Girls approaching guys?

[xcountryprincess]

Ok so i've decided to actually take the initiative in my love life and not simply sit on the side lines and wait for prince charming to come to me, im going after him. After watching a good friend of mine, who is decent looking approach a bloody greek god of a guy and get a date i decided i gotta step on it!

 

Lol, anyways so my question is, do guys really think that if a girl approaches them they are desperat, would they think less of that girl, or not like the fact that they aren't the agressor. I definitely wouldn't come on too strong seeing as im normally pretty shy around guys but i just would like to know from a guys perspective the best way to approach him.

 

Thanks for any advice in advance!

 

"How 'bout you mix your milk with my coco puffs, milky, milky coco puffts"

"Axe shower gel - How dirty boys get clean"

[ben37d]

i can truthfully say that i wish there were more girls out there that would do this... guys get stuck making that first step and it sucks... definitely dont try to hard because guys dont like that easier... why would a guy want someone he can have so easy but yet its awesome to be the guy that has a girl come up and you know she is interested rather than the constant hunt... it all depends if ur going after a guy for a one time thing or more serious though because that would make it two different ideas...

you have to use your personality in a way that would lure a guy in and show ur interested... im sorry if this didnt help but i guess what i was just trying to say is that you have to make sure that it isnt looked on that u r going to be an easy sure thing but asking a guy ur interested in out is not accross any line whatsoever... dont be too aggressive though and make sure you arent making it seem as though hey u can do what u want with me... hope this kind of helped i know it was kind of a mixed up reply

[easyguy]

I wouldn't think of it as desperate if women started approaching guys instead of the other way. It shows confidence, and confidence is great. However, this doesn't always mean that one could come off as not being desperate.

[Dre_7]

I think the same golden rule applies for girls and guys, don't appear needy. Just be who you are, show that you're an awesome person, and unless he's not attracted to you (his loss), then you've got nothing to worry about. A woman making the first move is..sexy.

[Shinobie]

Ya i definitely think women making the first move is really cool.It makes things for say us shy guys a lot nicer or anyone.It gives me the impression that some girls want to change the rules and be the instigator and thats really cool

[asdf]

it does make things easier for the guy. i do prefer going up to the girl and initiating. i generally don't get that attracted to girls until i know them a bit first, which kind of sucks, really, cause then it makes it seems stranger when you start flirting.

[mshollywod]

No offense guys but guys are full of it when they say that. A lot of guys of will say they like that but if you do it it's another story. Plus it's a known fact that guys don't take girls who ask them out seriously. This ladies I find to be a very accurate. Don't believe see for yourself. Read the books, magazines, surveys, etc... Men don't marry women who makes the first move.

[Shidoshi]

No offense guys but guys are full of it when they say that. A lot of guys of will say they like that but if you do it it's another story. Plus it's a known fact that guys don't take girls who ask them out seriously. This ladies I find to be a very accurate. Don't believe see for yourself. Read the books, magazines, surveys, etc... Men don't marry women who makes the first move.

I actually strongly disagree. Guys don't go out with girls whom they AREN'T ATTRACTED TO that ask them out. There's a HUGE difference. It is the same way when a girl rejects a guy. I challenge any guy here who says he would refuse a hot girl who asked him out. Of course it also depends on HOW you do it.

[caasiopia68]

when i read the first paragraph i was thinking: is she desperate or something...

[Shinobie]

Why would she be desperate dude?Whats so bad about that if she wants to aska guy out.Maybe he is shy or something and maybe she wants to be the one to go up to the guy and start something.I mean why would that be so bad?Should girls have to listen some strange rule we've had for so many years.Maybe some girls would want to try going up to the guy.

[asdf]

nothing wrong with a girl being desperate, it makes it more of a turn on

 

now, if a girl came out of nowhere and i didn't know her and she started flirting heavily and asked me out i wouldn't be as interested, and she'd have to have some mitigating factors (being hot, or interesting) for me to be into her. but if she just introduced herself, said hi, random chit chat, and i got to know her more, then i would probably ask her out myself if i was interested (and there's a higher chance i'd be interested).

 

maybe part of it is psychological and being caught up in the chase. chances for a stranger to get a date out of me is slim to none, but i think the same would apply if a stranger asked a girl out.

