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Realizing he is gone

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I lost someone who was like a little brother. He was in the marching band with me. I mean there were times when I just wanted to make him run laps but there were times when I just had to smile. He always had a smile on his face. He was only 14 when he died. April 4, 2005. Well marching camp is coming up in a few weeks. It hasn't really hit me that he is gone. I still think he'll be there. I'm scared that I will click in during camp. Or a game. Or worse at a competition. My question is, what do if it clicks during practice? I mean I am a senior and I am expected to not let stuff get to me, especially during practice and games and stuff. Or am I just over reacting and I need to buck up? I just don't want to have a nervous breakdown in front of everyone.

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No one is going to expect you to pretend it never happened, and no one is going to think any less of you if you do break down. Being a senior doesnt make you immune to emotion. Have a quiet word with your coach and explain to him whats happening so if he thinks things are looking like they are getting to you, he can call you off and maybe save some face. It's not going to be easy, but just dont keep it all to yourself and you should be able to get though. Keping things bottled up and trying to ignore them never works.

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