10 years with my girlfriend, 2nd breakup

[Scout]

First - good for you on taking on the cat at least, I hope she is sending them to good homes though...is there anyway though you can find people who may want some of the other ones? She might not be in a state to find good homes if she is smoking pot and out partying...and pets without homes don't end up in nice places The kitty is very lucky to get a new home with you

 

Thank you, Ray Kay for pointing this out. I am concerned for the animals, too, they didn't ask to be shipped off to new, uncertain futures because their original owners *can't* care for them now.

 

To the original poster, if I were you, I would move back to this town ASAP and - I'm really sorry to say this - clean up the mess you had a large part in creating. And start with keeping the house from being foreclosed, keeping your animal family intact, and show this girl that you mean what you say: you're in it for the long haul with her.

 

It's time for you to be a hero.

 

Will it be an overnight process? No, it will probably take months, maybe over a year. But if you really want to be with this girl for the rest of your life, you have to show you are committed. And I'm not saying coming back to town and sweeping her off her feet. More like, coming back to town and letting her know your friendship is there for her. Trust me, if you play it cool - don't chase her, but be her friend - and most importantly, BE IN THE SAME TOWN - she'll be giving up those cowboys eventually.

 

But you have to make a monumental effort here. You may not have been married, but you two and your pets were a family, and yes, you checked out of that family. It's time to reclaim them.

 

Can you measure up to this task? You can if it's really worth it to you.

[sentencedtoagony]

Nice to hear from you too.

 

I will ask him. Not knowing is making me think the worst at this point.

[sentencedtoagony]

First - good for you on taking on the cat at least, I hope she is sending them to good homes though...is there anyway though you can find people who may want some of the other ones? She might not be in a state to find good homes if she is smoking pot and out partying...and pets without homes don't end up in nice places The kitty is very lucky to get a new home with you

 

Thank you, Ray Kay for pointing this out. I am concerned for the animals, too, they didn't ask to be shipped off to new, uncertain futures because their original owners *can't* care for them now.

 

To the original poster, if I were you, I would move back to this town ASAP and - I'm really sorry to say this - clean up the mess you had a large part in creating. And start with keeping the house from being foreclosed, keeping your animal family intact, and show this girl that you mean what you say: you're in it for the long haul with her.

 

It's time for you to be a hero.

 

Will it be an overnight process? No, it will probably take months, maybe over a year. But if you really want to be with this girl for the rest of your life, you have to show you are committed. And I'm not saying coming back to town and sweeping her off her feet. More like, coming back to town and letting her know your friendship is there for her. Trust me, if you play it cool - don't chase her, but be her friend - and most importantly, BE IN THE SAME TOWN - she'll be giving up those cowboys eventually.

 

But you have to make a monumental effort here. You may not have been married, but you two and your pets were a family, and yes, you checked out of that family. It's time to reclaim them.

 

Can you measure up to this task? You can if it's really worth it to you.

 

Yeah, I've certainly thought about this. I've written entire pages about it in my letters to her. I've said things like offering to move back and saying "let's take care of the family that we already started together."

 

What you say might be true about her getting tired of her new "friends." In fact, it almost seems predictable based on past behavior. But it also seems a lot of others factors are different this time too.

 

A lot of going back is a financial issue. I don't have the ease of just getting a job anywhere. I had to struggle with a job transfer for weeks to get here in the first place. I've thought about finishing school and now I'm a resident of the state I live in (lower tuition rates).

 

Sometimes I think she is posion for me and the animals will be fine in new homes and that they are sick of each other anyway. Sometimes I think about what a great person is and all the great times we had with our animals and the special bonds they share with one another.

 

Don't get me wrong, I really care about the animals. And I do wish that things could work out. It's something that tears away at me.

 

Thinking these things makes it hard for me to move on as everyone advises. It would certainly be ideal to work it out.

 

I'm just not sure what's the right thing to do anymore.

[Tigris]

We can only advise you. It's upto you to make a decision. It's your life not ours!

 

Whatever you decide I hope it works out for you.

 

Good luck and take care.

[sentencedtoagony]

i talked with her on the phone for about an hour yesterday.

