perfectliljewel Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 i know im depressed but i dont know why. i have been cutting doing drugs, drinking and ODn on my pain pills. its weird though because i dont feel any emotion at all. i just know im not myself. i dont laugh at jokes i dont care if some1 gets hurt and when my boyfriend says i love you theres nothing. i can tell he is irratated from it and i want to feel things again. can you help me please why am i so emotionless and what can i do to stop it??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arwen Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Hey girl, First off, I am happy to hear you are not taking substances anymore. Are you on antidepressants? If so, feeling 'flattened' (happy nor sad, just flat) this can be due to these kind of meds. Feeling flat can also be a symptom of depression itself. You simply stop caring, and start feeling like a zombie. I wish I could take this away from you, but the only thing I can suggest to you is to seek some counselling. Do you think that deep-down, you might be scared to feel things? Take care, Ilse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perfectliljewel Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 im not on anti depressents i am on pain pills b/c i had knee surgery and i had a shrink but he kinda gave up. i think sumtimes my bf just wants to slap me to wake me up and at the same time he just wants to hold me and nvr let go and try 2 make it all go away. i think my last emotion was in october when my dog that i treated like my son died. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alabama Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 It's probably your body still adjusting to the drugs wearing off. Since your body isn't used to you not taking drugs, then it can take time for that to adjust. Thus, you not feeling really any emotions, could be a side effect. Just give it some time and hopefully things will be better. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perfectliljewel Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 but im still doing drugs off and on.... its weird Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arwen Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Which kind of drugs are you doing? Do you think you're capable of stopping all together? You are so young, it scares me that you are dealing with these heavy things. If you feel there are things you can't talk about here, don't hesitate to send me a pm, ok? As for the drugs, I think the on and off taking can really mess up the chemical balances in your system (such as serotonin and noradrenalin-- both VITAL in the way you feel). I assume you take these drugs to escape a certain feeling, and strongly suggest you seek counselling to be supervised and guided. Ilse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perfectliljewel Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 i have "tried" a few illegal drugs. n i have bn ODn on clonazepam,tramadol, mobic,and cyclobenzaphrine HCL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arwen Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 When is the last time you took an overdose of any of those? How did you stop taking overdoses, and were you used to take too many of those substances at a frequent (say daily, weekly) basis? Ilse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perfectliljewel Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 i OD on them like every time something big hits me.. its like a replacement for an emotion like if ex boyfriend would threaten to kill himself i would OD on all my meds and sometimes go to my friend, Craigs house and do drugs. I guess my body is used to it by now but i dont know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davidsan Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 u say to replace the emotion of him killin him self so i bet if u try stopin u will feel emotions well wat do ino ive never dun drugs and never will Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perfectliljewel Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 i didnt feel emotion b4 i did drugs though i dnt think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arwen Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 How do you get your hands on drugs like these? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perfectliljewel Posted July 20, 2005 Author Share Posted July 20, 2005 there all perscriptions n i got sum illegal stuff from a frend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 Good therapists don't just give up - so you need to get to a new one who will be able to help you. The chances are that you are feeling emotions deep inside - you are just repressing them. If you were truly emotionless you would not be posting on here asking for help - so all is not lost and it is not too late. The chances are that the drugs you have taken, plus the changes that your body have gone through, have messed up your mind. Time to get it straightened out. This is too important to just cruise along without getting your life under control. Do as ilse says, and send her a private message, or me if she is not on here, if you want to talk privately and get more detailed advice. Where are your parents and how much do they know about your situation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abcd1234 Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 The fact that you have come here tells us that you want to kick this habit. If you keep abusing your body like this then you will only end up feeling worse and worse, think of this a period of your life where you have been living destructively and that you are now going to move on from, look forward into the next period of your life. In order to kick this habit you are going to have to find somebody that you can talk to, i suggest you speak to a good councillor but if you aren't willing to do that then you can always confide in a friend or relative who you think would be willing to help yuo kick this habit. Getting over a drug habit is definitely something that cannot, and should not, be done alone. Once you get over this im positive that you wil begin to feel emotions again. In fact, if you decide to quit now then im sure in a few months you could be right as rain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arwen Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 And whose prescriptions are those? All yours? I think that DN is right about repression-- and in that case it's not strange you didn't feel emotions before you started doing drugs. Maybe you started them to feel at least something. Take care, Ilse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perfectliljewel Posted July 20, 2005 Author Share Posted July 20, 2005 ya there mine n i almost shot speed last night n i almost got drunk n i cut the crap outta my arm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 You are obviously feeling something if you are driven to repress your feelings with the use of drugs and alcohol, and are cutting yourself. I agree with DN, the therapist you spoke to before wasn't avery good one if he/she gave up on you and didn't refer you to someone who could help you... maybe you need to talk with an addiction counselor. Do your parents know about any of this? Why did you go to therapy before? Did they ask you to go, or did you want to go for yourself? You did the right thing by coming here, there are alot of good people on this forum who are willing to help if we can, or at the very least listen. DN is a good person to talk to, he's helped alot of people here, and you can always PM myself or Ilse if you need to talk. Please don't give up on yourself. There are other ways to deal with negative emotions, and one of the ways to to talk to people about how you feel. Does your bf know you take drugs and cut yourself? How old is he, and how does he feel about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perfectliljewel Posted July 21, 2005 Author Share Posted July 21, 2005 no my parents dont know. my skool made made me go to threpy. an no my bf dnt know and hes 17 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 why did your school make you go to therapy? Do you think you can tell your bf? You must be tired....juggling this on your own, and keeping it from everybody that loves you, no? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perfectliljewel Posted July 21, 2005 Author Share Posted July 21, 2005 they said if i didnt go to therepy they would call the cops on me for suicidal tendencies and if i told my bf he would tottally flip out... and i cant loose him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Don't you think at some point he will find out? How long do you expect you will be able to juggle all these secrets and lies before someone finds out? How long has this bf been with you? Honey, this is an awful lot for a 13 year old girl to be going though. If your bf and family know, you can work towards getting some help and stopping your drug use, and cutting. Don't you want that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perfectliljewel Posted July 21, 2005 Author Share Posted July 21, 2005 of course i want to stop but i cnt loose him.... the only time i almost feel anything is when im with him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Why do you think telling him will make him leave? Do you think he is more important than you and getting yourself healthy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perfectliljewel Posted July 21, 2005 Author Share Posted July 21, 2005 who would wanna be with some1 that shoots speed and cuts? he knows i drink but so does he... and crazy but ya i think hes more important than me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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