k everyone tell me what you think of this...

[confusedgrl23]

Me and Steve dated for almost two yrs couple yrs ago....we broke up for about a yr and a half because he wanted to be on his own and focus on his career etc.

 

Well we kinda started seeing eachother again every couple weeks for the past 3-4 months. We hook up and have an awsome time together. He says he loves me and is sorry for ever leaving me and that he cares bout me soo much etc.

 

I dont want to just be his hook up buddy, I want a relationship, a true commited relationship WITH HIM. He says although he wants a gf, he dosnt have time due to his busy work schedule.

 

What should I do? should I stick around hoping one day he'll decide to commit, or should I give him an ultimatum. I do know for sure that I dont want to loose him, I truly think that he cares bout me and means it when he says he loves me, but how can I get him to commit without scaring him?

[RayKay]

You have the right to the relationship you want, and he has the right to the one he wants...unfortunately you both don't want the same thing.

 

Hooking up is not the way to get him to commit...I mean what motivation is there for him to do so if he gets it all without having to put anything forth himself? He gets all the "benefits" without any sacrifice on his part. And he keeps his options open. Does he love you...possibly...does he love you enough to think you are worth sharing his life with...it does not sound like it, or else he would WANT you there to share his successes, and even failures, with.

 

If you continue, you are almost bound to get hurt in the long run. If someone loves and values you, they WILL make time for you. I know MANY people who work absolutely insane hours, have to be away often for work in other cities and so on but they make time for the person they love, and ARE committed to them. They don't pass up chance to "keep" the person they love from being taken by someone else. It is all about what one CHOOSES to do, you can still focus on career but make your relationship a priority...Steve does not feel this way apparently.

 

Relationships do take time, but it is more about the quality and the commitment then the actual minutes. I think you need to stop denying what you want (commitment). Even if it means you lose him, it is better you do that then wait 5 years only to find he does not have time for YOU, but found someone he DOES have time for. Or maybe if you stick to it, walk away and stop with the benefits he will have a reality check. It is a risk, but one that in the LONG run will be best for you.

[btbt]

Don't stick around waiting for him to "come around." I've been in many a relationship trying to do this, and it's just agony. I've seen a few instances where it works, and the couple got married, but the dynamics in the marriage are screwy, i.e. the partner who "came around" acts like he's settled or been forced into things. Find a relationship where both of you are on the same page.

[may55]

My advice is to let him go, and soon. I made the mistake of sleeping with my ex and casually getting back together for almost 2 years! It kept me from meeting guys or even being interested in other men. I'd always nit pick something about a guy I met or went on a date with. And secretly it was because I still had feelings for my ex, and my ex was not so ex. And now over 2 years later he is FINALLY an ex. And I am FINALLY getting over it... slowly.

 

So don't make the same mistake! Stop seeing him and focus 100% on moving on with your life or you may wonder where the years went!

 

Bit dramatic, but hope that helps!