Did I did something wrong??? ("fight" with GF)

[Süsser Tod]

I get out of work at 8, I got to my house around 9pm. My GF at that time is at school (summer class).

 

She called at 9:25:

 

She- Do you want to see me today?

Me- Yes, why?

She- As you didn't called me I thought you didn't wante to spend time with me.

 

Well, she came to my house (my house and her school are very close, her house is very far away).

 

When she came:

 

Me - What do you want to do?

She - I want to have fun!

Me - What do you mean by having fun?

She - In this case I'd like to go to a bar and have a beer.

Me - But you can't you are taking antibiotics.

She - Well, yes, and I have to get home at 11 as I have to take the pills.

Me - So what you want to do?

She - Something like that.

Me - But its Monday, it would be fine on Thursday, Friday or weekend, but Monday?

 

I don't think Monday is kind of the best day to go partying as, well, it is Monday, there is still most of the week ahead, and starting the week lacking sleep is not my idea of a good week start.

 

But well, that made it for her. "She felt insulted and that hurt her a lot", that is exactly how she told me she felt.

 

So I told her that maybe it would be better to see he another day.

 

She just stood there shaking her head, getting more and more upset and finally she left!

 

But not before saying "Excuse me for bothering you and making you go out of your bedroom"

 

I can't do anything without her going mad at me! She either thinks that everything I do is to bother, control or try to change her mind, or that I'm just too boring.

 

Well, yes, I think that maybe having a cup of cofee plus a walk in the park or something like that would be good for a Monday, but no, she wanted to go to a bar or something like that.

 

 

Am I plain wrong or what is going on???

[melrich]

She- Do you want to see me today?

Me- Yes, why?

She- As you didn't called me I thought you didn't wante to spend time with me.

 

 

How many times is that conversation repeated around the world every day!!

 

I have to tell you that people who think like that are my least favorite people. Like they expect your every word and every action to have something to do with them. Not that you didn't call because you were too busy or anything else but the reason you didn't call had to do with them.

 

Susser...unfortunately this is her personality type and she is always going to be "mad" at you because nothing you do will ever be right or meet her expectations. Either learn to live with it or get out of it.

[lifeiscash]

I don't think that you are wrong, if that is something that you really don't want to do then I don't see it as a big deal. But then again you could have went along with her and that doesn't mean you would have to drink alcohol... just enjoy her company. Sounded like she wanted to spend time with you while going out and having a drink and being social... I don't see anything wrong with that either.. if I didn't have an 8 o'clock class in the morning, I would be out doing the same!

[OceanEyes]

I can tell right now without further explanation that your girlfriend is getting bored - big time! By the way you've described the situation, she needs more than what you're giving her and wants you to be more spontaneous and fun; up for anything, so-to-speak.

 

I can understand that you probably need to be up on your sleep, but she's letting you know (in a very obvious way) that she would like things to be a bit more exciting in your relationship. If you can't give that to her, fine, but you should probably tell her that.

 

I see where this is going, and if you're more into 'turning in early' and having a jumpstart on the week and she is more into going to bars and socializing, you have a major compatibility issue on your hands. I think it would be wise to decide whether or not you can give her what she needs.

[lady00]

 

She - In this case I'd like to go to a bar and have a beer.

Me - But you can't you are taking antibiotics.

She - Well, yes, and I have to get home at 11 as I have to take the pills.

 

I don't get this...she is on antibiotics but wanted to go out to a bar and get a beer? That could be harmful.

[Apple]

I suggest you think of something romantic, possibly in a social situation where she can feel like she is getting her social needs met.

Sounds like she wants to hang out of the house more and she wants you to come along but she's already begun thinking that may not be the type of thing you like so she doesnt know how to that that is something she will need in order to feel like she is satisfied in the relationship...or at least that's what it sounds like...sometimes people just have a hard time saying what they need. but i think you'd better squash her doubts if you want her to find satisfaction in your social skills. She likes you but she really wants to see you both able to go out and do things so she wont have to do them alone.

[lady00]

I don't get this...she is on antibiotics but wanted to go out to a bar and get a beer? That could be harmful.

 

Harmful and fun too

 

Not if she has a bad reaction. I meant that you're not supposed to consume alcohol while on antibiotics. It can be harmful to your health.

[Süsser Tod]

Lets see, tomorrow (and everyday for that matter) I have to wake up at least at 8am, to go to the gym, then come home, take a shower and go to the office.

 

Going out everyday to have fun may be nice if you don't have a job and don't have to meet an schedule every day. If you only have to go to school on the afternoons, go for it!

 

But what does she expects me to do, to go partying everyday and forget about work?

 

I'm feeling she is only considering what she wants to do, and not trying to reach a medium point that makes both of us happy.

[lady00]

Lets see, tomorrow (and everyday for that matter) I have to wake up at least at 8am, to go to the gym, then come home, take a shower and go to the office.

