. Write nasty letters to him, scream on top of your lungs and learn some breathing methods to relax.

If he wants to be part of the childs life let him but do not force him.

REMEMBER it is NOT YOU To BLAME! Keep repeating that seek therapy!

[alona125]

I am so sorry to hear that.

Just stay strong, for yourself and your little baby that is relying solely on you.

Surround yourself with family and friends. At least you found this all out about him before you married him. He is not worth it, trust me.

It will get better, I promise you! It took me a little while, but right now, I hardly think of him. My son looks like him, but you know what, that doesn't even bother me.

Don't get me wrong, I do get a little sad about the situation, but it is truly for the best.

Think of your child first, ok. Your ex sure doesn't, and why would you ever want someone like that in your life, let alone raising your child?

It does get better, it really does

[chai714]

What a JERK!

Get the anger out of your system. Write nasty letters to him, scream on top of your lungs and learn some breathing methods to relax.

If he wants to be part of the childs life let him but do not force him.

REMEMBER it is NOT YOU To BLAME! Keep repeating that seek therapy!

 

Write them, but don't send them. Burn them.

[tiger_lilies]

My biological father physically abused my mother when I was born. She made the hard decision to divorce him. From what I understand, my biological father has never made ANY effort to contact me nor my mother. I have never met this man ever before in my life.

 

Your post made me think of my roots and where I come from. I think that my mother made the right decision to keep me away from my bio-father. Otherwise, he might've physically abused me as well.

 

Today I am happy and healthy and even though I am curious to meet my bio-father, it is certainly not something that I dwell on.

 

I believe that when the time comes of when your child will ask you about his/her father (as did I to my mom) you can explain to your child of the circumstances that lead you to this decision.

[lolapop411]

Yes, the person who wrote "write them but not send them" is right. Forgot to mention that.