my gf doesnt want to see me...

[stratguy620]

Me and my gf have been together for 1.5 years now, and I am absolutely crazy about her. We are completely dedicated to each other, and to making this work out. The thing is, she is the type of person that likes lots of space to herself. Lots. Like when I call her to see if she wants to hang out, and she just would rather watch TV by herself (and no, shes not cheating on me). We talked today after I had spent a few hours at her house, and she said she would rather spend our time together in smaller increments. This really kills me because I am a very afectionate person, and I love being around her. It also just makes me sad that we've been together this long, and she still just acts like this.

[Meow18]

I can't see that as being very pleasant if you one day decide to move in together or something.

 

I know lots of people like that. They like their alone time and don't always like being around people, whether or not they love them. The only thing you really can do is respect what she wants.

 

How often do you see her? If it's getting to the point where you are only seeing each other like twice a week, then that might be a problem. However, if you still see her often, it might not be exactly as much as you want, but it's what she wants.

 

If she feels like she's not getting enough alone time, then she might eventually want to take a break from the relationship and that might be worse.

 

Try to plan fun trips together, or do fun stuff in the time she does want to spend with you.

[settinuplife]

When I was in a relationship, I liked to spend alot of alone time as well in front of the tv, and didn't like to go out as much. Wow, is it different with me now, I am complete opposite now that I'm single. I was completely in love when I was in the relationship, so it may not be you, it may be that she's so comfortable with you that she doesn't want or need to go out. Actually see it as good that she would rather be in front of the tv than out meeting other guys, which is what my ex wanted to do.

[RayKay]

Different people need different amounts of alone time...if one does not have enough alone time in my experience, or are unable to stilll exert their independence, they may grow resentful of their partner and the relationship for causing them to lose themself.

 

I think you need to first figure out what she means by smaller increments, and how often? Does she only want to see you once a week, for a couple hours? Or a few times a week here and there with some nights apart?

 

You know her reasonably well I assume by now, so you would know better whether this is her just trying to retain some of her identity and have breathing room, or if she is trying to push away from the relationship.

 

I know this hurts, personally I would be a bit hurt by it...I had an ex who was similar and one day decided he needed more alone time...unfortunately in that case it was a signal of him trying to break things off. On the other hand I live with my current boyfriend, and he loves spending as much time as he is able to with me...we still have our own things we do apart, but ultimately he'd rather be with than without me, and same goes on my side.