 

Going out everyday to have fun may be nice if you don't have a job and don't have to meet an schedule every day. If you only have to go to school on the afternoons, go for it!

 

But what does she expects me to do, to go partying everyday and forget about work?

 

I'm feeling she is only considering what she wants to do, and not trying to reach a medium point that makes both of us happy.

 

I see where you are coming from. I am not one to go out partying regularly on a weeknight unless I'm on vacation, so I definitely understand...but every once in a while I might do something out of the ordinary and go out on a weeknight just to change things up. You could stay out until midnight or maybe even 1 a.m. and still get a decent amount of sleep and wake up at 8 in the morning. I'm not saying that's a good plan for every night...I'm just saying that once in a while it should be fine, it shouldn't mess with your schedule too much. Reaching a happy medium requires both of you to compromise. She has to be understanding that you have a schedule to keep and that you need to be alert and awake at 8 a.m. and you also have to keep in mind that she needs a little spontaneity and a little fun every now and then, even if it's not the weekend.

[btbt]

From what you've written, sounds like your girlfriend wasn't being very considerate. However, is this a pattern -- is she usually up for going out and you are too tired. If the latter, then both of you need to compromise. If this is a fluke occurrence, she'll get over it.

[heloladies21]

Dude, she can either accept you for who you are or she can take a hike. You are not a circus and here just for her entertainment and you're not here to bow to her every request. You were right and she's wrong. Nothing else needs to be said.

[Süsser Tod]

heloladies, I think you are right on.

 

We had a long breakup, and one thing we agreed on is to go out more often. While we were separated she started partying and liked it.

 

I'm not a party guy, but I'm trying my best, as I know it is good for me also.

 

 

What is a pattern is that she'll always find somethign to get mad about!

 

Last week I barely spent time with my parents. For the record, she hadn't spent not even a minute at my house after we got back, before we used to spend most of the time here, and she got fed of it.

Well, I told her that I wanted to spend some time with my parents on Sunday, so I asked her if she would like to play domino with them.

 

I told her this on Saturday night, well, as it was expected, she got mad and I can perfectly remember her answer "I don't want to spend the whole weekend at your house!"

 

What? Sorry, but she hadn't stepped into my house for more than two months, and she comes up with that?

 

That is just an example of how, always, she finds something to get mad about...

[Süsser Tod]

By now I'm almost banging my head on the wall.

 

I can't remember why the h*ck I worked so hard to get back with her, just to get all this... this... you know...

 

Yes, we didn't went out on the weekend, but she was extremely sick (got a really bad infection on her throat), and I spent Friday and Saturday nights at her house, watching a movie so she wouldn't go out for her to get well soon...

 

And now she comes up with that "I want to have fun as I didn't went out during the weekend"...

 

 

Now I can't help but think "What was I thinking when I thought I wanted her back!!??"

 

 

We are back to what things used to be, she getting mad all the time for whatever reason.

[heloladies21]

Friend, I think you deserve better than this. In my opinion, girls who act like this can stay single.

[OceanEyes]

Friend, I think you deserve better than this. In my opinion, girls who act like this can stay single.

 

I honestly think that she's just bored and needs to mingle a little bit. She is still young, and it doesn't seem like she's asking to be carted around the city every night of the week. Requesting to be taken out once in a while is not high-maintenance. I just don't feel that it's fair to judge people based on how they want to spend their weekends; some people are home-bodies, and some would rather kick up their heels in a club. Why does one have to be better than the other? There are many ways of doing things.

 

I know plenty of couples who are very busy, yet still make time to get out of the house and do things on a regular basis. I think this particular case is just a compatibility issue. You both seem to need different things out of life. I can also understand your need to spend time with family, but I wouldn't want to spend a weekend with my boyfriend's parents either if I really just needed some time to get out and have some fun.

 

Süsser, why don't you try encouraging her (in a nice way, not sarcastically) that she gets out of the house and does things with friends? Some people really need that social interaction or they start feeling lonely and depressed. I don't feel that, from what you've said here, that this is a personal attack on you, or that she's looking for reasons to get mad at you. Then again, there may be much more to the story.

 

You two seem to need a really good heart-to-heart talk. You might be surprised at what you learn about a person when you really listen to them and care what they have to say. It's understandable that you have needs and responsibilities, nobody is denying that. But on the other hand, she has needs to and might think that you don't care enough about them to make an effort. There is a good chance that she's misunderstanding your intentions.

[lady00]

I agree with OceanEyes BUT if you're so down on the relationship then I think you should just end it. Clearly, neither of you is happy with the situation so why bother?

[Iceman26]

Friend, I think you deserve better than this. In my opinion, girls who act like this can stay single.

 

Bingo.

 

Sounds like you need to meet someone more mature and leave her to the party scene, what a nightmare.

 

If she wants to go out and party all the time, she really should be single. You have priorities and responsibilities, and they are different from her party schedule.