Need help, trying to be a better man.

[sorryJason]

Hopefully it will last forever, but I guess you know that you both have to work at it this time. I wish I could have some sort of hope that me and my ex would get back together, but I know that it may never happen.

 

I think I have already tried that number, and unfortunately it is only good in the USA, I am in Canada. I am going to a program in August called Alternatives to Violence, and I am still going to my 2 therapists and hypnotherapist.

 

I wish I had my love here to help me through this, she wasn't just my love, she was my best friend, and I worry that when this is all over and done with, I will never talk to her again. I guess all I can do is just go on with my life and pretend as if she never existed. Sometime, I wish I could just take a pill to erase the last 6 years from my memory. Everywhere I go, everything I do, I am reminded of her all the time. Maybe we did too many things together, we went too many places, made too many memories, I can't even go grocery shopping, I went the other day and started crying, the deli woman came out and asked me what's wrong, I said I just lost my fiancee, then she said, did she pass away? I said no, but I felt like saying yes. Now I shop at a different store. But so many things I still want to do, eg Kayak, remind me of all the good times we had. I miss her so much. Oh well, I guess I screwed up and this is my punishment.

 

Sorry for the rant, and that it doesn't make sense, I am at work and typing this between phone calls. I am sorry I turned it into a sob story.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Hope75]

Thanks.

 

You will get through this, and eventually you will smile when you think of memories you shared with your ex, and those places will not have so much significance as they do now in relation to her. Everyone needs to go shopping, and eventually it will be that way.

 

Good for you that you are going to the Alternatives to Violence program, you seem to be making the best of the resources you have available to you. Sorry the hotline isn't available in Canada.

 

How about this one?

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline (Canada)

Toll-free: 1-800-363-9010

 

You are going to get through this, and maybe someday you will talk again, and maybe not. The most important thing is that you take care of you. I am a firm believer that all things happen for a reason and if this is what it takes to get you better and help you find your true self and that makes you happy and finds you love, than it will all be worth it.

[Hope75]

Try this link:

 

link removed

 

It has some info & links that may help you as well.

 

Hang in there.

[SexySadie7]

Well Jason.. you wrote: "I wish I could have become more jaded like everyone else in the world, I think dating a whole bunch of people makes you think that you can just use people and throw them out if they don't completely match you in every way."

Well.. that's one thing you don't want to become.. a user...bad enough to be an abuser, it's a good thing you don't want to be some playboy or player... especially if you have a problem with violence to women.

It is sad there aren't more resources for people who are victims of this problem... You are right Jason.. lots of help out there for alchoholics but less so for the victims of abuse. It is a viscious cycle.. I think, for one.. it would help you greatly though, if you could talk to other victims of abuse... I hope one of those numbers Hope gave you will help you to do so.

It's good you are trying to break the cycle.. For that you should be highly commended.

I once lived with a guy who was phycially abusive to me too... To make up for one of his "fits" he went out and bought me a puppy.. Cute puppy.. but one night, she had to go out and when i didn't get up in time to get her outside. he hit me again and i ended up in the emergency walk in the morning...

So.. i can well understand how your ex-fiance wants to stay away from you. It's very scary to be abused by your boyfriend. You feel helpless, and as women.. who are smaller and weaker... we are helpless.

I don't doubt that your ex-fiance is hurting as well in many ways.. She has to get over all the abuse she's suffered if it was more than once... That doesn't come overnight... but i'm betting she's rather relieved that she doesn't have to endure that anymore.. so it appear that she's so happy.

Does that make any sense?

Hyponosis is a great thing. I have tried that myself..It's great that you can go "deep"... it's really a powerful tool... and can unlock and release alot of hidden demons or traumas inside you that you couldn't easily discuss with anyone... Keep on doing it and i'd not be surprised if you see dramatic results.

You know.. i hope it's really hard now..but it just realize that breaking up no matter what the circumstances is really painful..... if this is your first breakup.. you are experiencing things you never did before... Hope is right.. your feelings are going to be raw for awhile...

And she's also right.. it doesn't really get any easier if you been only with 1 partner or 10 partners.. heartache is heartache.

The reason that it's so wrong for you to talk with your ex's mom is that she is HER support system too... It's her mom who's supporting the guy who beat her up... That's got to be tough for her to deal with.. Look at it from her perspective... but you DO need some kind of support system.

Did you say you go to church? is there a priest or pastor you could discuss this with? We are all sinners in God's eyes... I doubt he would sit in judgement of you if you were to find a good pastor/priest.

I hope my words have helped some.... My prayers go out to you and your ex that you will both heal quickly. You take care