a couple of general questions about dating

[sarsapolis6]

Guys, have you become more confident and open to women after dating (successfully and unsuccessfully) a variety of women? What have you learned?

 

Did the majority of your female friendships arose from date encounters a while back that were positive yet didn't lead to anything sexual or romantic? What was it that you did or said that skirted you away from the "friendship zone" with a girl even AFTER she declared, "lets just be friends?" And, why do most girls never bother to answer your calls or emails after she declares that you and her must become friends?

 

Finally, I have a date on Friday but the cheif thing that I have issues with is self-disclosure. I visited a dating website (maybe it was E Harmony) which allowed you to put down alot of "attractive" information about yourself, and I was thinking of using that as a template. Or, going to a MySpace website. In any case, I am writing things about myself that I can mention verbally. Have any of you done this?

[heloladies21]

Friend, I have sent you a private message.

[gersanos]

Guys, have you become more confident and open to women after dating (successfully and unsuccessfully) a variety of women?

 

God yes. First girl I ever talked with I was stumped and managed to squeeze out a measly "hi" and nothing else. Now I can walk up to a girl and just make a conversation. They are people too, they don't bite, well sometimes they don't. Just make small talk about any non-serious topic and get her to laugh, next thing you know she thinks you're pretty cute.

 

What have you learned?

 

Too many things to post.

 

Did the majority of your female friendships arose from date encounters a while back that were positive yet didn't lead to anything sexual or romantic?

 

Yes, these were girls that were interested in me, but I was not interested in them. They never declared there interest or anything like that, but after getting a close friendship going they told me that when they first met me they were thinking "wow." Nothing happened afterwards because it's not worth losing a great friendship and there were no romantic feelings involved (at least on my part.)

 

My very best friend is a girl that had a crush on me back in high school, we kissed one night, and the next day I apologized and said I was thinking with my other head, and just want to be friends. Sorry, but I don't want to lead you on. We didn't speak for a year because she was crushed. We've been close for years, and nobody knows me better than her. We go to each other for advice all the time, and are completely open about anything and everything. We joke around about being surrogate boyfriend and girlfriend. She has been with her current boyfriend for 5 years now and they plan on getting married within the next couple of years. She even admits how "crazy" she was back then when she had a crush on me.

 

Never have I stayed friends with a girl that I was involved with seriously. But girls that we're small flings we stay civil with one another, catch up when we see each other, but never call one another. Not so much out of bad blood but because there is absolutely nothing between us whatsoever.

 

What was it that you did or said that skirted you away from the "friendship zone" with a girl even AFTER she declared, "lets just be friends?

 

Tell her that you have plenty of friends and never go out of your way to talk or see her. Take it as a valuable lesson, and don't repeat the same mistake(s) with the next girl you meet.

 

Only one girl has ever given me the friends line, and even said I'm her best friend and all that jazz during a critical period in my life. I rejected friendship because I was hurt pretty bad because I needed her in my life at that time but she walked. Man, when I said no to friends you should have seen her reaction. Never have I ever seen her that upset the entire time I knew her. Anger was flaring from her nostrils. Guess she didn't think I'd be the one to really drive the nail in the coffin?

 

The biggest lesson I learned from that girl was humility. I was well overdue for some because I had a bit of an ego problem and way too much pride.

 

And, why do most girls never bother to answer your calls or emails after she declares that you and her must become friends?

 

Zero interest in you, your life, and anything that involves you. It's said to relieve guilt and make her not look like the bad guy because she tried to be friends with you. Anyone that askes her what happened between you two she'll claim that she doesn't think it's meant to be because you didn't want to be friends and she tried. She'll never tell anyone why you two really broke up except her friends. The answer will be school, job, etc. In a few instances will she say you were an "[censored]." The other answer she'll give is "he's a nice guy, but it just wasn't meant to be." Basically she thinks you're a loser, aka not a man, aka not feeling you. Learn from the experience and then forget her.

 

Have any of you done this?

 

Don't think I ever have. I don't recommend you try to memorize it and just read that off, but using it as suggestions I guess might help in some way to ease things up a bit. I just go with the flow on a date. Smile, have a few great conversations about non-serious topics (i.e., no politics, no religion, etc.), laugh a lot, make her laugh a lot, create some tension, tease her a bit, and when it comes time to go, you'll know whether to kiss or not, or just when things are done for the night, just say I had a great time, have a good night, and it just may get her to initiate something.

 

Best of luck to you.

[sarsapolis6]

wow, good advice, but I have a question about humor.

 

WHY IS IT SO CHALLENGING TO MAKE A GIRL LAUGH?

[gersanos]

WHY IS IT SO CHALLENGING TO MAKE A GIRL LAUGH?

 

It's really not, but, it comes with practice. First few times I started speaking with girls it was tough because I was way too self-conscious and concerned with making a good impression.

 

Now I know I will make a good impression, I have the confidence to view it that way. And if she isn't laughing or what not, then I don't take it personally. At first I would, but now I look at her as just a bore, so move onto someone that will find you funny.

 

Not every girl will be receptive to your advances. Some may not find you all that attractive, others might just get turned off when you open your mouth. But practice is what helps. Crack some light-hearted jokes, be witty, tease her at times, etc., the laughter will come if: 1) She finds you attractive and/or 2) She feels a connection with you.

 

Best of luck.