Another sad break-up story

[Ownerofalonelyheart]

My story is not all that different from any other I guess. But I'll share it anyways:

 

I met the perfect girl for me last year. We became friends, and then quickly became lovers. She told me I was her soulmate, her one true love. She said she would love me forever, and never give up on us. What a crock of s*#t. She turned from hot to cold in a matter of days, and broke up with me last night over the phone. Our relationship was so good- the best I've ever had (and I've had a few serious relationships- I'm just over 30). She however, is only 23, and does not live in the same town as me. She lives 1,000 miles away. We met via a mutual friend. This is what killed us in the end. She said things like "I can't take this anymore" and "I don't know who I am". How could something so good go so bad? Was she telling lies the entire time? We had talked about the possibility of her moving in with me- that meant she would have to leave her family and friends behind. I realize that this is a HUGE step- and what that would cause anyone fear. But I never felt like I was putting pressure on her. I never wanted to either. I have been through break-ups before, so this is nothing new. However, this relationship was different- she was different. We talked about marriage, and kids! Did she just get scared- and ran away? Do you guys have any answers? Because she won't give me any.

[caasiopia68]

she obviously isnt telling you something... things cant change that dramaticly in only a matter of days... im very sorry maybe things will get better over time...

[saltwatergirl]

It's amazing how many people will say one thing then do another. Leaves you questioning whether or not the entire relationship was one big facade. You doubt everything, right down to whether or not they even cared about you at all. Where you just a game, a big scam, was it all a big fat lie?

 

In time you will begin to release these thoughts and realize that it is't you, it's them. If it hurts to think they lied about their feelings all along, then just make up your mind to believe they didn't and take comfort in thoughts like "she's young" and "it just was wrong timing", etc. If it helps to believe she loved you, but this just happened, then believe that. You can choose what to accept. Dont hurt yourself by conjuring up all the bad thoughts. Dont do that.

 

I hope you get better soon.

 

Salt

[walkingwithaghost]

23 year olds are very selfish people and do not know who they are. One day they can say they love someone and truly mean it, the next they realize it wasn't real. You are 30 and much more mature than her. You know what you want more than she does, she has a lot more mistakes to make. Plus it was naive and selfish of you to expect her to drop her entire life to move in with you. It sounds like you had a fatherly controlling role in the relationship (considering your seniority and the fact she was gonna dump her entire life to be your gf, plus that she said "i dont know who i am") In short: she's just a kid, date a woman and get over it. You said you're 30 and have had many serious relationships, well you'll have many more, just avoid women in their early 20s who don't know who they are and want they want.

[volution]

That is quite a rude and prejudiced statement...

Whilst it is true, many people in their 20's aren't that mature these days, not all of them are like this - to believe so is to be brainwashed and simple.

ANYONE of ANY AGE can be like this, not just, '23 year olds'.

I know of men and women in their 50s that behave worse and more immaturely than men/women of 20.

And I believe it is wrong to use another person (date) them to 'get over' someone else - what if that person that you were using believed that you were *their* soulmate, and you turned round and said 'hey - it was only for fun'?

 

Ownerofalonelyheart - For most people, moving away 1,000 miles, from their family and friends is a major upheavel - at *any* age.

I don't think they lied - they were just not ready at this point in their life to make such a major commitment, and again I repeat this has NOTHING to do with physical age, but the stage they are at, and the state they are in at the particular time.

She might have given so much of herself and devoted so much of her life, to being with you, that she 'lost' who she was - she lost sight of her individuality, and this frightened her. Perhaps she thought that you would never give as much back to her, as she did to you...

In the end, any successful relationship must reach a point where the 'two' people almost become 'one'. This is not to say they must be with each other every second of every day, but it is about merging and sharing your life, intertwined, fused, with another soul, and sacrificing some of your personal freedom and independence to explore a deeper, more real freedom.

And this frightens most people (at any age), and it is why few ever people stay truly, deeply intimate, for long... because few people are ready to understand or take part in such a deep commitment...

[Ownerofalonelyheart]

Thank you everyone for the feedback and advice. I appreciate it.

 

I just want to add: I never really put any pressure on her to move to my city. In fact, it was her idea! She did everything first- she told me she loved me first, she made the first move, etc. I just wanted to be with her. I never intended to put this pressure on her. She told me that she was having panic and anxiety attacks- because of the impending move. We came to the conclusion that she should come to me, because I'm already settled in my career (and can't really live anywhere else w/o being unemployed!) and she is just getting started.

 

Anyways, thanks again for the help.

[walkingwithaghost]

Everyone knows people in general are much more stupid and selfish at 23 then they are at 30 or 50 for that matter.Of course you will find exceptions to this rule, there are many selfless 20 year olds and many selfish 50 year olds, in general thoughh I would sooner trust a 33 year old than a 23 year old. Becoming more altruistic and developing a sense of one's self are a natural part of maturing. You should not be shocked if you date a 23 year old and they screw you over or change identities on you. For the simple fact that for someone to date someone so much older they would have to be a little confused to start with, not to mention what I just said about all 20 y/os in general. Go watch The Real World if you need further proof, that show characterizes perfectly the early twenties experience of being young, selfish, and dumb. Laura