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I broke up with my boyfriend about a year ago because he was going to college (I'm a senior in high school). We kind of kept in touch for a while, but I kept getting angry with him and wouldn't talk to him for a while. Five months ago, I just decided to stop talking to him completely because it just seemed to get worse whenever I talked to him. A couple of days ago a friend convinced me that it would be a good idea to start fresh since I haven't talked to him in so long, and to see if I could just start up a friendship again. I gave him a call the other day but he was just about to leave so he said he would call me back later. Unfortunately, I then forgot to turn on my cell phone so there's no way I could know if he called back or not. I'm not sure what to do because I don't want to pester him by calling back repeatedly when it's not like I have something insanely important to say...I only want to have a platonic conversation with him and just see how it is. I'm sure he's moved on, and I haven't really...but, is it better to just give up now and not try to talk to him again? Or should I just try one more time to get in touch with him and see how it goes? Also...is it really bad that after almost a year of separation, I still have feelings for him on and off? Thanks so much.

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Yea its normal to have some of those feelings within you rise above the surface again. I say if there is absolutley no way that there is another chance of you two being together.. then I think it would be useless to put yourself in a sitation where your feelings evolve again. Don't put yourself in a situation where it could cause you harm. If you do believe that something can happen and that is what you really want.. then I say just wait a few days and call him back, if he doesn't answer just leave a message saying, "Just calling to see how things are, wanted to catch up with things and see how you were." I dunno, something like that..

But don't put yourself in a postion where it will only bring you down.

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Hey there...


If you have read "The RulesII..there is a chapter in there about

second chances with an ex...I'll post some of it...


If you are someone who read the Rules and thought "If only I had done the 'Rules" on my OLD boyfriend!! or "So THAT'S why he wouldn't commit"....you may not have seen him in months or even years, but now you're convinced he could ahve been the "One". You didn't know any better and you blew it....If only you had known the Rules back THEN!!

You want him back. At the very least you want to give the relationship a

second chance. You're wonering if there's any hope. You want to know what to do next, if anything.

Before you make a move,take a deep breath, calm down, and forgive yourself. Realize what you're going through is very common...regretting the past,wishing you had behaved diferently with a certain man, thinking he's the one that got away and you'll never meet anyone better.

Can you get him back? It depends. If you initiated the relationship first...spoke to him first and he evenually ended it, then it's not only over it was never meant to be! Don't call him or write him or try to contact him in any way to say you've changed and want a second chance.He didn't really want you in the first place. forget him and move on!!

But if he pursued you and you broke the rules..for expample you were possessive and he felt suffocated there may be hope. There's one way to find out we call it "One Call For Closure".

Call him ONCE when you're sure he's not home, so you can get his machine. Calling him when he's not in is CRUCIAL; you don't want to make him uncomfortable if he doesn't want to hear from you or is involved with someone else or even married. Leaving a message also allows him the chance to call you if and when HE wants to, which is the best start for any conversation bewtween you. Your message gives him time to think and the option of not calling, which you must give him. Of course if his machine says "We're not home right now" and you hear a womans voice chiming in, do not leave a message. Leave him alone and go on with your life.

Assuming he's not involved with someone, we suggest you leave the following message.."Hi it's______ I just wanted to say hello and see how you're doing. You can reach me at (phone number, email). That's it!!!

If you don't hear from him it's over. Don't call again to make sure he got the message. He got the message. His machhine isn;t broken.

If he does call, don't automatically assume he's rekindling the romance. He might just be returning your call, being polite. Nothing deep. So try not to get too excited or show how happy you are to hear from him. Be cool and cordial..say "Oh hi, how are you"? Don't say "I was hoping you'd call". Keep it light and casual. Don;t ask if he misses you or thinks about you. After ten minutes end the phone call politely. Don't stay on the phone hoping he'll ask you out ...if he doesnt ask you out within ten minutes, he's not interested. Remember, if he is interested he can always call you back.


Hope that helped!!

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