[DopeStar]

Apparently I offended someone with my original post in this thread, so lets see if I can make the truth a little less harsh.

 

A girl that hits on a guy will be thought of as easy, true.

 

If a girl has to hit on a guy to get his attention, do you really want that guy ladies? I mean, hes not man enough to step up to you, what makes you think he'll be man enough to handle a relationship?

[Shidoshi]

A girl that hits on a guy will be thought of as easy, true.

 

If a girl has to hit on a guy to get his attention, do you really want that guy ladies? I mean, hes not man enough to step up to you, what makes you think he'll be man enough to handle a relationship?

It still depends on how she does it. If she's talking to you and has developed some kind of rapport and things are running smoothly I don't see anything wrong with being asked out for coffee or whatever. It's all in the "presentation." Some guys can be a little shy before getting to know someone (I know I can be sometimes), but that doesn't make him (or I) any less of a man. I remember one relationship I had with a girl who started flirting and neither of us asked each other out, we just started hanging out together. Of course the majority of the time I had to do the asking.

[Shinobie]

A girl that hits on a guy will be thought of as easy, true.

 

If a girl has to hit on a guy to get his attention, do you really want that guy ladies? I mean, hes not man enough to step up to you, what makes you think he'll be man enough to handle a relationship?

 

Dude ya maybe the girl shouldnt hit on the guy but what about if she comes up to talk to the guy?And just start out a conversation i personally think that would be great.Or goes about it more slowly and gives the inclination she might like you.I personally dont believe a girl that goes up to you and starts it is easy.I personally think this would be good for going up to us shy guys or the ones that personally dont care about the whole male domination thing for starting up something.This definitely would not be for the type that are hot and confident because they are so used to getting girls they would think this girl was easy liek said before.

[ShySoul]

If a guy thinks a girl is desparate because she take the initiative, then he's being judgmental and has the problem. Some guys will do this (probably alot knowing how foolish guys are), but there a many who won't. And there are plenty of guys who would appreciate this more. Coming from a guy who has had 3 girls be the first one to say they are interested, I have to say that it doesn't make you look needy at all and it is a very flattering thing to have happen. The only way you could be called desparate or needy is if you made a pest of your self by hanging all over him, begging for a date, etc. I'm sure your not going to do that. So ask him. Have a nice friendly chat and ask if he'd like to do something together, nothing to it.

[corvidae]

Let's get this sorted once and for all...

 

1. Some men don't like girls that do the approaching, but these men are in the minority. I don't know any man who would be put off by a girl showing some initiative.

 

2. The idea that men are put off by assertive women is something women say as an excuse to not make the first move because they are too frightened, and need an excuse to justify their lack of courage. That doesn't mean if you make the first move he will DEFINITELY say yes, as it may be that he isn't attracted to you and will turn you down, but if that's true it was never meant to be.

 

3. The notion that it takes 'real man' or whatever to make the first move and that it's the 'man's job' is macho drivel that belongs buried in ice with the cavemen. I know plenty of insecure guys, and dumb guys with big egos that have no problem approaching women but who are rubbish at relationships. I have a friend who has almost never been single since he was 14, but he cheats on his women. He's also quite immature and can't look after himself. I often find this is true of macho types. Men can be strong mentally and physically without having the 'Me Tarzan' approach to life.

 

4. If you want to approach someone then do it. Don't ask for permission from society or worry about what your friends will say, just DO IT. Because when your old and dying and your lying on your death bed remembering your life, what would you rather say? "I missed out on the guy I wanted, but at least I conformed to social pressures" or "I did what I wanted, and I got who I wanted and my life was mine" Eh? Which is it to be? Because it's up to you.

[Shidoshi]

4. If you want to approach someone then do it. Don't ask for permission from society or worry about what your friends will say, just DO IT. Because when your old and dying and your lying on your death bed remembering your life, what would you rather say? "I missed out on the guy I wanted, but at least I conformed to social pressures" or "I did what I wanted, and I got who I wanted and my life was mine" Eh? Which is it to be? Because it's up to you.

Well put.

[Santa]

Just so long as the guy and girl have talked a few times before and know of each other, there should be no problem. If the guy rejects the girl it could be out of shock if they havn't talked before... For me personally I have to develop a liking for someone, I can't just like them because they ask me out or something.

