Am I an idiot?

[Hopelessness]

Last year I met a man..I was extremely attracted to him but at that point we were both with other people so nothing came of it. January of this year he and I started talking..he said his relationship with the woman he had been with was over and he was moving on, we started dating and moved in together rather quickly in April but after 2 weeks he left me to go back to her..he said he'd felt what we did was wrong and that he still loved her and owed her a fair chance. I let him go and tried to give him his space but within a week he was contacting me again..said he missed me and wanted to try a friendship and that there would be nothing beyond that at that point because he really wanted to try with her, I agreed but within a matter of weeks we were "dating" again and he eventually decided to break it off with her. By june of this year we'd already planned on living together again, he called constantly came to see me everyday and made it very clear I was the love of his life..he constantly told me I was his everything. Well, we got a surprise..I found out I was pregant and although he had always been clear on never wanting anymore children he became very excited and on June 17th we went down and got our marriage license. Everything seemed perfect..sure we had our issues, the way he left me the first time still scared me and I felt insecure so we would bicker about that but I figured that was normal..it takes time to heal and I knew it wouldnt be perfect instantly. Anyway, we moved in together July 1st and although we still had some arguments I believed he would keep his promise..a part of me still knew he had feelings for this other woman but I was also told that it was me he wanted, that he just needed time to forget about the person he'd loved for 3 years. Monday night I found out he was going behind my back with her..discussing getting back together in the future and I snapped..I'm carrying his child and tomorrow was the day our wedding was set for..it's all over now, I've lost him..he admitted to me he was obsessed with her and that a part of him wants to get back with her..in the same breath he also said he really was in love with me and that he did want it to work but that I didn't treat him right because of the fighting..I asked him if this is what he really wanted and he says he doesn't know what he wants. He talks of the possibility of a future with me but also speaks of his great love for her. Since all this happened he seems to have forgotten all about his child I'm carrying..she's more than a little pissed about it and is manipulating him to get rid of me and the baby. He doesnt want contact from me but he's going over to see her..how can anyone be so cruel?

I don't know what to do anymore..I don't understand how someone can beg you to live with them..propose marriage..plan a future together and treat you like you are the world then suddenly turn around and run back to the ex. Maybe I was just an infatuation..or a fling to distract him from his troubles..I just find it hard to believe he could do this twice..leave this woman twice and live with me if that's all I were. Maybe I'm an idiot.

[overtheedge]

Loving someone does not make you an idiot. If anything, he's the idiot for abusing the love you have for him and taking advantage of it. There's not really much advice I can give, especially since there's a child involved. That's what makes this the hardest. On one hand, it would be nearly impossible for you to trust him again but, on the other hand, you're having a child with him. This guy is a jerk.

[Iceman26]

I'll tell you one thing; hes not in love with either of you. Hes in love with himself and his wants/needs. Take him to the cleaners for child support and move on. Good luck.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Hear hear to Iceman's statement. People like this tick me off to no end. In the end, the only person they're in love with or really care about is themselves. Make sure you and the baby will be well taken care off, move on and find someone who will truly love you.

[arwen]

I agree with Iceman as well.

 

I am sorry he put you in this situation. You are now pregnant of his child, that's the most important issue to handle right now. It will be a hard time for you, and I find it hard to find words of comfort for you. I know that (unfortunately) there are more women on the forum in your position. I hope we can help you to get through this hard time.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.