Jump to content

I need help, has anyone else felt this way?

Recommended Posts

I'm beginning to think I have some sort of anger management problem. Although I'm not sure. I have mentioned it to a councellor before but they didn't seem to dwell too much on what I had to say and give me an answer either way. Also I'm not here to try and fill in the void that the councellor didn't fill either, I just rather see if people can relate, and perhaps give advice as to how they coped.


To give an example, some days something negative could happen to me and I would take it in my stride. It would annoy me, but I wouldn't lose control. Then on another day depending on how I was feeling at the time it could send me off in to a fit of rage where I would say things to other people that I usually wouldn't say. Things that were on my mind that I shouldn't really say to those people about them and really hurt their feelings. To give an example, I am finding it pretty hard at work at the moment, I have close relatives that are quite ill which I occasionally look after solely. I have a girlfriend who is feeling generally down at the moment because she is currently unemployed, but is soon returning to college as a grad student, but I believe is generally bored. Today she showed me a picture of a sports car which I gave her that she liked. She scanned the photo and using photoshop put her lying seductively accross the bonet with the caption "hello boys". Now I did in the past have a problem with jealously which developed while I was going out with this girl. We're going out about one year and a few months now. We're both in our 20s. I have improved significantly in that department and don't feel like I have any reason not to trust her or anything but tonight I exploded. By explode I don't mean I shouted or anything I was able to restrain myself from doing that. But I made her feel pretty bad suggesting that she was looking for attention from other guys, and the reason why she recently wanted to lose weight is because she is looking for attention from other guys. Now I know this isn't true, now that I've calmed down, but earlier when I was filled with rage I couldn't help all this from coming out of me. A lot of these explosive episodes usually end up upsetting my girlfriend. Sometimes she can do something that will be the straw that breaks the camels back, which she will later appologise for, but during my fit of rage she will just be upset and angry with me. If she has done something wrong it's only afterwards when I'm appologising, she will too.


I can only describe my state of mind as a destructive downward spiral. It goes from bad to worse before it gets better. I mean when someone tries to reason with me I seem to find cracks in what they're saying throw it back in their face and generally find it very hard to trust them. Then later I tend to calm down and feel so much regret.


Last week I got angry with my girlfriend in the middle of the night and punched the bedroom wall very hard because I felt so angry and frustrated in my head. She got very scared and never saw me that angry before and nearly broke up with me on the spot. She thought that if I was capable of doing that then I was capable of physically hurting her. I've never got in to a fight in my life, and I despise abusive husbands, so I felt extremely upset when I saw my girlfriend was considering me as a candidate for that group. I regret punching that wall and I am sorry for doing it, but I felt so cheated and so used and see things that don't exist. An example would be when i'm in that state of mind, my girlfriend could be talking with my best mate, and I'd think she's flirting with him instead of just talking to him.


I try and take deep breaths and walk away from situations where I feel like I'm going to explode. But for the most part I can't seem to do it or the people involved will not appreciate my new mental state and make it difficult for me to leave. I don't mean run away from the problem, but just give me time to calm down and think rationally.


She just called me while writing this to say she's sorry for earlier too, but still by the tone of her voice she wishes I could just sort my head out (she didn't say it, but I know she means it). I wish I could too. I do think my problem is hereditary because the same thing happens my own mother. If she explodes and gets angry/upset then all the small things that didnt' bother her before, now become big and she freaks out. Its only in more recently times when I've noticed this in myself and can see it in her too.


Is there any exercises that I could try to help relieve the stress in my head from building up to the point where I feel like I'm going to explode.


So far I've tried getting fresh air, going for walks, using lavender, getting sleep and eating as best I can.


Sorry for the long post. Any suggestions at all would be grately appreciated. My girlfriend doesn't deserve to be going out with a guy that can't control himself from time to time. I must point out that causing her physicaly harm has never even crossed my mind while at my worst state. I've never had to restrain myself from hitting her or anything like that, is more the things I say, than what I do.


Thank you

Link to comment

Hey man, I know what youre goin' thru. I too belong to the club. I am getting better controlling my anger, but not cured.. not sure theres a cure.

