Out of the blue........?

[urbangentleman]

Well….Out of the blue I get this email today from my ex…...after 10 weeks?

 

 

She wrote: Hi ****,

 

Thanks for the web address, went on it and signed up...not much but at least it's something...

 

About catching up...I really do think you are a very nice guy but I'm not sure if there's a chance or not of us ever getting back together if that's where you are hoping it will lead. I could spend my whole life getting back with exes but I just don't know if that would be very productive

 

Okay...hope you're doing fine and the business is booming

 

******

 

 

 

 

I'm thinking about sending this response, but I'm not in a hurry to do it.

 

 

 

 

Hi ******,

 

Yes i'm doing well thanks

 

RE : Catching up.....Well this isn't an attempt by me to get back into a relationship with you. I accept that it has ended. I don't have an agenda or any expectations, I just thought and still do, that there isn't any reason between us for us to not to be good friends. I think you know me enough to know i'm not a game player. I enjoy your company, and like and respect you as a person.

 

Let me know what you think?

 

take care

 

****.

 

 

 

This is genuinely how I feel. What are your thoughts on this everybody?

[Sugar-Rush]

Hey Babe!

 

If this is how you truly feel, you should send that E-mail, it sounds very sensible and honest. To many ppl who split up fall out and you can't have too many good friends now can you.

 

Word of advice though, she has made it really clear how she feels, so if you have any hope of getting back with her don't contact her, it'll only hurt you.

 

Take care babe

 

Suga xxx

[Luv_4_Life]

Short and sweet...sounds good to me.

 

Good Luck!

[rilo82]

just reply to say hi. nothing more nothing less. no need for explanations or anything. that should be the end to everything.

[urbangentleman]

thanks guys....sugar...who are things in UK, i hope you and all your friends and loved ones aer ok.

 

Question: Whats with the "not sure bit"?....I'm no longer confused about it, but to me it seems possible she is.she asked for the friendship, so why the not sure comes into it even beats me!

[Sugar-Rush]

Things here are okay, after yesterdays awful loss. Luckily all my friends and family in London are safe and well, my heart goes out to those that aren't tho

 

Maybe she needs to see you to be sure of how she feels, i wouldn't read to much into it tho

 

Suga XxX

[urbangentleman]

Hey Suga, glad to hear that all is as good as it can be given yesterday's tradgedy .I'm not really reading anything into it, maybe she misses the fun we used to have, who knows, anyway, i'll send the reply in a week or so and in the mean time keep on movin forward and talking to the many articulate ,graceful and beautiful woman that are still available in this world and seem to be around me at the moment

 

Funny what happens after u disappear!

[Laughing Sam]

!!What a cow!! what is all this "could spend my life getting back with ex's" and "not very productive" who the hell does she think she is. What were you a pair of shoes she got bored with?? I would be more inclined to reply

 

Glad you got the mail. Sorry I'm lost, where did you get the impression I wanted to get back together? If you are trying to read between the lines I feel you have missed the point. You know my personality, as you said I am a good guy and hold no malice against you, I am even glad we are still on sociable terms but the idea of getting back together is to much hassle. My life has progrssed just as yours has.

 

regards **********

 

Send it, get drunk, have a good cry and get back out into the world.

[Sugar-Rush]

Hey,

 

I also think that comment about her exes was quite "off" but that said i don't think you should be low in your reply to her, you seem like quite a lad anyways so just keep having fun with all the other ladies and keep your ex as a good friend

 

Suga xxx

[malibuanpine]

Hmmm...I think she is trying to feel you out. She says

 

[I really do think you are a very nice guy but I'm not sure if there's a chance or not of us ever getting back together if that's where you are hoping it will lead. I could spend my whole life getting back with exes but I just don't know if that would be very productive quote].

 

She is wondering if you want to get back together, and if you do, she isn't yet sure if she does also...which means she has been thinking about getting back together. Maybe, because there was no contact for a while alot of doubt has been created in her mind. She sounds afraid that if she does decide to get back with you, it will only end again and nothing 'productive' will come out of it. I think this is what she means when she uses the word 'productive'. She is saying...what is the point of getting back together if it's only going to end again. That is probably the view she took regarding all her exes when it didn't work out after she took them back.

 

I agree, I would back off from her. I think your email is fine, but take out the...'let me know what you think' part. You don't need to know what she thinks. Don't beg for her thoughts.

