Constant Little Problems.

[Aishin86]

Hi.. I'm new here

I've been having a few problems with my girlfriend the past few months.

During the first few months, her older sister... who by the way is 6 years older then me, decided to buy me lunch for helping fix her computer..

I told my girlfriend about it...and she immediately went bezerk. wouldn't answer me calls...and took her about a week to get over.. I didn't really see what the big deal was.. but yeh.. I just apologised to her.. to kinda get it over with..

Then...we started having constant problems

Itz obvious it was jealousy...and I tried to give her the space she deserved.. but recently.. there was a guy..that used to like her.. and he asked her out to dinner...on the phone... I had made plans with her on a certain day and in fronta me she told the guy that she was free on that day... I felt.. very hurt...but in a calm voice, I just said 'I guess u won't be meeting me on that day'...she apologised... but I said to her firmly '.. I don't feel comfortable with u meeting him ..'

She immediately apologised...and her exact words were

'I'm sorry..I didn't realise I made u feel like that'..

and... I don't know if it's just me...but in that situation... I would have expected her not to meet him...but she did.. and I got very upset..

and she went around telling all my friends how I was over -reacting.

So I confronted her..and said 'Why is it so wrong for me to watch a movie with your sister, but itz fine for you to have dinner with a guy that likes u?'... she continued to ignore me... and eventually her cousin convinced me to just apologise and get things over with.. so we could resume our relationship..

On top of that... she constantly makes promises...that I don't even ask her to make...and she breaks them...

..She constantly does little things to make me jealous... but makes sure I'm not even to talk to other girls online or in person... or by phone...

What do i do???? ~>_

[RayKay]

Sounds like there is a bit of a double-standard going on here....

 

You both have the right to have friendships with people of opposite sex, within reason, but if one expects you to cut those relationships off, yet continues with theirs, and also puts them before your relationship...that is a problem.

 

What she should of done if she made other plans when you had them was call him back and apologize for double-booking and cancelled (or at least postponed them).

 

I think she gets off on making you jealous, but does not get the same rush when tables are turned (not surprising really!).

 

I think you need to have a honest, calm discussion with her about how these double standards make you feel. Remember jealousy is normal, but it is how we act/deal with that jealousy that matters.

[Aishin86]

hhhhmmmm... you see.. I could try and talk it over with her...

I've tried... and she apologises for making me feels that way..

but it never changes..

it's either that.... or she starts crying and tells her cuzin how

I'm over reacting etc..

also... she tells me she'll call..and tells me to wait for her call..

I wait wand wait...but she never calls -.-... and when she does

she always says she can't talk for long... and I always hear from

my friends..how she calls them heaps etc

[RayKay]

Sounds maybe then like she does not feel very respectful towards your feelings and your time. Sounds a bit selfish.

 

Well, the only way she may change her behaviour then is to change yours. Don't wait for her call. Show her you are not going to wait around. So she calls YOUR friends heaps? Are they male? (I assume so because she won't let you talk to other women). Talk to your friends, male or female. Don't let her prevent you from talking to female friends as long as everything there is platonic, if she is not going to allow the "rule" to apply to her, it is unfair of you to stop your life for her. Friends are important, no matter whether you are single or with someone. If you are young, chances are your friends will be around longer than your bf/gf..don't cut off ties.

 

If she still continues to be possessive and set double standards, and be disrespectful of your feelings and time...leave her.

[Aishin86]

Thanks for the advice!!!

Seems the most normal thing anyone's said to me in a while lol

Thanks =)

[Hope75]

Your girlfriend sounds very insecure with herself, and as Ray Kay said, almost like she gets off on making you feel jealous.

 

I agree that you should sit her down and talk with her about this. If you two can't establish some reasonable rules that both of you can agree on, than maybe it's time to re-evaluate the relationship.

 

Good luck.