The difference between you and I is "the jealousy" or insecurity as it really is. Be very carefull with this type. it can be self-destructive. What I

can recommend you is time with an anger management group. there youll be able to express how you feel inside and you will get (hopefully)

to the root of the problem thus better controlling your ANGER....

Another thing that helps me is SEX with my wife..., deep breathing , and most important my 19 month old daughter. She is changing me for the better. ... and finally JAIL. I spent 5 nigths in jail for aggravated assault,.

A police record, embarrasment., fines, and almost lost my wife and kid.

Its not worth it . Pray a lot. Good luck!

Link to comment

My ex was almost the same way, but for long periods of time.


She would be normal for weeks or so, but when she got really stressed out she would yell and throw things and be very hurtfull twoard those around her.


It was like a defense mechanism for her, a shield she would put up where she would be so angry so she could block everyone out.


She did take some anger management classes, that would be my suggestion to you, they seemed to help a bit, but I think it's something you also have to keep up with, not something you went to once, but something you have to continually practice to change your behavior.

Link to comment

That sounds like a Maniac episode, and the trigger seems to be stress...



It looks to me that you are holding too much stuff in yourself! You have to find a constructive way to let all that anger/stress out!



Do you have any recreational ideas?



For example, I ride motorcycles. You don't know how relaxing it is for me to go for a LONG ride, just my bike, the road, the wind and me. I'm alone with my thoughts, so I have a place where it is just me, and I can think about my problems, things I have to do and the situations I have to deal with.


That helps me get rid of some stress...


Another thing that helps me is the gym. I release a lot of energy there, also it makes me feel better about myself, and when I get home I'm more relaxed and I sleep like a baby!



Find a constructive way to release all that energy, keeping it trapped will only cause these "explosions" and is extremely destructive, as, as you already know, in these "maniac episodes" you can do stuff you'll regret for a long time.

It also takes a lot of energy, so I get home tir

Link to comment

Yes I think that this is out of control. Seek help if you are ready.


Something I heard once that helped me is to mention it when things bother you. Say a little something every little time something bothers you. Then it won't build up and explode.

Link to comment

I explained the situation as best I can to my girlfriend and she understands. There is a lot of stress in her life at the moment and it's kind of falling on me too, as well as my own problems which I have to deal with. I want to help and support her all I can, but there are times when I feel like I can't take all the pressure. In situations like that I generally flip, or else go somewhere quiet and calm down by telling myself to stop and acknowledge that things could be much worse than they are.


The only wrong thing I've been doing relationship wise lately is 2nd guessing some things that my gf tells me. For example if she tells me about something that happened, time, place, people there, etc, I tend to remember all the little details unconsciously. So if she was to refer to that event later on in conversation and slip up on the little details such as something happened at 10pm instead of 11pm, I would before evening thinking, say "wait a second I thought you said before that it happened at 11pm, not 10pm!!". This really annoys her and she thinks that I'm being paranoid. The only reason i do this is because I've seen her twist stories to other people, all the time. She generally does this to look better in the eyes of others. I suppose I just worry that if she's capable of telling small lies then she's capable of keeping bigger things from me. This is something that I can't talk to her about at all because if I ever criticise her in the slightest then she freaks out and won't even want to see me for days, unless I appologise profusely.


For example yesterday she told me about something that had happened recently. Then about 5mins later this guy she kinda knows came along and she told him too, but this time her story was very different. I was standing right beside her, wondering why in hell didn't she tell him the same thing she told me. At the time I thought she didn't want to look like a fool (in the event that what she heard herself was wrong) because what she had told me was quite a story. She dumbed it down for the guy anyway, but never to the extent where she could be called a liar.


At the moment because she's unemployed, it's like she's hormonal all the time, with gaps here and there where she snaps out of it and genuinely smiles. I gave her some work I was supposed to do recently so she could make a bit of money for herself (she's in a bit of debt). She was grateful for that, but because it doesn't take up too much of her time or bring in a lot of money (few hundred bucks) she tells friends that she hasn't got anything.


Stupid stuff like that gets to me. It's proabably not worth it.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...