....again?

[sahara]

I know it seems as though im always full of problems,I don't know what to do. I last visited my SO 2 weeks ago in his country. The first week after that visit we were chatting on msn as we usually do every day. The last time we "properly" spoke was last Friday night when he told me how he was feeling depressed and unable to sleep, but said we'd talk again the following day. But the following day I didn't see him online. Nothing bad,as I know he has other things doing also. Still didn't see him online the day after that, then the day after. I starrted to get a bit upset, as I havent been that long ever in contact with him, even though many will say 3 days is nothing. To me, this is unusual with him. He didn't even send a short email or anything, that's was why I was more upset. So I sent him one,, asking why he hasn't been in contact with me and if everything was ok with him, as I was worried about him, and wondered also if he was having second thoughts about me. He replied the email later that night apologising for not being around and that he was really depressed,and how he felt to call me earlier that day, but didn't.He also wasn't havent second thoughts about me, he said. He said he was studying in the evenings now but would normally be online during the daytime at work. I know he has exams coming up soon…but it has never been a problem him talking to me during the evenings whilst he was studying. And he's been studying since the day I met him. He knows I rarely sign into msn during the daytime, so I don't understand why now it's a problem for him to come on even for 30 minutes to say hi during the evening. I sent him another email yesterday sympathising with his problem. I let him know how I wished I were there with him to make him feel better and everything and if there was anything I could do to help, id be there. 2 full days have gone now without a response. I really don't know what to think. I am really getting peeved off with his insensitivity. I explained to him that if he cant be bothered to be typing in msn, then he can just send me mail. Just keep in contact, so I know we still have a relationship. I don't know the reason for his depression, as he said "I feel too lazy to explain" when I asked him the other day on msn, and he doesn't express his feelings much at all, so its very hard to get anything out of him. Im just so confused as to what I should do right now, its killing me...

[RooferGirl23]

this is a tough one. it could be a number of reasons, from a death in the family all the way to he just doesnt want a relationship anymore, but is afriaid to just say it, so he is taking the "avoidance" route... i know this is hard, but YOU try to go a few days with countacting HIM, make him miss YOU, like you are missing him.

[lisica]

How long have you been in this relationship together? Has he ever been depressed like this before?

[sahara]

RooferGirl23,I also thought that he could be taking the avoidance route.Im confused, because he called me last night,and he rarely calls me, to see how i wasand to tellme that he wasnt havent second thoughts about me. I asked him the reason for his depression, and he said he'd talk about it tomorrow, meaning today,on msn. Said he'd be online between 7-8pm my time, and im still waiting, and its after 9pm. He also called me this afternoon to see how i was, but it was a short 2 min call. He's never this unreliable. If he says he will be online a certain time, he normally is. Same thing he done last saturday, when he promised we'd talk that day and he didnt show on msn. I dont know whats going on with him. I tried to get something out of him last night about his depression, but he said he'd explain today..but seems he may not even show tonight.

Lisica, we have been together almost 11 months and have met in person 3 times during that time..last time only a couple of weeks ago. Since the last time, he has been this way. Im not sure if he has been depressed this way before. I think he is a person that could easily depressed though, through my observations, and he once told me he tried to commit suicide years ago, due to his ex girlfriend.....

[sahara]

Any ideas to what u think i should do? Im really confused here,...one minute i feel like i should break up with him, but i dont want to make a big mistake and regret it afterwards...if he'd only talk to me and explain things, i wouldnt be left wondering like this. Its because im oblivious to whats going on in his head, why im this way. Its like trying to get blood out of a stone...he hasnt been this scarce before...

[lisica]

If I were you, I would probably (be stupid enough to?) give him the benefit of the doubt. If he really is depressed he might not even have the energy to explain (like he said, he was "too lazy"). Depressed people sometimes prefer to sleep and to forget about everything else. But you say that he is also working AND studying. Do you know if these things are still going well?

 

You know what, he calls you and reassures you that he is not having 2nd thoughts about the relationship. I would take that as a good sign and give him some time to figure the rest out and open up to you. I would not force him too much. To make it a bit easier for yourself, try focussing more on other things in your life so you are not thinking about him 100% of the time.

[sahara]

thanks Lisica,

I will try not to force him too much, like you said, and try to concentrate on other things (if i can manage it). Dwelling over it isnt doing me any good, i know. It'll be hard, but i have no choice i guess...thank u again!