update

[shorty20]

ok, so for those of you who have been following all my posts, I've had a few communication problems with this guy that I've been seeing. I've been trying to figure it out, but I was only getting more frusterated. Finally, yesturday, I talked to him. I said how he needed to just be upfront and tell me what was going on, because he was acting alot different. I finally got him to talk. All he could tell me at first was "I work all the time. I'm working like 60 hours a week now and blah blah blah" and I just told him basically that that was his choice to work that much. He takes on so many things, and wears himself down doing it. So I said that that wasn't really an excuse... that it dosen't matter to me how much he works, just that he's honest and talks to me about things. He's like well I talk to you as much as I can (thinking that I'm just referring to having regular conversations) I was like no, josh, what i mean is I don't know where I stand with you. You might be ok just leaving everything up in the air, but I'm not. He said "well I'm just a little confused right now still" referring to his Ex that he works with (which dosen't help, since she broke up with him) but they broke up like 5 or 6 months ago, and only went out for 6 months so I can't see why it would take him that long to know what he wants. I told him this... that I wasn't going to wait around for him... and that when he decides what he wants to give me a call.... this may not have been the nicest way to go about getting out what I needed to... but I was just so frusterated... also, when we were talking, I said "you know it's just practically impossible to have a serious conversation with you... it's like I'm trying to pull teeth or something to try and get you to be seriouse for 10 minutes!" and you know what he said? he said "guess what" and I asked him what and he said "chicken butt" ..... i mean, come on... right after I say that he can't be serious he has to say something that stupid, that I'm not frusterated anymore... I'm just mad. So anywayz, I didn't talk to him for the rest of the day, and so I'm figuring he's just going to not call me anymore since I was such a brat, but he does. I went to a friend's for a movie and purposly left my phone at home so no one could get ahold of me... just didn't want to talk to anyone. I get back home, and I have to messages from him. Then I'm online at work (I'm a receptionist, so he knows that I'm online all day) and he IM's me... I just say "hey" and he says "what's wrong? I usually get an excited "Hey!" but today it's only "hey"? so now I don't know what to do. I mean, I don't think he's the type of guy that would string me along if he dosne't have any feelings for me. He said yesturday that he just didn't want me to get hurt, and that's why he was holding back.... but how long should I give him to figure out what he wants?? It's already been a month and a half!!! Maybe once he's done with his internship, and he dosen't have to see his ex every day things will be different??? Should I hold out and keep talking to him through this time? Or just forget about it? I know one thing's for sure, and thats that I'm not going to wait around for this guy and chase him... right now it's more of I talk to him if he initiates....for some reason I'm still kind of mad about yesturday... i hate the fact that I have to push and push to get him to talk about anything... i feel like even if we were to start a relationship, I would have to wear the pants. For me, thats not how I work (i'm more of a skirt type girl anywayz, lol jk) it's just that I need a guy that knows what he wants and goes after it. I know with him, it would be the opposite... he'd do whatever I said. I'd have to make all the decisions and everything... but thats just how it feels now... maybe it woudl be different later on??? After he's not so confused about everything??? I don't know... i just know I could really use some advice on where to go from here.... thanx again for anyone who's read this whole long thing....

[DropToZero]

I'll admit I dont know everything about your situation, but if the guy is working 60 hours a week...that's not an excuse, he's beat to hell right now and the last thing he really needs is someone telling him they're not getting enough attention from him. I myself am tryin to work 50 hours a week right now(besides this one week), and I'm beat, and yea it will affect relationships...it just does, it's not an excuse, I'm just that busy. I have a life outside of girls and if I have to take care of it first, I will, that's my priorities for now. Just take a look at this from his angle for once...maybe try to find out what's goin on thru his head from his point of view instead of yours. You will usually always find out something new when you take a look back at something from a different perspective than your own.

[shorty20]

but the thing is that it's not attention that I want. He calls me more than enough, and has time to see me about twice a week if I wanted to see him.... thats enough for me right now. I have my own life, own friends... you missed the whole point of my post. He just dosen't talk to me about what he's feeling. Dosen't clue me in on where I stand with him. I had to fource it out of him yesturday. It's not attention I want... it's just communication... and I don't know if I should wait it out until he's done with his internship and isn't working so much.... it's only through the summer I think.... then he'll be done with that job, and also be done with seeing his ex every day....

[btbt]

shorty20, people don't usually realize that they are stringing someone along (unless they are really calculating). He has feelings for you but he has to deal with other stuff, so it sounds like what you are getting is the butt end of that stick.

 

How do you make him communicate? You can't. If won't or can't and that is what you need, he is not the person for you. You might think once external circumstances ease up, he'll change but I wouldn't bank on it. Think of the times that you've been incredibly busy but have made time for other people. If you haven't, it's probably because you thought they could wait or were not putting them on the top of the priority list.

[shorty20]

well I just talked to him, and basically told him i was done. I can't be the only communicator. I can't be in a relationship where it feels like everything is fourced... talking, cuddling, everything.... I've never felt that before. It usually comes naturally to me, and I feel at ease, but around him it was just ackward.... he's a great guy... maybe stay friends if he wants, but I won't ever try to be with him again... I'd forgotten the reasons why I broke up with him the first time.... thought that maybe it was because I was young and scared of committment, but it's the fact that he dosn't communicate.... dosen't know how to say what he's thinking, or feeling... but now it's all over with... I told him it was better we were just friends, if that's what he wants, but that I wasn't interested romantically in him at all anymore.... we just need two different things...