 

i asked if i could buy her lunch while in town. she said it wasn't right for her to accept while dating someone else. i thought we were friends?

 

she said she couldn't see me when i pick up the cat either because her boyfriend wants to be there and probably wants to "beat me up" if he sees me because of all the bad things i've done to her. (one of my "bad" traits was being too overprotective -- why is it ok with the new guy?)

 

but in our conversation it seemed to me she was confused at times. i told her about some of the personal goals i had been working toward when we were still together and how i was preparing for a more committed future between us. at times she cried and told me my timing was bad. she said she's just having fun now and that's all she wants. i told her it's not too late for us to salvage our family of animals, to get back together and to work things out. i told her i was willing to go to counseling together, willing to sell our old house and find a new place. i said it wasn't right for us to give up on it all and that i made a huge mistake by walking away from the things i cared so much about just because things weren't 100% perfect.

 

she was angry with me at times too. her response to my wanting to hold it all together and work it out was something like "well people split up everyday and they have kids and it's tough but that's just how it is." she said it quite bitterly.

 

she said that my calling her really pisses off her boyfriend since she says guys are hitting on her all the time now when she's with him. why did she have to throw that in there?

 

i felt like i was getting through to her. i felt like there were times when we were reconnecting and we could both tell that we belong together. i tried to call her back a few hours later, but mr. tough guy always answers now.

 

ultimately, she said things and implied things that made me think she still thinks i'm her guy.

 

i don't know what i'm asking for in this post. i guess i just had to let some of my pain out. i feel so powerless and lonely, yet somehow still hopeful. it's a tough combination of feelings to deal with.

 

she said again she doesn't believe in soulmates anymore. but why does she believe in it when we're together?

[rascal]

wow, dude. part of me agrees with scout. be the hero! go for the happy ending! but the other part of me says leave her alone. if you really are still her guy, she will come to you. when are you going to pick up the cat? (you still have to do this btw, cats come first)

[sentencedtoagony]

wow, dude. part of me agrees with scout. be the hero! go for the happy ending! but the other part of me says leave her alone. if you really are still her guy, she will come to you. when are you going to pick up the cat? (you still have to do this btw, cats come first)

 

i just got back home with the cat. it doesn't feel like home though.

 

when i picked him up the girl i love wasn't there. i saw all the animals in my old house and i let my dog and his sister see one another. i still think it sucks that the brother and sister dogs that were together for so many years had to be split up. the ex won't let me take my dog's sister and have them together.

 

it brought back a lot of emotions and memories being there. i cried so much as i walked out the front door to leave. i had the lucky opportunity to see my ex's brother that molested her. the demented irony is i think (i might be wrong since i'm only piecing together the few bits of information i have) that he matched her up with one of his friends -- the one she is dating now.

 

i still really love my ex a lot despite all she's doing. it seems like she's got a rebound guy again. but that doesn't mean anything really. she could end up marrying him like she almost did with the last rebound guy.

 

i think about moving back, but a big part of me would keep hoping and clinging to the idea that i might get her back. i wake up every morning trying to think of what words i can tell her to explain why we should be together and to try to spark those feelings in her again.

 

the first time we were apart, she would allow me to see her on occasion. i almost think that contact is what allowed us to get back together. it was really painful, but she would let me read letters to her in person. but now i don't have that option. even when i drove down there she refused to see me.

 

when i think about moving on to date other women, i know that it won't be quite as special. all my other experiences are so dilluted compared to those i had with my ex.

 

when i think about working on myself as everyone suggests, i really don't know what to do anymore. i am devoid of ambition and desire.

[rascal]

when i think about moving on to date other women, i know that it won't be quite as special. all my other experiences are so dilluted compared to those i had with my ex. when i think about working on myself as everyone suggests, i really don't know what to do anymore. i am devoid of ambition and desire.

 

i know exactly how you feel. but you have to believe that these thoughts and emotions will pass. you will fall in love again. trust me. she is not the last woman you will ever love.

 

you have to force yourself to do things now. you can't just let time take over and hope these feelings go away. make yourself excel at work, excel at the gym. let this be the fuel that motivates you to do things beyond what you thought you were capable of.

 

i know it seems impossible. but you have to try. don't give up.