Mixed Signals

[Bene Gesserit541]

About 2 weeks ago, I met this girl while I was at work at the mall. (Her name is Jozie) She and her friends were around for awhile, and me and her seemed to hit it off rather quickly. After we had been talking for an hour, she backed into me and practically asked me to hold her. She also likes to jump on me.

 

Anyway, after 2 weeks, it turns out this morning she had to leave for a camp her mom's making her go to. So, yesterday, I went over to her house because she wanted me to. We sat around and talked for awhile, but she wasn't as hyperactive as she is when I see her at work. Later, I went to work, and she came in. I asked her if she wanted to come over to my house for a couple hours after I got off work. She came over, and she wanted to watch me play guitar. I did, impressed her alot and all that. She then wanted to go watch a movie. So we sat on my couch, I asked her to sit next to me, she did after a moment, I put my arm around her, etc... I enjoy cuddling and all, and we were like that for the entire movie. When it was over, I hugged her tightly, and kissed her on her cheek. She had to be home in about 15 minutes, so I got a ride home for her. When my mom pulled up to her house (I have to have my mom drive me still...hehe), she randomly hugged me really tightly before I let her out.

 

In the past, I always had to ask her for a hug or something, this is the first time she just spontaneously hugged me. It made my day. Having her over made my day. Being close to someone gives me more joy and emotional bliss than playing a gig with my band ever has. (My band gets a lot of applause, just to show how much I enjoyed having her over) The next time I talked to her, which was a few hours later, early in the morning, I had to tell her. I explained how I really felt, and how holding her in my arms makes me feel. She says she has that affect on people. I asked her how she felt...and she said that whenever people hold her in their arms, she feels suffocated. She also told me she's been in love with a guy for a long time, but he hates her. She suddenly has to "go". (This short chat took place on AIM)

 

 

Now I'm left wondering...Does she actually like me? Why the hell would she show any affection for me if she's in love with some other guy? Is she torn between 2 people? Is it a game? The last time I opened up to a girl like this (2 years ago), we were close at the movie. The next day she decided it was a bad time in her life. Whenever people tear up my insides, I almost always get vicious and cut them out of my life. I can't help it. But I don't want to do it again. I haven't experienced that feeling in 2 years, and I don't really want to botch this up again, although I fear I already have. As a last thing to say, she is manic depressive, incase anyone has had a relationship with someone who is. She's the first person I've ever really been friends with who is.

[Shidoshi]

I explained how I really felt, and how holding her in my arms makes me feel.

I'd say your trouble started after this. You kind of spilled your guts about how you felt and that usually isn't a good idea when you first start dating someone.

She says she has that affect on people. I asked her how she felt...and she said that whenever people hold her in their arms, she feels suffocated. She also told me she's been in love with a guy for a long time, but he hates her. She suddenly has to "go". (This short chat took place on AIM)

 

Based on this response I'd say you need to let this one go. Just treat her like a casual friend for now and see if it leads to anything because it's not worth pursuing on your part at this point. I wouldn't worry about "why" she acted this way, just know that you need to carry on instead of analyzing it. It just isn't worth the time or effort. Oh, and if the guy she said she's in love with held her in his arms I gaurantee you she wouldn't feel "suffocated." Don't fall prey to her games.

[naughtycowgirl]

It sounds to me she is kinda of acted like i use to when a guy would open up. When i met this guy who was beyond nice and beatiful. We got to know each other about 3 months. then he countinoulsy asked me out. i would say i love him and everything else but i would not go with him. if i had my guesses she feels all mixed up inside. i would also reject the guy and not talk 4 two- three days then i would talk again. i was sending mixed signals. just either let her go or give her time to rethink what she is missin out on.

[Bene Gesserit541]

Thanks. The problem is I'd qualify as "clingy" to most people, so it'll take me awhile.

[Bene Gesserit541]

(Sorry about the double post) I was thinking about the casual friend thought...I realize that she wouldn't act any differently than she already was. The problem is I don't know if I could stand being just a friend with her, but I hate cutting people out of my life. And I couldn't bear to sit around and wait to see what she does for a few months. I'm too anxious.

 

Also, I did think of a way to deal with this if she brings up this "incident". I think I apologize for being so aggressive, and that I realize that since you don't want to go out with me, but I do, I'll just help you be happy, because that'd be the next best thing to me. (Which it would, not just saying that)

 

Is that a good idea, or not? Assuming she brings it up

[naughtycowgirl]

its sounds good to me. do what you have to

[Shidoshi]

The problem is I don't know if I could stand being just a friend with her, but I hate cutting people out of my life.

You don't HAVE to be her friend. Let her come to you. If she doesn't, then you move on. You don't owe her anything.

And I couldn't bear to sit around and wait to see what she does for a few months. I'm too anxious.

That's just it, you aren't supposed to be "waiting" for anything to happen. You continue on living your life as if you had never even met her. If she warms up to you then you take it from there.

Also, I did think of a way to deal with this if she brings up this "incident". I think I apologize for being so aggressive, and that I realize that since you don't want to go out with me, but I do, I'll just help you be happy, because that'd be the next best thing to me. (Which it would, not just saying that)

 

Is that a good idea, or not? Assuming she brings it up

I actually think that's a terrible idea. It makes you look pretty desperate and I'm sorry, "pathetic." I'm not trying to insult you but you have to know that reacting this way is very unattractive to women. You don't owe her an apology, you didn't do anything wrong. You found out that she doesn't share the same feelings and you leave it at that. Does she care about making YOU happy? Leave this girl be man, it isn't worth the hassle.

[Bene Gesserit541]

I understand that what I did does seem desperate, and is unattractive, but I don't feel like I have to be her friend. I want to. I was the same way with a close friend of mine some time ago, although I didn't act the same. And we were already friends anyway. But I have worked at not thinking about her. I realized that thinking about her actually inhibited what I wanted to do in the past few days. Even though I still like her a lot, it does feel good not to fantasize romances in my mind and all that, since it kept me up later than normal. Thanks for your all your advice, and anymore is also appreciated. I'm not giving up yet though, despite the bit of depression that I've experienced, it's still kind of exhilirating.