Friends with benefits question

[Riles84]

OK well last Saturday at my buddies amazing Canada Day party, one of my really good friends called me over and kissed me. We kissed for a minute, then that was it. Later on in the night we met up again at this party, and went into one of the rooms and ended up spending the night together and having sex. Since that night, we've had sex again. The thing is, im starting to get feelings for her now, and im not sure if she wants this to be just friends with benefits or more than friends. The only signal I can really get from her is the fact that she kissed me first, and since that night, whenever were around eachother shes alwasy holding my hand and cuddling up to me, which she never did before. What do you guys think? Also I will talk to her dont worry, just wanted to know what some peoples thoguths were on this

[lifeiscash]

I think you should ask her.. just say something like "Hey, im just curious but where do you think this is going"? Something like that will work.. that way you will get your answer you want and not putting too much empahsis on the situation.

[Riles84]

ya .. but do you guys think its good to get involved with a really close friend, especially if all you and her and the rest of your friedns are all best friends? I dunno if its worth it .. cause if we do start going out and break up .. more than likely it'll be weird beteen us and the toher friends

[Süsser Tod]

That sounds more like she wants to be your GF. A FWB usually starts with an agreement, where both parties know it is just casual sex.

In this case, as she went and kissed you and you accepted her, she thinks you are her GF.

 

And the most important fact, she is behaving as your GF, a FWB is just sex and the rest a normal friendship, holding hands, cudling, etc, in public, is the normal behaviour for a couple, not for FWBs.

 

 

However, if you still have doubts, ask her. But I really think she is your GF, and that kind of question would only hurt her.

 

 

And getting involved with a close friend... Well, a good friendship is an excelent beginning for a relationship. The consequences if something goes wrong wont' be nice, but you've already passed that point, anything you do right now will bring those consequences.

So if you really have feelings for her, go ahead and try to get the relationship to work!

[Riles84]

ya we before we had sex the first time thoguh we stated that this was just cause were friends, its everything after thats kinda weird to me. Mixed signals after the fact i guess.. maybe her feelings are growing to, even though we both expected it to be just a FWB thing

[MiquelAngelo]

Well why not get close to her? Don't most happily married people say they married their "Best Friend"?

[lifeiscash]

Miquel Angelo Wrote

 

Well why not get close to her? Don't most happily married people say they married their "Best Friend"?

 

Best friends but yet worst enemies

[workaholic]

this is interesting, because I am SORTA in the same situation. The only difference is that the girl I am talking with in class is a complete stranger.. but I strongly think we're destined to become friends this summer.

 

 

However it just depends on what type of friendship we'll have!

 

Basically what I'm saying is that we might or might not get into a FWB situation. But if we do, and we happen to break up there would be no consequences with her other friends because they don't know me and I don't know them. In your case, you are already on the inside of the social sphere and so yes, you are putting yourself at risk. The last thing you want is a break-up that causes your cohesive group of friends to suddenly split apart and choose sides. (this happens most of the time, though)

 

What is it that YOU really want? Ask yourself this question before you decide that "hey, I could be her boyfriend." If not, then you should definetly talk with her and tell her your true feelings. I know I should've done that with my last girlfriend.

 

FWB sounds exciting, but in your case I would either stay platonic friends with her or become her boyfriend.

[GymSweetie]

hi,

 

it has been exactly 1 yr since i have been where you currently are. as i am fem, i can reveal where your fwb is coming from.

 

do you realize how vulnerable she is? she cares enuf about you as a friend to open up the most intimate part of herself to you. if you were to get a real gf i guarantee you will find that your fwb is in love with you and she would be crushed! she would probably leave the scene for a while to heal.

 

you see when you sleep with a woman more than once, she cant help but develop feelings and hope for a relationship.

 

the dynamic of the "friendship" changes when sex is added to the mix. btw if you add communication, you then have a relationship.

 

you are at a tricky point where things will never be the same. do you a. continue and tradeoff the friendship for a relationship (ie committment/ communication/lose a friend-gain a lover/gf)? b. break off the whole thing (resulting in pain, heartache & suffering)? c. try to be just friends with a sexual undertone (very difficult, yet not impossible-she may oppose or accept) or d. try to remain fwb's (why? if you are developing feelings for her? who cares what other people think.)

 

decisions, decisions.

[workaholic]

Some of us guys wish that we could do option C more..

 

C'mon y'all ADMIT IT!!!! 8)

 

Being friends with a sexual undertone seems to work alot in urban cities.

"Oh, we were just messing around." or "Yeah, I used to mess with J a while back."