 

I'm female so I know how we think sometimes. She will think she has some power over you. Take that away from her and watch what happens.

 

Good luck!

[urbangentleman]

Hey Malibuandpine......very interesting post.I think you've just clarified the "productive" part though, because i was a llittle puzzled by that.Very intuiative.

 

I guess she's sent me the email because she ran into me 2 weeks ago, and still i did not contact, not for a game play, but for me.I wanted to see how i was doing in all this, and well, i think not bad really.You can see my post about that in getting back together if u like.She ended it though not me.

 

Why do you think she has some from of power, i stripped all of that with NC i thought? Again not games, for me to heal .

 

And I'm guessing if i delete the think part, you percieve she will contact me once she receives my email?....You women are so complex LOL!

 

 

Thanx for the reply

 

Urb.

[Laughing Sam]

fireg8, I agree with you, if you don't play her game and give her the satisfaction of knowing you are missing her she will be interested again. Remember "you always want what you can't have".

[RayKay]

Maybe I see things differently, of course I don't know your ex so it may not apply. I would see it as her just wanting to make sure things are clear and that there are no motives on your part. Perhaps she is just suspect meeting will bring up more issues she no longer wants to deal with. Is it possible she wants to feel in control....yes. But honestly her email to me just is more of a "I just don't want to lead you on or get into a situation where you believe you can win me back again".

 

I think your response is perfect

[malibuanpine]

Well urban, what was the reason she broke up with you...maybe I need to go read your thread on that. I know that I was both dumper and dumpee in my recent relationship. I dumped because of many things, one being that in my heart I didn't feel he was over his ex since they were about to be married and she called it off, and alot of what was wrong in their relationship he brought into ours, and he couldn't tell me definitively whether he wanted me long term, so I dumped him in a harsh way because I was extremely hurt and unsure of him...although he was the most caring and sensitive man I had ever been with. I knew my dumping him would hurt him, but he kept holding how I reacted to his feelings toward him, against me. We talked once since them, and he basically told me he is now seeing someone else, and don't think we're too different. So that's how he in effect dumped me I guess.

 

I say all that to say...did you play a part in the break up or the reason behind why she dumped you. For me, I knew I had some sort of power over him, and now I don't coz he avoids me at all costs. He no longer goes to the same places that we both went, and all this right after I dumped him. He initiated no contact and has been pretty good at maintaining it...and so have I. It pains me that he no longer wants to be with me, and that I no longer have the effect on him I once did.

 

If he contacted me, although I was the initial dumper, I would not be too sure whether I want to be back with him. Then there are times I want nothing more to have him back in my life. I miss him so much some times. I too would like to feel him out, and find out where his head is at as it relates to us getting back together. If he did that, I would feel a sense of power I must admit, although that may sound selfish. That is how I would feel.

[urbangentleman]

malibu, thanx again.And thanx to raykay as well.

 

As for the break up, no i had no input into it.You can read my posts under breaking up, and getting back together, and well, iguess you can see i'm in a much better place now than 10 weeks ago.Again to everybody i am not playing games here, just it was unexpected.

[chai714]

Urban,

Her defenses are still up and she knows what you want - her. You can't let her know what you want, otherwise there will be an imbalance of power. Right now, you have no bargaining power because she has what you want, and you don't necessarily have what she wants right now.

 

Don't reply, and work on coming off as if you want nothing more than a friendship with her. As long as her defenses are up, your tactics will be useless.

[urbangentleman]

Thanx chai. I really dont have any expectations, truly, at all. She asked for the friendship, i'm considering it thats all.But if we do meet up, then she will definitely know it's on a friends basis, because well, you don;'t treat friends the same as your partner do you.If you get my drift, i mean i wont be rude or anything, just friendly.

 

thanx again, it all helps.

[heloladies21]

Emailing her back is a bad idea. It won't help you get back together with her. There's just no point to making any contact at this point. It's a dead issue.

[Miss Keisha]

I think that the email was straight to the point, and though the real need to send it to her is very minimal. I guess that sending it to her will also emphasise to her that, like her, you have no plans for the two of you as a couple. However I think that maybe you should let sleeping dogs lie and move on as this is a closed chapter. You don't really need to be friends anyway( my honest opinion), just friendly, so whether or not she offered the friendship, you could also reject it in the same vein, [i am not saying that you should], just that you should consider all the angles, and really see whether this whole friendship issue is worth pursuing.