Confused

[elaheh]

I am in a very confusing "relationship" and really need advice. I lived overseas for four years and was in a relationship with a really wonderful person. While together him & I never had any problems and got on great. Recently I moved and he now resents me for this. The first month or so after I left we would talk everyday. We always had the understanding that later down the road we would be together again. He had told me on many occasions that he knows someday we will have a beautiful relationship, to remain optimistic because nobody knows what the future holds. But, a few days ago he sent me this email and now I do not know what he is trying to tell. I miss him dearly and know that he is the right person for me. I have tried talking with close friends, however the majority of them are sad to say very promiscuous and do not understand my situation. They just tell me to replace him and distract myself, but that is not going to fill my void. Can anyone please give me some advise? Should I move on or hold out hope that things will work out in the future? Below is a copy of the email he sent. any help is greatly appreciated.

 

Elaheh I hate the fact that in my life there has been one woman that

have affected me this way. I feel like I could have been with you forever. I return to the civilian sector next year with more of an understanding of what life is about. I still have years of learning in front of me but I know I will succeed in whatever business I decided to jump into. I want you to understand that you made me feel so good when we were together that I was scared. Not because of anything you did, but knowing you were leaving me. The only woman in my life that when I touched you I felt something special, really beautiful. The night we sat outside on the balcony at the hotel holding each other there was this feeling I cant explain. I will never truly get over you because as you may know I hate not being in control of my life. I wanted you, I still miss you, and I hate you for making me fall so deeply in love with you I want you back so bad IT KILLS ME. I wish you the best in life. I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU. I am sorry, but I know you are sorry too. Stay in touch and I will ok the phone calls hurt so much so stick to emails I want to write to you .

 

Love,

T

[DN]

Why did you move, was there any agreement about remaining exclusive, and was a time frame given for when you were to get back together?

 

It seems from his message that he loves you very much but doesn't want to be alone. The answers to the above questions might help clarify what he is thinking.

[elaheh]

I was in the military and it was my time to leave, it was a situation I had no control over as he well knows because he is in the military as well. His enlistment is up in October of next year at which time he plans to move to London.

 

He had expressed his fear of being alone at the beginning of our relationship, but I thought that those fears had passes as they were never mentioned again.

 

Thank you so much for your response

[DN]

So, it seems the relationship is very much, 'maybe, perhaps, at some time in the future'.

 

Is that what he is upset about. do you think. The fact that there are no concrete plans to get back together, or even try a long distance relationship with a view to being physically together as soon as possible?

[elaheh]

That is the problem, I do not know what he is upset about and refuses to talk about it. There were never "concrete" plans. But, I always thought that the fact of him loving me and me loving him would keep our relationship strong. I was going to go back to visit in October, but now he is making it seem like he does not even want that. I am toattly willing to do the whole long distance realtionship and remain completely faithful to him in the process. The whole "keep in touch" thing he said has led me to believe that it may just be over now. He does not even want to talk over the telephone anymore...only emails and it takes him at least a few days to respond in some cases.

 

My honest feelings are he wants to go out and explore other women and not feel guilty about it. But, at the same time use me as a crutch...basically keep his options open, but not lose me in the process. He knows he has the upper hand in the situation and is taking advantage of it.

[DN]

I think you should e-mail him and ask him what he wants and expects. But make sure you know what you want and expect as well.

 

Don't assume you know what he wants. There could be other reasons for him acting like this, including putting pressure on you to get together somehow much sooner than you have in mind. Saying "it hurts to talk on the phone" does not sound like someone wanting to see other women as his prime motivation. But that could just be a blind.

 

To get the information you want - go to the source. Ask him - and insist on straightforward answers.

[elaheh]

I will do that. Thank you so much again