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Girlfriend of five yrs left me about 2 weeks ago. Heres a very quick recap of the situation(read my other posts if you'd like more detail)


Shes 21 I'm 23. She likes to go out to the bars or clubs 3-5 days a week. Shes very attractive outgoing and is friends with many good looking guys(from what shes tells me) that I have never met. Nonetheless her going out so often without me caused alot of worry and the worrying led to petty fighting between us that eventually drove us apart. We've broke up quite a few times, usaully only for a day or two and once for approx. 2months. It's been about 2-3 weeks this time. We both deeply love eachother but the lack of trust and petty fights have become to much.


After being apart for about a week I decided staying in contact was making me feel far to depressed and I need to cut contact completely. This tuesday I stopped calling and answering any of her calls, I didnt tell her I just stopped.


Heres were I'd like you to give me some input is possible.


Starting on Wednesday she was calling approx. 30 times a day, yes 30

Last night she was calling and calling sent me a text messege saying she wants to get back together and so on. Its hard not to answer because you''d think someone calling that often would have strong feelings for you but I had been through this before with doing no contact and having her call and call, just to be shot down once I finally answer.


While today, she was calling and calling over 50 times at least. She found out I was at my moms because she saw my car and came in while I was asleep. Just what I didnt want, since I'm trying to block her out. I asked her why she came and she told me she figured if we saw eachother in person that are feelings would come back. Approx. 5 mins after stopping by she said she had to go meet a few friends (guys that I think she might like) to go to the clubs with)


I was doing really well and still not doing really bad, but after seeing her all dolled up going to party with these guys did set me back.


I'm just so confused why she puts all this effort into getting ahold of me when she really doesnt intend on getting back together with me from what I can tell. She did say that in the future she thinks we might end up back together once we can put the petty fighting behind, but I dought that will happen, what do you think does that type of thing happen often.


Do you think that theres anymore to this than her just wanting to be in control and me not answering makes her feel like shes lost the control. What do you guys think, do you think her feelings are still strong for me, or its all about control and having me there for a fall back.

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Do you think that theres anymore to this than her just wanting to be in control and me not answering makes her feel like shes lost the control. What do you guys think, do you think her feelings are still strong for me, or its all about control and having me there for a fall back.


You're both really young, and while it is exciting to have one's entire life before them like that, it's also very frightening, too. You say she's 21 and you've been together (more or less...) for 5 years....so that would mean she's pretty much just been with you since she was 16ish, right?


Recalling how I was in my early 20's and how I was in the first few break-ups of long term relationships....the way you guys have gone about breaking up is normal. On some level, I'm guessing you both know the relationship is over but you don't have the previous break-up experience to just cut all ties. You're still young and idealistic enough to believe "let's be friends" is a viable option.


For her part, I'm guessing continuing contact and knowing you're sort of there in the background feels like a safety net or security blanket. If her experiementation doesn't work out, she may feel she could come back to you. That's the conclusion I would draw from the actions you've described, and what you say she said about "eventually being together." I'm sure there are people who have had that happen....however, there are a lot more people who didn't ever get back together. Let's put it this way....if we were talking about betting on a horse race, I wouldn't bet on a horse with the kind of odds of you getting back together "eventually."


If you feel that it would be better for you to cease having contact with her, you need to tell her that. If you just disappear like you did, she'll come looking for you -- just like she has. I'm a firm believer in a clean break when it comes to splitting. It will be hard for you to tell her (not ask her --- TELL HER) that you would rather she did not contact you anymore. You need to look out for YOUR best interests here. What is going to help you to feel better and to start healing? That's what you need to do. Stick to your guns and do it. It may make her angry or make her cry, but remember -- she's the one who wanted to start going out with other guys. Nothing wrong with that, but she should have the decency and courtesy not to expect you to wait on the back burner, y'know?


Ultimately, though, it doesn't matter why she keeps calling you...control, safety net, whatever...the bottom line is you need to figure out what YOU want and what would be best for YOU. Then, you have to have enough backbone to clearly & firmly (and, ideally, kindly) communicate that to her and stick to your decision.

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