Still cant cope....Bad day today

[stickman]

I feel so empty. I cant focus at all. I had to write today to hear from you all. My friends are tired of my miserable attitude by now.

 

It's been 4 long months since my girlfriend shattered my heart after a 4 ½ year relationship. I have spoken to many of you about my plight. Long story short, I left my marriage to be with her….thought she was everything I wanted…..but not what I needed in hindsight I guess. She was my fantasy girl and I did love her so very much.

 

The Exgf has moved on with another guy. (The exwife has forgiven me and moved on as well) About a month ago I had contact with the exgf on a Monday and Tuesday for 5 hours each day till past midnight. (I had to get my last remaining stuff from her place) It was like old times. We had fun, drank, talked about the past fun times and hugged at the end of the night. Seemed like maybe there was a chance. No mentioned of US or getting back because I knew she was still seeing HIM (the new guy). I got false hopes.

 

The ups and downs were leveling off. I got a new place, I had started to eat again, sleep again, focused on hobbies, more quality time with family, exercising, running, and even been on several dates. But here's the thing, after each date I was so very depressed the next day….even when I had a great time. (I even had sex for first time in 4 months. The woman thought I was incredible. I thought I would feel better after I did that. I felt worse!) It's not like I am an ugly guy. Skinny now yes.

 

The hardest part is knowing that I am stronger than this crap. I have so much going for me too!! I cant believe that I am still feeling so down and depressed and sorry for myself. So hard to move on. This spring and summer have been but a blur. I just want to fast forward to next year and heal.

 

To make matters worse, my dad is dieing of cancer and is once again in the hospital. My mom and dad were selling their house to move in to one down by my sister and now it looks like the house selling deal is falling through. My mom is dealing with all her stuff and worries about me. My job is suffering. I have over 30 people that report to me and depend on me. I am the boss! I have been here for almost 10 years and I don't care anymore.

 

I have never been this down for this long in all of my years on this planet. After 4 months I have no direction. No passion. I'm bored. I am just stuck in a rut…..once again. I pray for help. I have read tons of books. They have helped. Everyone who knows me knows that I am better off without her. I should be mad, or at least deal with the fact that she has moved on and I should let go of the past…but it's hard. I got rid of the pictures of her a long time ago. That helped too.

 

Why do I still think about her? Why do I compare all the woman to her? Why do I feel I will never love again? Why cant I just move on?

[urbangentleman]

Hey there my friend, i feel for you, and this is going to be harsh, put print it out post it on your fridge and read it everyday....why, because it's the cold hard truth.I still have my days, but you have to get back on top of the game at somepoint,....as to when that happens , well only ourselves can make that decision.The world isnt going to stop moving, so why are you.

 

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this - when people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The Bible said that, "they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us."

 

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can' t get super glue and you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when peoples part in your story is over so that you don t keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know what ever some higher power means for me to have he'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go.

 

 

Take care regards

 

Urban. (PS i hope this helps)

[stickman]

Thanks guy.

I have thought about letting her go and thought I had. Thought I was more at peace knowing that I was better off because overall I do feel better. I have learned so very much about myself that I never knew! I have grown as a person.

 

Then, the doubts kick back in. It's hard some days. Like today I guess.

 

Any other thoughts of any kind are appreciated in-advance. Let me hear what you are going through.

 

How does that go?.......If each of us put our problems in to a pile and had to pick one out......after hearing them all, we'd go back in and pick out own?

[Echo]

Hi Stickman...I'm really sorry you're feeling so down. You sound like like you've taken the neccesary steps to heal, but unforunately, there's no specific "timaetable" for that. I'd say after a 4 1/2 relationship...to expect to be over her in four months is asking a lot. Don't force yourself to "get over' her....let yourself feel the pain...I think you're being really hard on yourself. Just allow yourself to grieve, cry...whatever it takes. You are mourning a major loss in your life, so please don't beat yourself up.

I read a book recently..."How to break your addiction to a person"...and it was pretty good. Basically the book says we are attracted to certain types of people and feel "addicted" to them, even if they are bad for us, because somehow that person represents someone from our past (when we were very small) and we are trying to recreate that relationship, and try to control things we were unable to when we were small and helpless.

Not sure if that book would pertain to you, but I am sure it pertains to everyone on some level.

Anyway....I hope you're feeling better. Hang in there.

[questionable]

hi, this is my first post. sounds like you have alot on your plate!

 

It's weird to see some of the background that comes from those who are struggling to let go. I have fallen for someone hard, but unfortunately they are still hooked on someone else even after 5 years have passed since their break up.

 

They dodn't have any contact with each other, and it pulls my heart strings when they tell me they want to move on, but they are still hung up on someone, and don't know how to get past it because they are definitely interesed in you, and don't want to let go.. but can't seem to take the next step.

 

I'm afraid i don't have much advice to empart, but i am interested to know how you go through this stage, and maybe help someone else going through the sililar thing.

 

Good luck, and best wishes, I hope you don't miss out on too much (new love/soul mate??who knows) while you're stuck thinking about someone else.

[stickman]

Just when I thought it couldnt get worse, she emailed me yesterday. She initiated. Of cuorse like a dolt, I emailed back and even made the stupid mistake of asking how she's doing.

 

She proceeds to tell me how great her life is. How she's doing better at the job she hates, paying off her bills and she's learning to play golf....I guess with him! I lost it. I crashed hard. She asked how I was doing. I never responded. I'm so weak.

 

If she is truley moving on with her life, why does she care how I'm doing? She broke up with me. I thought I could handle a friendship. It's obvious that I cant right now. I will have to block her emails I guess. NO contact help me to heal. She is so toxic to my heart.

 

Another day....I'm still in so much pain. She's dumped me. She has a guy....why cant I just let go and forget about her?

[Miss Keisha]

Stickman

 

Seems to me like there is a part of you that is living in the hope that she is going to want to get back with you, I guess what you have to do is to be open with yourself, and start from the top. You have to analyse what YOU have to do. In this instance, seeing as she is seeing someone else and it has been 4 months, i think it is only accurate in saying that she is not entertaining any thoughts of getting back to you, but because she is keeping in touch she wants to make sure that you still want her, which is good for her ego, and by quickly jumping to her beck and call and letting her know that youare so keen on what is happening in her life, you are setting yourself up for a more painful fall. Just let go, and stop obsessing oabout her so much. Time heals all wounds, but on the condition that you do not concentrate much on that wound. Get a grip and move on, and get yourself someone else. Stop feeling guilty for moving on cause I gather that is what is happening here. MOVE ON!!!!!!!