Help me get motivated to dump him.

[catfood]

Hi,

 

So, I've posted previously about my boyfriend. About how he can be totally insensitive and has weird sexual issues that he won't discuss, but that are leading me to believe that he's either definitely not attracted to me, has a madonna/***** complex, or is gay. He refuses to discuss why he doesn't want to ever have sex and lashes out if I try to ask. He doesn't prioritize me, doesn't do "romantic" things, and basically there's not romantic connection with us.

 

But! He's fun, social, has opened me up to a whole, huge group of fun people that I now hang out with. He's loyal, he's fairly successful, and everyone loves him. Being his girlfriend is almost a status thing in our group (not money-wise - that's a whole other issue...I finance more than my share of our activities!).

 

Basically, what I've decided is that I really like the guy, maybe even love him. But am I going to spend the rest of my life with someone who clearly doesn't want to have sex with me and doesn't seem to want to connect with me on an emotional level? No. Since I'm definitely not going to spend my life with him, part of me wants to cut the ties now.

 

Also, all my friends who supported me through him treating me like **** have treated me strangely since I took him back. It's like they don't want to hang out with him, and they respect me less for taking him back. So that's a factor.

 

But that doesn't mean that I don't genuinely enjoy his company now. I just don't see this lasting much longer. And I'd like to be the one to call it off (obviously), and it's becoming more and more clear to me that one of us is going to have to soon.

 

I know I'm kind of all over the place, but help me! Has anyone else broken up with someone for no particular reason? Someone they still care about but realize there's no future with?

[studygirl]

First of all, you have definite reasons for wanting to break up with this guy. I have been in your position, breaking up is never fun, but when you know this is not someone you want to be with why waste anymore of your life? I myself am going through a breakup with someone who is of "high status" and that really means jacks**t if you are not happy. And if people view you differently because of who you are with then what kind of friends are they?

 

I think that you should just be straightforward with him and let him know that you don't think you guys have a future together. I am wary giving too many details, i.e., "you do this..." "you don't do this..." because then he will think that if he just fixes those few problems everything will be hunky dorey. It seems like he has some extreme issues that will haunt you forever if you are with him.

 

Good luck, I know how hard breaking up is!

[bangdaddy]

hey now i'm not a girl , by no means, but i would rather have a guy that loves me and takes care of me and cares about my feelings, than one thats rich and successful.

but thats me and i'm not a girl.

[catfood]

Please let me clarify...the guy's not rich, at all. That's not a factor. I just mean, I live in a fairly small community and he's very well regarded. It's just nice to be with someone who is well known and liked by everyone. I guess. It's just a small factor, but it is something I like about him.

[patience]

be honest with him about your thoughts and feelings out of respect for him

 

it sounds like the two of you are more like friends, rather than lovers, which is fine...maybe this is mutual, perhaps he only wants to be friends as well

 

talk to him in person, not over the phone or through email or texting or IM...answer his questions, and if he needs time alone to process his feelings, give him some space

[lady00]

It's tough. I feel that most breakups are like this in that the both people have positive and negative qualities and it's hard for one to decide to let the other go because they are more bothered by the negative qualities than the positive ones that they see in the other person. Do what your heart tells you...it seems to me that it's telling you to let him go.

[SadnConfused]

Some of that stuff is just strange. I see these posts and think. What the hell? My girlfriend broke up with me and this guy is doing that stuff to another girl and they are still together. I mean she ACTUALLY stays with him? I treated her probably a little too good and this guy.... Whatever. What the hell is going on here !!!