 

Also, in England the vast majority of times its the girls that initiate, as most english guys are shy, and usually make moves after getting drunk. The guys that don't are usually full of themselves.

[corvidae]

Also, in England the vast majority of times its the girls that initiate, as most english guys are shy, and usually make moves after getting drunk. The guys that don't are usually full of themselves.

 

I agree with the last two sentences, but I'm not sure that English women do make the first moves. Well, they might, but if that's true then they 1. don't do it to me and 2. don't do it to other men when I'm looking. In all the hundreds of times I've been to clubs and bars I've seen a woman approach one of my friends once. I've always been led to believe American women are more forward. When I watch American films or TV programmes and the woman comes and sits next to a guy at a bar and says 'hi', I always think 'that just doesn't happen here!'. Maybe I'm wrong *big sigh*.

[Shidoshi]

Corvidae, I'm curious, do you approach women at all? From what I hear, it seems that women in your part of the world are harder to approach unless you're in a bar/club type setting, is this true from your perspective?

[corvidae]

One big difference between the UK and the US is that in the UK there are certain situations where it is OK to approach a woman and outside of these situations it is not socially acceptable. So for example, in a pub or club, or at a party, it is OK, but you'd never dream of asking for someone's number on the street or in a bookshop. In fact if you did, you run the risk of being seen as a weirdo. Asking out a friend or someone you know can be done at any time. If you're in the same social club, like a theatre group maybe, it is also OK, but you run the risk of creating an awkward situation if it doesn't work out and you both have the same friends. As far as I can gather, in the US you can ask anyone out at any time. A friend of mine worked in a cafe in the US and men would just ask for her number as she served them, which completely freaked her out as it just isn't done here. An American relationship expert was on an English TV show that I watched, and he gave the advice that bookshops were a good place to meet people, but he didn't understand that in the UK we go to bookshops to buy books, and if you started asking people randomly out you'd probably get arrested, or at least asked to leave by security.

 

To complicate matters further, the rules for women in the UK are mostly still undefined. It might be OK for a woman to stop a man in the street and ask for his number, or to approach someone in a bookshop, as society doesn't regard women as sexually dangerous and thereforeeee they don't run the risk of being seen as a weirdo. However, women just don't do that. I've read people on this site saying that women do approaching, but what tends to happen here is that a woman might smile at you or wink or something, then you're supposed to go over and start the conversation. It's very rare for a woman to actually physically approach a man. I've seen it happen once in all the years I've been going out. Certianly in my experience, women play a very defensive game here, and will almost never admit to finding a guy attractive.

[asdf]

From New Zealand, I've had a few girls approach me, say hi, and initiate talking. Mostly, they just do the look from a distance and smile thing. Most aggressive sober woman I've ever met was 7 years older than me (I was 17) but she was an Irish tourist.

 

Personally, I like it when a girl will come up to me, say hi, and flirt, but still be somewhat of a challenge to get. That way I know she has the confidence to approach a guy, and isn't desperate. If a girl is too shy to approach me, she would have to be very hot for me to be interested and approach her.

[Santa]

I've read people on this site saying that women do approaching, but what tends to happen here is that a woman might smile at you or wink or something, then you're supposed to go over and start the conversation

 

Sorry Corvidae for the confusion, what I meant by initiating includes winking at the guy, smiling at the guy, or 'something'.

 

Also, it might be because i'm a few years younger than you. The age gap doesn't seem that great, a little over 5 years, but I don't know, maybe you've just never been in the right place at the right time. Maybe the younger generations are more forward, I don't know. Or maybe it's just the area I live... I dont know. I can assure you though, i've seen a fair few of my friends chatted up by girls, and i've seen it first hand a fair few times. In my area, for my age group or younger my statement is true, but I can easily see why it might not be true for others.

 

Perhaps girls see you as unapproachable corvidae?

[Shidoshi]

One thing's for sure, women don't really do the approaching atleast in my experience living here in the US. I always get the same type of signals from women. Most of them won't hold eye contact with me, but they'll wander around in close proximity and try different ways of getting my attention especially if they believe that I'm checking them out. Most times they won't even initiate a simple hello, I have to do pretty much all the work. At this point it doesn't really bother me because I enjoy watching them do it. They try so hard to look "natural" and I get a kick out of knowing exactly why they're doing what they're doing.