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Just can't move forwards/backwards stuck!

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10 years of marriage, 3 young children and I am tired of being alone. For 10 years I have tried to encourage my husband to speak his feelings so I can understand him. He is very, very to himself and I don't know if it is arrogance or truly he has nothing to say. His family has caused deep wounds in our marriage due to their religious beliefs, but he won't stand up for me or his children, little alone himself. I have done the marriage counseling ordeal and 3 different therapists later, he still just sits there at all the sessions and says nothing. I have tried his silence also and not talk at all. Like that did me a whole lot of good, NOT. Now I am completely alone because there is no emotion involved between us. I stay for the kids, but I also know that is not always the best answer. I have even started finding myself getting attracted to other men, just because I want to be seen and heard, which is another whole problem within itself. I found myself in a deep depression which manifested into other issues. Now I am sitting here on the computer desperately seeking answers to my silent marriage. You can only sit and wait for someone to talk to you for only so long. Please understand, I have tried to just listen to anything he does have to say, but nothing about his feelings come forth. When do you walk away, knowing the road is going to be very painful and hard? I am human and want someone to share their feelings with me, their love, their happiness, their failures, their fears. If I stay this way much longer, I am afraid I will go back into another lonely deep depression or start flirting back with other men, which we all know is just inviting more problems. But like I said, I need conversation, not just sex and silence. I feel good about my personality and looks, and feel I am wasting myself and dying inside. My kids are everything to me, but I need positive attention also.

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What was he like when you met? When you were first married? Was this always a problem?


If the answer is yes, then it doesn't sound like he is going to change. However, you could still try to remember what he was like and what attracted you to him to the point of marrying him.


If the answer is no, then can you think of anything significant that has changed that would cause this silence? Is he this way with the kids, too?


Obviously nobody wants to be in a relationship where you don't feel heard or feel any connection. This is unhealthy and not good for anyone. The kids pick up on this stuff and obviously you don't want them growing up thinking this is normal. Kids typically learn what is "normal" from their parents, whether they take it on and mimic it or they do the opposite- it does impact them.

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