is this just my problem?

[fmfisdead]

Okay, So I am in a new relationship that has been going on for about 3 weeks now. Mostly everything is going great and for her it seems like shes totally happy. But me on the other hand, I am mostly happy myself, but it always seems like something comes up that just upsets me about her and then I just end up sweeping it under the rug until it comes up the next time. I know I have a very overanalyzing nature so it could be as simple as a phone call where she doesn't sound quite like herself and I get myself thinking too much and worried about whats going on. Not to any great extent but it still has me worried. Not that shes going to leave me or anything, because thats not something I think at all, because I know how she feels about me.

 

An example of something I think its pretty small but ends up upsetting me would be her calling off hanging out for work. Basically when we first met at the beginning of the summer she was unemployed, but then she got a job. We would hang out until way late into the night most nights. She got this new job where she started early in the morning, and thats fine with me, but she was like, yeah I can't hang out, the night before. And I'm like why can't you hang out? and she said she could just not late. And I was like, of course, I wouldn't ask you to hang out late, but to totally just not want to hang out at all because you have work in the morning, seems ridiculous. So we ended up hanging out those nights. Then I let it go for awhile and everything was cool, then yesterday night shes like, I won't see you for awhile because I have work in the morning. And it seems like, isn't this a situation we already went over? I don't mind not hanging out with her, I'm not all clingy, but when it seems like an excuse to not hang out, or a lame reason, I can't help but wonder and get upset about it.

 

(sorry this is long) So the point I'm at now is being kind of angry with her and not really answering her calls. I'm going to talk to her about this then and I know it seems like a small situation, but I guess I didn't tell you everything else that gets it to build up into me being upset. This is just an example of something that makes me think. What my main question is, is this just me being ridiculously meticulous about certain things, or do I really have a basis to be upset? Again I say, this is a culimination of a lot of small things that upset me that ball up into a bigger problem than it probably should be. Any ideas?

[Caterina]

I think that it sounds like you are being kind of clingy. If she has a job, that is the priority. I think she will probably think that it is sweet, though, that you care that much, if you just talk to her about it. Relationships take work and communication. PLus, you haven't been dating long, she might not like it if you make it not light & fun, but super seriuos. She doesn't owe you anything after three weeks, and if she sounds happy with you, why ruin that?

[From_Now_On]

from the sounds of it we have a lot in common. i let the little things build up too even when i know that they should not. but it just always seems like something. and i think, for people like us...if someone makes it seem like they don't want to spend time with us...then maybe they don't care about us. at least not like we care about them. i too have been dating this new guy for a little under 3 weeks and we hang out maybe 2 times a week. of course with us it's because we have so much going on in our lives and no means of getting to each other much of the time. so i understand. and he usually finds a way to see me if i bring up an idea and he offers ideas himself. now, if he started telling me that he couldn't hang out as much because he got a job or something...as much as i know it is wrong...i'd feel utterly deflated and start questioning why he 'doesn't want to hang out with me'. but from the postion i am at now, i realize that would just be my paranoi and nit-picking tendency speaking. so from someone who understand the feeling, let me just tell you straight off...it's probably just us. i'm not saying there's not a possibility that you have reason to worry or be cynical or w/e...you can never know...but it's most likely just you thinking too much. at least you realize your tendency. so don't fret, okay? i would still talk to her about it tho to let her know how you feel...but just make sure you don't make her feel incredibly bad about it and don't present your feelings in anger. not taking her calls is a poor move, for example (in my oppinion). also, make sure you listen to her side of the story and try to understand where she is coming from.

 

good luck.

 

-fno

[RayKay]

Well, I think that you also need to recall that if she has a job, she needs to be able to function at her job. While you might not hang out as LATE, sometimes if you are working full time, you need a breather some nights just to be alone, or to catch up on the trivial things, like laundry and just sleep. It does not mean she does not want to be with you, but there are days you just need to remember who you are again, and not worry about being your best for someone else at that time!

 

It is great you want to spend time with her, but also try to keep in mind if she feels pressured to spend too much time with you, she may end up feeling resentful when she gets stressed out and run down.

 

It is still VERY early on in the relationship, three weeks in you are still learning about one another, and while it is great to want to spend lots of time together, people also have lives they need to continue to lead. Take things easy, breathe and go casually as things come basically. It sounded like she was willing to compromise before, but then maybe felt you were too demanding of her time, which does come accross as clingy to her, even if it was not your intention. Talk to her, but in spirit of compromise (maybe 1-2 a week) rather than in having it more your way...

 

Although, if you notice a lot of little things bothering you, they can be an indication that something is not entirely "right" with the relationship for you so you would need to examine that.

[fmfisdead]

See, that was not the point of the post so much at all, that was just a small thing, not exactly the exact problem. And I'm not too clingy, because I have lots of things I have to do in my life also, its just that we don't really get so much time so as it is, and it SEEMS like an excuse. I would much rather hear her say she needs a day to herself than to be like, well I have work in the morning. Because then it just seems like shes making up stories and whatever else. And while the relationship officially started 3 weeks ago, we have been talking for two months, and things are more serious than they seem. Well either way, I guess it doesn't matter, I just need to talk to her about it, because its not the fact of her taking days off for week, its other underlying things.