I need advice ASAP from the men out there!!

[pattysky]

Ok, here's the deal, my ex calls me back after 2 and a half months of no contact except for two emails where I informed him of my father's death. He calls and says "I'm finally calling you back and I'm real sorry about your dad and everything else, call me back" The everything else was him breaking up with me in an email after two years together! I think it's a guilt call and I don't know what to do! Should I call him back? I still care for him and I'm so nervous. I need help and I need some solid advice because I miss him a lot!!! What should I do? He called earlier around 7 pm.

[rionmccloud]

Call as a friend, nothing more. Don't expect anything more. And that's only if you feel you MUST call him.

 

Then again, I could be wrong. It will hurt really bad, don't fool yourself on that.

[SadnConfused]

Yes, call him. Only to see what he has to say... He must bring up relationship talk and then you should be reluctant to respond. Do not be acting super availible to him. I mean, he broke up with you over email after two years???? He is gonn have to work a little bit harder than that...

[brando]

You can call him, but like posted previously dont expect anything. Why he waited two months to call you, especialy after your fathers death is strange. I would think this would be just common courtesy to pay respects to you, regardless of a break up.

 

My ex wife recently lost her grandmother and though she intiated the divorce, i was quick to call her to let her know how sorry i was for her loss and just told her if she needed anything to call me.

 

Everyone is different.

 

Call if you want, but expect nothing, listen closely to what he says and try to be as cheerful as you can. I would wait a day, to handle the anxiety your feeling right now because he called. Again EXPECT NOTHING about a reconciliation.

 

I am sorry for your loss.

 

be well,

Brando

[pattysky]

Well I did call him back and it was weird because he had a wall up and he was different. He said he still cared for me but he could never be with me again. However we spoke for about two and a half hours. I told him towards the end of the conversation that I still cared and I missed him a lot, and I don't know what to do now. I really want him back but I have no idea where to begin. He said he spent the past month drunk a lot also. He hasn't seen me in almost three months. I was such a mess, I lost twenty pounds.

What should I do? He wants to have lunch Wed to get his dad's book back from me, but I'm not sure how he really feels deep down.

[rionmccloud]

Go to lunch. Show off that weight loss. But again, have no expectations of getting back together. Just go and have a nice lunch. Plain and simple. Me and my ex were at this stage and as hard as it was it was nice to see her. It DID hurt though.

 

You can only help how you feel. The rest is up to him. Remember that.

[Lobo]

Well I did call him back and it was weird because he had a wall up and he was different. He said he still cared for me but he could never be with me again. However we spoke for about two and a half hours. I told him towards the end of the conversation that I still cared and I missed him a lot, and I don't know what to do now. I really want him back but I have no idea where to begin. He said he spent the past month drunk a lot also. He hasn't seen me in almost three months. I was such a mess, I lost twenty pounds.

What should I do? He wants to have lunch Wed to get his dad's book back from me, but I'm not sure how he really feels deep down.

definitely go to lunch with him and find out what he wants.. Dont be scared.. Only you can guage what he is doing by his body languange..You lived with him a long time.. So you will know.. just play it by ear and see how you feel..

good Luck

Lobo

[pattysky]

Hi Everyone,

Well I met with my ex for lunch but we ended up not having lunch (my decision. What happened was, a few nights before we met, we talked for the first time in almost 3 months on the phone! He was distant and cold and basically told me that he could never be with me again, etc, and that he would "always have love for me" (give me a break...) Anyway I go to meet him, and believe me, I looked really good. I think he was expecting me to hug him and cry and tell him how much I missed and loved him, and why won't he be with me....but I didn't. I was calm cool and collected. He was so nervous! He did say that I looked crack skinny (which is a lie) but then he said "but you look good" I didn't stare at him much and I told him I really didn't have time to eat, but I wanted to give him his stuff. I asked him for my gold earings and necklace that he gave me for Christmas and he embarrassingly tells me that he gave them to his MOTHER! I just acted cool and said it's cool and I basically cut the meeting short. He was not the confident self assured, jerk that dumped me in an email 3 months prior. He was nervous and insecure to the point I almost felt bad for him.

He said he was working out a lot and he was pretty happy with his life now. We parted ways and I said goodbye and gave him a hug. He seemed apprehensive to hug me and gave me one of those flimsy hugs and I said "It's ok, you can hug me", so he gave me a good hug and that was it. I haven't heard from him in five days since and I have gone straight back to strict NC. He said he still wants to be friends but his actions show that he is still angry, resentful, and he will probably never call me again, but I finally have closure and I'm fine with it even though it still hurts and I still miss what I thought he was when he loved me.

Let me know your take on this, Thanks and hugs to all.

[rangerider]

Pattysky

 

My take on this is you did yourself proud. You have your closure, time to move on. You handled your meeting in a calm, cool and dignified way. That will be a nice image for him to remember you by.

 

One thing you said stood out. " I still miss what I thought he was when he loved me".

 

That hit home for me. I'm realizing over time since my own breakup that I am missing "an illusion" of my former s/o rather than the way she actually was towards the end. The person that I loved so deeply has changed. Not to say that makes her a bad person. Only that that "special" time we shared together is now a thing of the past and will not be a part of my future.

 

I would suggest you now stay N/C permanently so as to avoid any chance of the downward spiral that would put you right back at the beginning of the grieving and healing process. And along with it the "dreaded" false hope that things may somehow miraculously work out, "in spite of" all the signs you have to the contrary. Try to listen to your head now and not your heart.

 

You did good girl.